Attitude is no small thing.........

Viktor Frankl writes in his book: "Man's Search for Meaning: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

Just for clarity, I will offer this definition of "attitude".....a psychological response to people, society, objects, events, occurrences and circumstances, to life itself; a settled way of thinking and or feeling  about "stuff"'.

In spite of the harsh conditions, these men (the painting) are bracing themselves; one foot at the time they are trudging forward. Their "attitude", one may say, is to survive.

We (humans) all have problems to deal with at some time or another, and the way we view our problems determines our outcomes. Whether those problems, obstacles, and predicaments look big or small, depends on how we view ourselves and our capabilities. Problems may even at times assist us by providing us with motivation; "well, that's not a situation I will put myself in again".

There are some things attitude can't change for us:

We can not exchange confidence for competence; if you think you can do something=confidence, if you can do it=competence

Attitude can't substitute for experience (the problem with experience is that you rarely have it until after you need it).

Attitude can't change facts, it can't substitute for personal growth, and to sustain a positive, life affirming attitude... often daily work is needed.

There are some things attitude can change for us:

It affects our approach to life; to be happy perhaps we don't need to have the best of everything, just make the best of everything. It affects our relationships with others; a favourable attitude toward others is often reciprocal. Attitude affects how we face challenges in our lives; a "can-do" attitude often assist us in overcoming rather than succumbing to our challenges.

There are some obstacles to altering our attitude.

Feeling discouraged for instance. "Life is so hard, there are so many problems, etc."

To overcome those feelings of discouragement perhaps one may: change perspective, look at the whole picture, read/look up others who have overcome similar challenges to the ones you are dealing with, investigate plausible possibilities.

Adopt a "positive" outlook; thinking positively is not necessarily ignoring or down-playing anything, more how you think about something. Change, can also be an obstacle because it may feel awkward, risky, unknown, unfamiliar, and uncertain. Which leads me to the next obstacle; fear.

Perhaps we all have a little GFOE (General Fear Of Everything)? Fear is part of the human condition, an instinctual human response to potential danger, but is "change" really dangerous, one may ask. Change, affect our sense of need for control, and although not life threatening, we often become afraid when faced with change. First step to overcome our fears is to identify them, find their source, and in what ways they inhibit our thinking/feeling.

In amongst the fears, fear of failure may raise it's ugly head.

"If I change my attitude to a more positive one, what if xxx still happens?"

If failure =not achieving the desired or intended outcome, would any of us be walking, riding bikes, driving cars, playing instruments, paint paintings, or learn anything new to us?

Do we not become proficient by overcoming failures?

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat", said Theodore Roosevelt.

“Success is that feeling that comes after overcoming a failure, you will not feel it as long as you are not failing, so be proud of your failures, they are the path to your success."  (Mina Tadros)

So with a little "attitude adjustment" how may we view the obstacles?

Discouragement=an opportunity to find courage

Change=a broadening of perspectives

Fear=an opportunity to find previously undiscovered strengths

Failure= the path to realizing desired outcomes

 

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." (W. Clement Stone)

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it."

(Raymond Chandler)

What's the point?

“If I’m alive, then I haven’t drunk enough,” she writes. “Are you drinking now?”  he responds. “Yeah, still have three more liters of Vodka to get through”. He stares at the words on the screen.  Three  liters? How does a person even ingest such amounts ?  “But why, why do you want to drink yourself to death?” He desperately needs a cigarette, but daren’t leave the seat.  “Because nothing matters to me any more.” The words hit him in the chest like a kick from a horse. For awhile he just feels numb. What now, he thinks, what do I say to that? Thing is, he doesn’t even know if the person he is chatting with is a woman (he is assuming he is speaking with a woman because of the nick used) or an old git, or a teenager..... who knows with the net.  Why does she want to die, more so, is there anything he can write that would be of any use?     “Was there something that used to mean something to you?” he types tentatively, "do you have any friends or something you enjoy doing?”   “What’s the point, it always ends the same way,” she answers. “How do you mean, you mean they leave you?” he waits with his fingers hovering over the keys. He really wants a cigarette, so he decides to bolt for them. He quickly lights one, inhales, and feels a bit calmer. “That too, but mainly I end up hurting them because of my drinking, but I am not going to stop…..like I said, I have three more liters to get through,” she writes.  “How old are you?” he asks. “23 started drinking when I was 10.”   Whether the chatter was a female or male, 10 is very young to start drinking he thinks. . “Nothing really matters, there’s no real point to anything, it all ends up in pain anyways,” she writes and he gets a sinking feeling in his stomach. He needs to keep her talking; he learnt that when he was training as a crisis counselor so he asks: “Is there anyone you feel comfortable talking with?” “Yeah, but she’s not here now so I am going to go,” and with those words she exits the chat room.

