Finding the "right" one.....

 

Bob bumps in to Steve in the street and they begin a conversation.

"Still looking for the "right" one Steve? Bob asks.

"Yes, I am Bob, I know she is out there somewhere," Steve answers.

"How will you know she's the right one?'

"I'll just know Bob, she will tick all the boxes."

"Hmm, so what are those then Steve?"

"So, she will be good looking, have a nice figure, be smart but not too smart, she will not tell me how to dress or what to eat, she will be okay with me spending "hang-time" with the boys, she won't ask where I've been if I'm a bit late because she will trust me, she'll be a good cook and keep our place nice, you know, just regular stuff Bob."

"And, yeah, of course, we will have mind shattering sex most nights" Steve says with a big smile.

"That's quite a list Steve, what about love, you haven't mentioned anything about love?"

"What do you mean Bob, are not all those things part of love, I mean, would you love someone who doesn't tick all those boxes?"

Bob thinks of his wife and tries to remember if he had had a "tick" list, but all he remembers is his wife's laugh, her kindness, and how from the first time they met they had an invisible bond.

"What if your "right one" also has a tick list, don't you have to tick all the boxes on her list then?" Bob asks.

"Sure, but if she is the right one, our tick lists will line up Bob."

Is that what some of us do, do we have an "ingredients" list, and when the "product" has all the desired ingredients, we "buy" it?

Have we become shallow, do we search for the "right" one based on superficial values? Have we finally bludgeoned the word love to death with the result that all that is left are the "ingredients" for a half decent "omelet"?

"This is what is the matter with us, we are bleeding at the roots, because we are cut off from earth, and sun, and stars, and love is a grinning mockery, because, we plucked it from its stem on the Tree of Life, and expected it to keep blooming in our civilised vase on the table." (D H Lawrence)

When we search for the right one what about all the "almost" right ones? Even if we are set on a path of seeking for the right one, perhaps it could be of benefit to us to have a serious look at our criteria, ask ourselves why they are so important to us? If we are seeking for the right one, chances are we have already had experiences with the "wrong" one.

What made them wrong, and did we play some part in them being wrong? The ability to adapt can possibly be viewed as one of mankind's best assets and perhaps we need to look for the right wrong one. Pretty much most of our physical appearance can be altered, and our points of view, belief systems, tastes, values, can be amended. We can learn new ways of doing things, take classes, go to seminars, take lessons, do research, and much more. We can change, and so can others.

"The reason any tree can weather a storm is that it bends."

If we are searching for a companion, for someone to share our lives with, being able to "bend" is in my opinion a valuable asset. Using a non-editable tick list may find us the "right' product, but it can be very hard to manufacture feelings of love.

According to anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher who has studied the subject for 32 years, love can be divided into three entities: Lust/Romance/Attachment.

"Lust is a craving for sexual gratification, Romance a drive rather than just an emotion, and Attachment offers a sense of calm and security one experiences with a long-term partner."

"Scientists have discovered that certain parts of the brain become deactivated when we're in love, including areas linked with negative emotions, planning, critical social assessment, the evaluation of trustworthiness and fear.

Biological studies have found that this phase of reduced cognitive function, during which faults are ignored, can last from one to two and a half years." According to what the scientists discovered, can we then assume that the right one, three years later may become the wrong one? Perhaps the term "right" when love is concerned, is a misnomer?



If love is likened to the wind, then right or wrong does not apply. It may be gentle like a breeze, over-powering like a hurricane, always present like the still air we breathe, destructive like a tornado, or propulsive like the wind that fills the sails.

                                Perhaps we need to ask ourselves what kind of "wind" we are searching for and are we equipped do deal with it?

 

"So Steve, sounds like you're looking for a good-looking house-keeper with "benefits", are you sure you're looking for a partner?"

"Now that, Bob, is a great idea. If it doesn't work out, I'll just sack her. No fuss, no mess," Steve taps Bob on the shoulder and with a brief "later" disappears down the steps to the subway.

Bob suddenly feels overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude and before he knows it, he has dialled his wife.

 

(about the painting: acrylic on molded mannequin, what is written on the sash is not my opinion, (=The Ideal woman, legless and headless) rather a sarcastic remark on an observation)