Monday, 25 August 2014

How to travel while staying put........

Stop.
For a moment.
Close your eyes.
Breathe. Slowly. Deliberately.
 
Notice.
You are alive.
 
Whatever troubles you,
for a moment
put your troubles on hold.
 
Remember.
Your happy moments.
Hold them tight.
 
Listen.
To the sounds of life
all around you.
 
Visualise.
Images of beauty
visual delights.
 
Reflect.
On who you are
and what you do.
 
Imagine.
That all things
are possible.
 
Now.
Is when life
happens.
 
(Citizen X)
 

On feeling lonely.........

There are many things we may fear
but it seems pretty clear,
what we humans fear most of all
is to be alone with no one to call.
 
He
finds it hard to connect
he is far too direct,
he gets nervous, starts to sweat,
mumbles and fumbles
gets tongue-tied and mystified.
 
There must be a code
one that he doesn't get
because he is always the one
standing alone
when others are busy with their phones.
 
Deep inside he so longs
for a deeper connection,
somewhere to belong.
 
She
keeps herself busy every minute of the day;
there are clothes to wash, bills to pay.
The radio always on, even when shes gone;
she likes to come home,
to a home filled with song.
 
Her parents now long gone
her sister; a family of her own
it's just her and her little dog Shelly
her truest friend, her very best company.
 
Deep inside she so longs
for a deeper connection,
somewhere to belong.
 
No matter if young or old,
 hot or cold,
deep inside we so all long
for a deeper connection,
somewhere to belong.
 
To belong:
it begins with a smile
a kindly gesture,
a listening ear,
a willingness to share.
 
To sustain:
being there
wherever there may be;
to support, to encourage
to hold, to bear.
 
Loneliness is not selective
it does not care;
whether you are rich or whether you are poor,
how you look or what you wear.
 
But
times of loneliness;
whether pauper or laird;
something all mankind shares
so do not despair.
 
 
You are not alone.....
to an amazing, intriguing, bewildering,
astonishing, blossoming, breathtaking,
 mankind you belong.
 
(Citizen X)
 

Friday, 22 August 2014

How to become an "adaptor"......on adaptation

 
Sometimes, even though equipped with the right equipment, things go wrong and something unexpected happens.
I was told a story: "A man arrives home late in the evening. As he parks his car he notices his neighbour wandering around in circles under the streetlight. The man walks up to his neighbour and asks what he is doing. The neighbour answers that he is looking for his house key. "Are you sure this is where you lost it?" the man asks. "No," answers the neighbour, "I didn't lose it here but I can see here" answers the neighbour."
Someone once said: "Adapt or die." Others say that being able to adapt is one of mankind's most impressive features.  "The measure of intelligence is the ability to change" said Albert Einstein.
When things change unexpectedly, being able to quickly adapt can be very helpful, even though it can also be very challenging.
Adaptation basically means to modify something to suit new conditions.
Things change, circumstances change, people change, nature is constantly changing, and so on; but whether we like those changes or not, if we chose to not adapt there is a risk that those changes may get the better of us. As an example: Aging is part of the human condition and, although we may be able to slow down the effects of aging with the help of a healthy lifestyle and amazing medical advancements, the fact remains; as we age our bodies change. We can be upset about failing eyesight and/or loss of hearing, or we can adapt and buy glasses and hearing aids.
Life is not static, from birth to death there are many changes we have to adapt to, some changes we may welcome yet others we may resist. We may not be able to control the changes that occur, but we do have the option to choose how we will respond to them.
Something we may initially experience as "change", often becomes a "norm" once we have adapted to the change.
The first two years after my divorce were the worst; it seemed "change" was the norm and for me "adapt or die" was not an optional stance; rather, it was a necessity.
But adapt I did, moment by moment, day by day, and slowly my changed circumstances became my "normal" circumstances.
Adaptability perhaps for some of us, can be experienced as being at odds with our preference (and what often seems a natural instinct) for that which is known and stable, and our first response to change may be that of resistance. If I may ask, how do you respond to change, well or poorly?
How do you view change; as an opportunity, as a challenge, with an optimistic or a pessimistic outlook? Do you respond with cognitive flexibility or inflexibility?
(Cognitive flexibility refers to the mental ability to adjust thinking or attention in response to changing goals and/or environmental stimuli.)
If we are finding in hard to adapt to change, what are some common obstacles?
Some suggestions:
Denial > "it's not really that bad"
Resistance > "I've always done it this way"
Lack of understanding > "what's the big deal anyway?"
Fear of the unknown > "What if I change and it doesn't work out?"
With people who are at more at ease with change and can adapt more quickly, what are some of their strengths?
Some suggestions:
*They are able to use different thinking methods/strategies and mental frameworks
*They are able to vary their approach when dealing with their own and other's emotions
*They are able to be optimistic and realistic
How can I develop/improve my adaptability?
Some suggestions:
> Ask questions. Before making any judgements, explore and be curious
> Accept difference. Something can be different rather, than wrong or right
>Be informed. Understand the situation/circumstance/people
>Become a good learner. Learn new ways and entertain different possibilities
>View change as an opportunity
 Adaptability in my view, promotes understanding, a flexible attitude, resilience, and, as our global population grows larger and larger, it may become a life-necessity for us to become good "adaptors"....
 
