The boy picks up his torn bag from the ground.
Tears burn behind his eyes but he is determined not to show his pain. The scornful laughter of the other children hangs in the air like a bad smell.
Slowly he slings the bag across his shoulder and walks away. Not until he is safely back in his own room does he allow himself to vent his pain.
The cell phone chimes, Lisa looks at the screen and reads: "Lisa is a fat cow, mo, mo, mo." Behind her she can hear snickering. First year of college yet the antics of high school still abound. Before she goes to bed she undresses in front of the full size mirror, stares at the image and under her breath whispers, "You're a fat cow, and I hate you".
The clock strikes noon and lunch is called. Levi waits for the others to grab their lunches and walk out to the rest area.
After weeks of having been made fun of due to his accent, he has decided that he prefers to eat his lunch alone.
With a sigh Levi sits down at the work bench and unwraps his sandwiches, takes a sip of coffee and opens his book.
"-What's wrong wif ya, can't you take a joke" her boy friend says and laughs. Aileen is not laughing, she is cringing. Every time they go out with their friends her boyfriend makes sarcastic remarks about her, her appearance, her job. Lately she has even found herself questioning whether she may actually be too thin-skinned. Perhaps she should have that nose job after all?
Allan is hesitant. He knows his father wants him to start in the family business, but that is not what he wants. At the dinner table is when his father dishes out the law; since he was a small child Allan's father has told him what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and failing or coming second has never been an option. Before even uttering a word Allan can already hear his father's booming voice in his mind: "What, you want to do what?!!#$$@#!! Over my dead body, you are!" Allan decides to not say anything.
There are bullies everywhere. For the purpose of this post, let's find some definitions: A bully:
A person who uses power or strength to intimidate or harm someone perceived as weak, intentionally using aggressive behaviour to "stand over" someone verbally or physically, someone who is intentionally cruel to someone else who they perceive as weaker or different.
Seems we are very creative at finding ways of bullying: Cyber, Text, School, Workplace, Nationality, Religion, Sexual persuasion, Appearance, Size, Status, Sports, Speech, et cetera.
Anything, it seems, can be a reason for someone to bully someone else. When I was a kid I was bullied for not having a birthmark. I was told that all "real" people had a birthmark and since I did not have one, I was obviously not a "real" person. I read somewhere that a study showed that 75% of the people asked: "Have you ever been bullied?" answered "yes". So, if most of us are bullied, who are those not being bullied then?
The bullies?
According to research, most bullies are made, not born that way.
Some reasons: family problems, loneliness, frustration, insecurity, being bullied themselves, selfishness, feeling alienated, "I'm not ok, so you're not gonna be either", inability to understand what it feels like to be bullied, pressure from peers, fear, jealousy, anger, envy....et cetera.
Bullying sometimes can be done on a massive scale such as Dictators/Tyrants/Despots and the like, where millions of people end up dead. Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Pinochet, and Amin, springs to mind.
Honore` de Balzac wrote: "Perhaps it is only human to inflict suffering on anything that will endure suffering, whether by reason of its genuine humility, or indifference, or sheer helplessness."
Hmmm, may I suggest "inflicting suffering" makes us less humane regardless of being "only" human, if we involve ourselves in the act of bullying.
You have probably heard the story of the man who gets pushed around by his boss, he comes home from work and yells at the wife, the wife gets cross with the child, the child kicks the dog, the dogs barks at the cat, the cat gets the mouse...and the poor mouse dies. All because of the boss....
Although it may be tempting to believe that "I will feel better if I am better than you", as a strategy however,.... it has flaws.
Example: Will my toothache go away if I give you a headache by bossing you about?
Wouldn't a better solution perhaps be to acknowledge the reason for the pain, and then finding a remedy?
If we can begin with identifying the reason for our discomfort, we have a starting point, and understanding that the discomfort we feel is ours, we can help ourselves to overcome it.
If a bully is made, and not born, then chances are that the bully is/was bullied.
(My son experienced severe bullying through most of his school years, but I am happy to be able to say that he never resorted to any bullying behaviour as a result of it, rather the opposite, he has a great sense of compassion for others.)
Having some understanding of why a bully is a bully may help to have some compassion for the person behind the behaviour, but for me personally, bullying is never acceptable behaviour. Whether it is done by text, verbally, or physically.
"Insult is a weak persons attempt at strength" some wise person said. If most of us have been at the brunt of some bully/bullies, then most of us know how hurtful it can be when others do nothing. If we want bullying to stop, we have to get involved; we have to do something, because doing nothing will result in nothing.
“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” (Anon.)
“Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right.” (Theodore Roosevelt)
“It gets better. It seems hard, you know, I think being different is always gonna be a tough climb. There's always gonna be people that are scared of it. But at the end of the day you give those bullies, those people, that are so ignorant, if you give them the power to affect you, you're letting them win. And they don't deserve that. What you're doing by being yourself is you're keeping it real, and you're being really brave.” (Adam Lambert)
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