Why do some of us sometimes feel like nothing matters, that there’s no point?
Perhaps we have lost hope and feel that nothing we do make any difference, so we have become indifferent. If that is the case then taking any kind of action will seem pointless.  Depression can often follow on the heels of indifference.  In some cases the depression may be a chemical imbalance, for others it may an accumulation of rejections, feelings of alienation, lack of sleep, low energy, loneliness, unemployment, and the list goes on. When we lose hope, we may find ourselves very skeptical towards any suggestions from well-meaning friends and family members. If we have not experienced positive, or the desired outcomes to the efforts we have made, we may become reluctant to try anything at all.
Indifference is often a symptom, not a cause, and to overcome it, we need to discover the underlying reason for our indifference. This may involve looking at our health, our diet, and the company we keep, our family dynamics, our habits, and if possible try to discover if there may have been a triggering event.

Perhaps we have become “stuck”; we may have developed an indisposition to change. Whether we are aware of it or not, we function according to our individual construct of reality; the practices, prejudices, experiences and beliefs (true or false) imbedded in our brain. “This is the only way to do it”, ‘”That’s the wrong way…”, “I tried it once, it didn’t work, so it won’t work”, “that’s the way those people all are”, et cetera.  If we can’t find the “point” with our current thinking, perhaps we may entertain new thoughts, challenge some of our beliefs, and look for hope in new places. “Unfreeze” our thinking so to speak.  What’s the point? To find it.
"All human wisdom is summed up in two words; wait and hope"
(Alexandre Dumas)



Music ....what is it?

 

I don't know of a time in my life when music has not been my constant invisible companion. As far as I can recollect, I think I was only three years old when I decided I wanted to become a jazz pianist when I grew up.

As a child I used to wonder about music; what was it really?

Bypassing taste and such and trying for a relatively objective definition: Music is an art form consisting of sounds and silences, or organised sound. Common elements are: rhythm, melody and harmony along with dynamics, timbre and textures. (The word music comes from the Greek word "mousike"; art of the muses.)

Did us humans invent music, or did we merely discover it?

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent” wrote Victor Hugo.

“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination
and life to everything.”  (Plato)

Regardless of how music came about, it is here and in most societies it plays an integral part.

We have music at weddings, funerals, parties, openings, closings, celebrations, festivals, sports events, church settings, et cetera.

Music has become such a common part of everyday soundscapes that we now perhaps don't even consciously recognise it's presence. There is music in the elevators, shopping malls, waiting rooms, lobby's, basically where there is waiting to be done, there is music. What about movies, documentaries, TV series, advertising?

There are some films, TV series, and ads, that have such an impact on us that even decades after seeing them we can easily hum the music before recalling specific images in our minds.

We may remember the song playing when we met that special someone, or when that special someone dumped us, there may be certain types of music that become a language of connection with the like minded, there may be music that assist us in expression of emotions words cannot express, there may be music that soothe and calm our souls, there may be music that energises and motivates us, there may be music that help us get in touch with the "sacred", and there may be music that allow for us to step out of the ordinary and enter the extra-ordinary.

Music, for most of us, affects our emotions, so we often listen to music that reflect how we feel. At other times we may want to change our mood so we may choose to listen to music opposite to how we feel.

According to American Music Therapy Association, music can be curative and restorative for a wide variety of conditions. For some it may help lower anxiety, lift a depressed person's spirit, and help people with trouble sleeping or falling asleep. Some scientists have found that music stimulates more parts of the brain than any other function.

Interesting to note is that although the connection between music and emotion is fairly obvious, why is it so?

Why do so many of us connect so deeply with music?

Often we use the word "touch" in regards to music. Some people "feel" the music in their bodies and feel prompted to move with it; dance, jump, twirl, etc., others may feel that they need to hum, whistle, or tap along. "Did you hear Jeff Beck play Nessum Dorma, I was so touched by it I had to hold back my emotions." "Every time I hear that song xxx, I just have to get up and dance, it just makes me want to move my body."

"I was feeling so stressed out, but when I came home I just put on "Kind of Blue" with Miles Davis and calmed right down." 

On a personal note, I remember exactly where I was when I heard the song "Bring me to life" with Evanescence. I was on the way home from a late night music gig, halfway home, when the song came on the radio. I was touched by what I heard, not only by the sincere and passionate singing, the evocative lyrics, the emotive and inspired composition, but by the music. What I heard affected all of me; body, soul and mind, I was overcome.