“It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive, but those who can best manage change.” (Charles Darwin)
“There can be no life without change, and to be afraid of what is different or unfamiliar is to be afraid of life.” (Theodore Roosevelt) 

Monday, 18 August 2014

Seeing with new eyes........

Seeing with fresh eyes.
"The real act of discovery consists not in finding new lands but in seeing with new eyes", wrote Marcel Proust.
Some suggest that our minds are "pattern making machines"; human beings have the ability to recognise and act upon patterns, no matter how small the sample. Once we know a pattern, we no longer have to consciously consider everything we do.  Learning to tie our shoe laces, learning to ride a bike, learning to swim, learning to drive a car; what initially required great conscious effort, once mastered seemingly needs little conscious effort. Apparently, just like we learn an "action-pattern", we also do so when it comes to our thought processes. (thinking patterns)
We observe, and then make our decisions based on what those patterns tell us. Thing is, our mind can be subject to a great many different kinds of errors of the conceptual and perceptual kind.
(For example: judging a book by its cover, allowing a first impression to be the only impression of someone/something, making up our minds about something because that is how our friends, families, etc... view it, and so on)
If we want to see something with fresh eyes, we have to challenge our perceptions.
We need to ask ourselves whether there are other possible ways to view/perceive something/someone.
Perhaps we have considered grey, rainy days as miserable, however, if we viewed them from the angle of the importance of rain for nature to thrive, we may view those rainy days as wonderful and life sustaining.
If we have considered animals as unintelligent and subjugated creatures, perhaps if we instead viewed them as creatures with their own unique attributes and wonderful contributions, we may find ways to treat them with more respect and care.
If we have considered people who think differently to us as mislead and ill-informed, perhaps if we instead viewed them as interesting and thought provoking, we may discover ideas and beliefs that enrich our own thinking.
If we have considered other nations traditions and cultures as primitive and substandard to our own, perhaps if we instead viewed them as different and intriguing, we may discover forms of artistic expression and communication that may compliment our own.
If we have considered poverty and unemployment as signs of weakness, perhaps if we instead viewed such as misfortune and trying circumstances, we may discover within ourselves more compassion.
If we are prepared to step out of our routines, think in new ways, adopt new ideas, walk down that road less travelled, we will have the opportunity to see things with fresh eyes.
Why not take a bus or a train to an unknown destination? You may discover something wonderful. Why not try some food you've never tasted before? You may discover something delectable.
Why not listen to some music you've never heard before? You may discover something sublime.
Why not speak to a stranger? You may find a friend.
Why not go for a walk in a park or a forest? You may find a connection with nature.
Why not turn off all electrical gadgets and light a few candles? You may find stillness of the soul.
Why not close your eyes and just listen? You may hear your own inner voice.
 
