When you speak with someone, how important is it for you to have eye contact?
Have you ever said to someone: "look me in the eyes when you say that so that I know that you are telling me the truth", or "your mouth says one thing but your eyes says something different", or "can you please take off your sun-glasses so that I can see your eyes?"
Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who is a "scanner"? With "scanner" I mean a person who constantly shifts his/her gaze... only for split seconds here and there do your eyes connect so you are never really sure if the scanner has actually paid any attention to anything you have said to him/her. (Kids, I have discovered, are masters at noticing when adults are "scanning" rather than interacting. "Look at me when I am talking to you, mum/dad!" they demand, and a tantrum of some kind may often follow if the demand is not met.)
In many Western societies (Eastern societies are different), having eye contact when we speak with someone, shows that we are paying attention and that we are interested in connecting with the person we are speaking with.
(And vice versa: we often avoid eye contact in situations we may find uncomfortable: the loud drunk on the bus, the screaming child in the super market queue, the man/woman speaking out loud to him/herself in the waiting room, riding an elevator with strangers, etc.etc. aka: "don't make eye contact with strange people".)
For some of us, eye contact can perhaps be experienced as a little bit too "intimate". If the saying "the eyes are the window to the soul" is true, then eye contact can perhaps even be experienced as "intrusive" under certain circumstances.
According to some inquiries made by those in the "know", we are able to read a person's emotions by just looking in to their eyes, which is perhaps a reason for why so many of us find it uncomfortable to speak to strangers, to speak with people wearing dark glasses, wearing caps with the visors pulled down so the eyes can't be seen, or wearing mirror sun-glasses.
Even if we happen to be shy, there are benefits to having eye contact with those we speak with or listen to, even if it may be a bit challenging.
Through having eye contact when we interact with others, a mutual exchange of respect, attention, appreciation, understanding and acknowledgment can be had, and at times, even without having to utter one word.
Slouched in a chair, tired beyond words, sipping cold, watery coffee from a plastic cup, my eyes gazed around the impersonal hospital waiting room. My son was being attended to by a pediatrician in another room, so I had a few minutes to myself. I looked at my hand holding the plastic cup and noticed that it was still shaking from having spent hours of carrying my son while he was struggling to breathe, to stay alive. In a dimly lit room across from where I was sitting, I saw a man sitting in a chair with a small, sleeping child in his arms. Just like my son, this boy was also hooked up to bags, bottles, and an assortment of machines. Although my eyes felt like they had saw dust in them and I could barely see, I just couldn't take my eyes of the man and the boy. Suddenly, the man looked straight at me. We locked eyes. In the 20 or so seconds our eyes connected and without speaking even one word, I knew that he knew that I knew what we were both going through.
Amazing as today's technology is, I can't help but wonder sometimes if we do not spend perhaps too much time gazing at screens rather than in to each others eyes. An i-Thingy may be able to do many things, but as a substitute for face to face, human inter action and connection, comfort and compassion, in my view, an i-Thingy is a poor substitute.
"Sometimes you have to disconnect to stay connected. Remember the old days when you had eye contact during a conversation? When everyone wasn't looking down at a device in their hands? We have become so focused on that tiny screen that we forget the big picture,.... the people right in front of us." (Regina Brett)
No comments:
Post a Comment