Interesting is that what touched me, may have left someone else totally cold. I once challenged my younger sister's then boyfriend (who said he hated classical music), to come with me to listen to a live performance with the Stockholm Philharmonic Orchestra playing Dvorak's "New World Symphony". Conclusion: He loved the performance, the music, said he "felt touched" by the music. Sitting up front in a large concert hall with the full force of a symphony orchestra playing "at you", it can be hard not to become affected by the music.

 "Music is not only able to affect your mood -- listening to particularly happy or sad music can even change the way we perceive the world, according to researchers from the University of Groningen." (Sciencedaily.com)

 

“If I had my life to live over again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once every week.”   (Charles Darwin)

“Music is the universal language of mankind.” (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

 

If music is the universal language of mankind, I wonder why some do not speak it?

I have spent hours trying to imagine a world without music.......I know there are some people who have little interest in music of any kind, who find music intrusive and un-necessary and at best a useful social lubricant, but for me, a world without music is a lesser world.

There are people who may be terrible at expressing themselves with words but amazingly eloquent with the help of music,

there are people who may feel inadequate with language, but who feel free and liberated when they move their bodies in harmony with music,

there are people who cannot speak without a stutter, but the minute they begin to sing even a nightingale cannot keep up.

 

“Music is the great uniter. An incredible force. Something that people who differ on everything and anything else can have in common.” (Sarah Dessen)

“Joy, sorrow, tears, lamentation, laughter -- to all these music gives voice, but in such a way that we are transported from the world of unrest to a world of peace, and see reality in a new way, as if we were sitting by a mountain lake and contemplating hills and woods and clouds in the tranquil and fathomless water.” (Albert Schweitzer)

 



Finding the "right" one.....

 

Bob bumps in to Steve in the street and they begin a conversation.

"Still looking for the "right" one Steve? Bob asks.

"Yes, I am Bob, I know she is out there somewhere," Steve answers.

"How will you know she's the right one?'

"I'll just know Bob, she will tick all the boxes."

"Hmm, so what are those then Steve?"

"So, she will be good looking, have a nice figure, be smart but not too smart, she will not tell me how to dress or what to eat, she will be okay with me spending "hang-time" with the boys, she won't ask where I've been if I'm a bit late because she will trust me, she'll be a good cook and keep our place nice, you know, just regular stuff Bob."

"And, yeah, of course, we will have mind shattering sex most nights" Steve says with a big smile.

"That's quite a list Steve, what about love, you haven't mentioned anything about love?"

"What do you mean Bob, are not all those things part of love, I mean, would you love someone who doesn't tick all those boxes?"

Bob thinks of his wife and tries to remember if he had had a "tick" list, but all he remembers is his wife's laugh, her kindness, and how from the first time they met they had an invisible bond.

"What if your "right one" also has a tick list, don't you have to tick all the boxes on her list then?" Bob asks.

"Sure, but if she is the right one, our tick lists will line up Bob."

Is that what some of us do, do we have an "ingredients" list, and when the "product" has all the desired ingredients, we "buy" it?

Have we become shallow, do we search for the "right" one based on superficial values? Have we finally bludgeoned the word love to death with the result that all that is left are the "ingredients" for a half decent "omelet"?

"This is what is the matter with us, we are bleeding at the roots, because we are cut off from earth, and sun, and stars, and love is a grinning mockery, because, we plucked it from its stem on the Tree of Life, and expected it to keep blooming in our civilised vase on the table." (D H Lawrence)

When we search for the right one what about all the "almost" right ones? Even if we are set on a path of seeking for the right one, perhaps it could be of benefit to us to have a serious look at our criteria, ask ourselves why they are so important to us? If we are seeking for the right one, chances are we have already had experiences with the "wrong" one.

What made them wrong, and did we play some part in them being wrong? The ability to adapt can possibly be viewed as one of mankind's best assets and perhaps we need to look for the right wrong one. Pretty much most of our physical appearance can be altered, and our points of view, belief systems, tastes, values, can be amended. We can learn new ways of doing things, take classes, go to seminars, take lessons, do research, and much more. We can change, and so can others.

"The reason any tree can weather a storm is that it bends."

If we are searching for a companion, for someone to share our lives with, being able to "bend" is in my opinion a valuable asset. Using a non-editable tick list may find us the "right' product, but it can be very hard to manufacture feelings of love.

According to anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher who has studied the subject for 32 years, love can be divided into three entities: Lust/Romance/Attachment.

"Lust is a craving for sexual gratification, Romance a drive rather than just an emotion, and Attachment offers a sense of calm and security one experiences with a long-term partner."

"Scientists have discovered that certain parts of the brain become deactivated when we're in love, including areas linked with negative emotions, planning, critical social assessment, the evaluation of trustworthiness and fear.