The possibility to "see with fresh eyes" begins now.
Each new moment offers an opportunity for us to view things from a new perspective.

“I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was." (Ransom Riggs)
 

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

A heart of gold may be a liability.....in memory of Robin Williams

I have tried to discover the origin of the term "a heart of gold" but so far I have not been able to find a definitive answer. Some suggest it goes as far back as to the 1500's and the meaning of the term is: "a person with a generous, kind, and caring personality".
(Gold, in medieval times, represented the height of luxury, and because of its rarity and value, it was viewed as the noblest of metals. Gold, it was believed, symbolically represented qualities of the human spirit such as justice, courage, and generosity.)
Recently I have been pondering whether in todays world, a heart of gold is considered an asset or a liability...
 
There was this boy
an ordinary boy,
except for
his profound understanding
 of both sorrow and joy.
 
Very early in his life
he had realised,
it's not a question of who to be
but what others want to see.
 
To be sad
was considered bad
to be quiet and still
was met with ill will.
 
His heart said: to thine own self be true
but after beatings that left him black and blue
his heart became weary
what was he to do?
 
So he donned a mask
one that made people laugh
Now they saw him as funny
they became quite chummy.
 
 Hiding his heart of gold
behind a mask made him cold
 within his soul began a battle
his sense of self began to rattle.
 
Making people laugh
with his soul cut in half
not a sustainable position
for a comedic magician.
 
"Come here" says the White Horse,
"I'll give you a ride without remorse,
I'll make you feel better than ever before"
he giddies up, he goes to explore.
 
Exploring he does for years and years
but try as he may
 however fast he rides
he can't outride his sadness
or the tears he hides.
 
The boy with the golden heart
his comedy a fabulous art
finally succumbs to his broken heart
and from this world he departs.
(Citizen X)
 
Thank you Robin Williams for all the joy you brought to so many of us.
 
"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
(Khalil Gibran)

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

How to have a better day...........

 
For just one day,
 
what if.......
 
This day we were to begin our day with gratitude in our hearts; for those things we often take for granted until they are taken away from us, water, air, light. For just one day, remembering that without them life is not possible.
 
what if
 
This day we focus our energy and attention on what is right in our life, what we love in life,
what we want to give to life. For just one day living life one moment at the time; present in every precious one.
 
what if
 
During this day every word that we speak is carefully chosen and the chosen words are without hidden daggers. For just one day our words are clear, precise; chosen not snatched; honest and deliberate.
 
what if
 
This day we decide to not find fault in others, instead we decide to find what is admirable; we seek not to put down but to raise up. For just one day our attention is on what we can give rather than receive.
 
what if
 
This day we ask ourselves what we can offer to help others in need; without judgement or prejudice.
For just one day not asking why someone is in need, but how we best can help.
 
what if
 
This day we treasure what we have, not what we want. For just one day ignoring our desire for more in exchange for remembering what we already have.
 
what if
 
This day we make love our motivation, patience our approach, kindness our attitude, compassion our stance. For just one day forgetting that which divide us in favour of what unites us.
 
what if
 
We make this day today.
 
 

Sunday, 3 August 2014

"Airbrushing" away the unwanted bits....(The Comparison Game)

Before the invention of the camera, (the first partially successful photograph of a camera image was made in approximately 1816 by Nicéphore Niépce) representations of people and things were made in the form of paintings. However, whereas a painting is a subjective representation by the artist, a photo is an image captured by a device void of opinion hence the statement that "the camera never lies".
However, with procedures such as double exposure, combination printing, montage, and solarisation, (first used by Man Ray and Henri Tabard in the 1920's) and the statement "the camera never lies", no longer held true.
Just as the painter could interpret and manipulate the "actuality/reality" of an object/person, today any photo editing program can be used to alter the appearance of a captured image.
In a report entitled "The Impact of Media Images on Body Image and Behaviours" it is suggested that on average we are consuming 3000 advertising images per day that feature heavily airbrushed men and women; we are presented with highly idealised and unrealistic representations of "beauty".
 
