(This image is a remake (hand painted by me) of a polish poster for the movie "To Kill a Mockingbird" that I painted as part of a series of paintings for an exhibition titled: "Cinefiend- A tribute to Movie poster Art.")
To Kill a Mockingbird is about a man standing up against injustice and prejudice regardless of the cost to himself and his family. In the face of opposition and threats, he stays true to his beliefs and core values, and he does so with integrity and dignity.
In view of news report after news report on men behaving badly in Hollywood, and now also here in Australia with disclosures of TV personalities behaving equally badly, I can't help but wonder....are there no Atticus Finches (the man in the movie) around any more?
Is the current way of thinking: a crime is only a crime if one is caught? is a behaviour only "bad" if it is disclosed? is the miss-use of power only abuse of power if the people who are at the brunt of that miss-use of power speak up? what about systemic bullying? is it only deemed bullying if there is a "blood trail"?
Here's my quandary: here we are, supposedly able to hear the remnants of the sound of the "big bang", inching our way closer and closer to a possible conclusion/solution/equation of the "Theory of Everything", yet, .....so many of us still behave "badly" in spite of all our so called progress.
What do I mean with "badly" you may ask.
For me it means taking advantage, bullying, harassing someone, consciously behaving in a way one knows and understands will cause harm, behaving in a malicious manner, etc.etc.
(Basically, causing someone psychological and or physical pain in pursuit of satisfying one's own wants.)
Behaving badly in my view, often entails ignoring and or disrespecting boundaries, those others have, but also our own. Boundaries, as I view it, define how and what we communicate, basically they provide the parameters of what we expect from ourselves and others, even perhaps what we expect from life.
Often our boundaries are experienced as "self-evident", but as far as I can ascertain, boundaries vary from person to person and what one person may experience as a self-evident boundary may not be a boundary at all for someone else.
A boundary can be: physical, emotional, mental, material.
Physical: personal space as in how much space you need around yourself to feel comfortable and safe, who can touch you; where, when, how.
Emotional: differentiation between yourself and others, awareness of your feelings, your choices, and knowing within yourself where your responsibilities begins and ends
Mental: knowing what constitutes your belief system as in your core values, thoughts and opinions.
Material: what you will lend someone, books, DVD's etc. but also "time" as in amount of tardiness that you are okay with.
These are just some examples, but perhaps it may be a helpful exercise for us to actually ponder what our boundaries are now and then, because in my experience, they can and often do, change.
One aspect of boundaries that I believe to be important is how we explain to others that we feel that they have crossed one (or more) of our boundaries.
In my experience, explaining calmly, clearly, and precisely that a boundary that you have has been crossed, usually has the most favourable outcome. "Excuse me, but would you mind stepping back a little, I feel uncomfortable with you standing so close, ...or... Excuse me, but would you mind not touching me all the time, it makes me feel uncomfortable, ...or...Excuse me, but would you mind not speaking so loudly, it makes me feel uncomfortable"..etc.etc.
(In some cultures speaking fast and loud, touching and gesticulating is the norm, but if you feel uncomfortable with it, tell the person so in a non-aggressive way.)
If you feel that someone is disrespecting, belittling, manipulating, or bullying you in any way, tell him or her, because sometimes even though it may be scary, we just have to stand up for ourselves/our core values and make our boundaries "visible" for others.
All of us are capable of behaving "badly" at times, but here's the good news: we can make sure we don't do it again, because behaving badly hurts not just others but ourselves as well.
"Just because everyone is behaving like a clown doesn't mean you have to join the circus."
(Matshona Dhliwayo)
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