The Comparison Game; Vignettes    (= small illustrations)
 
* She stands in front of the mirror naked. Above the mirror is a photo of how she wants to look. She tugs at the skin on her arms, stomach, and thighs. In disgust she turns away from the mirror.
"Why did I have to be born this ugly?" she asks herself as she puts her clothes back on.
* He waits in the toilets until the others are gone. The showers are silent. Carefully he undresses and turns on the water. The other boys are bigger, they have more developed muscles than him, they are almost men yet here he is; still built like a boy. "Why is my body not growing like the others, what is wrong with me, why can't I be just like the others?" he asks himself as his tears blend in with the falling water in the shower.
* "Just 20 minutes more" she says to herself as she walks to nowhere on the treadmill in the gym.
Since she was little she has battled with her weight and now, after the birth of her third child, her weight has become a health issue. "Why can't I put on weight, why is my sister so perfect and I have to be this skinny, tall, and lanky person?" she mutters under her breath.
* As he brushes his hair he notices that there is more hair in the brush than on his head. Panic rushes through him and he feels as if the floor just opened up under his feet. "Why me, why am I the one losing my hair at this young age?" he wonders. "Lots of thick, luscious hair is a sign of virility" his father always used to say.
* She waits until they are all asleep then she goes to the fridge and devours all that she can find. She knows it is wrong, but she can't help herself. "What's the point in trying, I'll never be as skinny as them anyway" she tells herself as she swallows a last bit of cake.
* As he hops in the car he realises that his stomach is very close to the steering wheel. In the morning his youngest had made fun of him and told him he had a "Santa stomach". "Hey, more of me to love," he had told his son, but deep inside he felt hurt. "I should be more like my brother, exercise more and drink less beer", he thinks as he drives off.
 
Standing in front of a mirror, are you happy with what you see?
According to studies, many of us are unhappy with our body images. We want to be slimmer, fitter, less wrinkled, more muscled, more tanned, taller, shorter, more voluptuous, less voluptuous, more solid, less solid, have less cellulite and on and on it goes. Often we compare ourselves with images of "perfection" as presented to us through media of varying forms.
Retouching images has been around for a long time, and as technology progresses, we are becoming better and better at creating "perfect" looking representations of human beings. "Flaws" are often airbrushed/retouched away and what we are presented with is no longer an actual representation, but an idealised image. (Bearing in mind that the ideal varies from culture to culture, and century to century.)
Does what we look like really determine our value as human beings?
Is it not possible that our "flaws" may perhaps in some ways be assets? In a sense, they are what makes us "us"?
Perhaps it is possible to feel comfortable in our own skin despite of not being perfectly matched to a fictional image of an ideal?
What we look like is not all we are, we are also what we think, what we feel, and how we act.
Joseph Carey Merrick, also named "Elephant man" because of his many deformities, became a good friend of surgeon Frederick Treves and many socialites in London due to his gentle personality and inner beauty. Which led me to wonder; we can alter our physical appearances through surgery, exercise, diets etc.. as well as through "airbrushing", but what about our inner character? Is it possible to "airbrush" away mean-spiritedness, greediness, selfishness, possessiveness, and so on?
If we spend hours and hours on looking good, do we also spend hours and hours on our inner qualities?
(A car may look fantastic on the outside, but unless its inner parts work, it will not take us very far.)
Human beings come in many sizes, shapes, and appearances and perhaps this is something to celebrate rather than reject in search for an impossible ideal?
Perhaps, rather than comparing ourselves with others or with idealised fictional images, we may flourish when we learn to feel comfortable in our own skin and in who we are.

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.” (Amy Bloom)