Biological studies have found that this phase of reduced cognitive function, during which faults are ignored, can last from one to two and a half years." According to what the scientists discovered, can we then assume that the right one, three years later may become the wrong one? Perhaps the term "right" when love is concerned, is a misnomer?



If love is likened to the wind, then right or wrong does not apply. It may be gentle like a breeze, over-powering like a hurricane, always present like the still air we breathe, destructive like a tornado, or propulsive like the wind that fills the sails.

                                Perhaps we need to ask ourselves what kind of "wind" we are searching for and are we equipped do deal with it?

 

"So Steve, sounds like you're looking for a good-looking house-keeper with "benefits", are you sure you're looking for a partner?"

"Now that, Bob, is a great idea. If it doesn't work out, I'll just sack her. No fuss, no mess," Steve taps Bob on the shoulder and with a brief "later" disappears down the steps to the subway.

Bob suddenly feels overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude and before he knows it, he has dialled his wife.

 

(about the painting: acrylic on molded mannequin, what is written on the sash is not my opinion, (=The Ideal woman, legless and headless) rather a sarcastic remark on an observation)



On wearing masks...

 

Since antiquity, masks have been used. They can be used for protection, disguise, ceremonial use, ornamentation, in religious situations, on stage, for Halloween, as art objects, not to mention that many super villains and super heroes rely on them. But what about us everyday ordinary people, do we use them as well?

Let me ask you this; have you ever been in a situation where you felt one way, but your facial expression showed something else?

"Really Joey, I do love you, but only as a friend," she says and although Joey's heart is crushed he puts on a happy face and answers: "Ok, I understand, let's be friends then."

"You understand Henry, don't you, I mean, sure you've been here longer than Steve, but the company needs a fresh new face," says the manager. "Oh, absolutely, I understand, all in the best interest of the company," Henry answers and with the greatest of effort manages to smile through his feelings of disappointment.

Most of us learn as we grow up that we are nor supposed to "wear our hearts on our sleeves", that we need to "put on a happy face"; we learn to wear our "social" masks. "Ok, so it hurt a lot when x dropped an xyz on your foot, just suck it up, be a man" or "don't be such a cry baby, just get on with it". Is it possible that many of us are encouraged( depending on culture) from very early in our lives to disguise our true feelings, to hide behind a "mask"?

One of my most painful memories as a young person was when someone I liked asked me(I couldn't believe my luck!) to meet up and see a movie together. It was in the middle of winter, 15 below zero, and a very long walk to the movie theatre. I rugged up, put on heavy boots, gloves, the lot. Braved the snowstorm alone, heart pounding and hope flying high. I stood outside that movie theatre for over two hours, in a blizzard, each minute passing chilling my young heart.

After three hours my beloved showed up...on the arm of another. "What made you think I would ever go out with you, you fool?" the words shattered my heart, my hope, my self esteem. I donned a mask of disdain and determination to hide me brittle feelings, then started the long walk home............

If we are encouraged to wear masks to hide our true feelings, what may be some advantages of doing so?

Stoicism? Being the strong, silent type? Less vulnerability? Privacy of emotions?

Protection by anonymity? If we juggle many different masks, then how do we recognise our authentic self?

Jason in Friday the 13th, Michael Meyers in Halloween, "Leather Face" in Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Zodiac killer(serial killer), and most of the killers in the Slasher Horror Movie genre all wear masks; when they take off their masks, what do they see? Does the mask eventually become their true face and what used to be their true face, a mask?

In "Bruiser", a movie by George A Romero, the mask becomes Henry's(the main character) true face in the end.

If we hide our emotions behind a mask of stoicism, how long can we do so without some kind of emotional repercussion?

Just for fun, go and stand in front of a mirror and really look at your face.....What do you see?

Does your facial expression represent a true reflection of your emotions? If not, then find one that does. How does that feel? If you are feeling really happy, make a miserable face. How does that feel?

Although science tells us that it takes more muscles to frown than smile, if a person walks around smiling constantly, eventually most people will question the sincerity behind that smile. Is it not peculiar how we question the sincerity of constant smiling but not frowning?

If there are "fake" smiles, are there "fake" frowns?

There are probably times when wearing a "mask" can help us cope with a difficult situation, it may buy us some time to be able to process what we are feeling. As long as we don't confuse the mask we are wearing with who we are.

 

“No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” (Nathaniel Hawthorne)

"We all have a social mask, right? We put it on, we go out, put our best foot forward, our best image. But behind that social mask is a personal truth, what we really, really believe about who we are and what we`re capable of." 
(Amy Hall)

 

This stone mask from the pre-ceramic Neolithic period dates to 7000 BC and is probably the oldest mask in the world.

(from Wikipedia)

The original Emoticon?

Bullies are made, not born,....... so they say

 

The boy picks up his torn bag from the ground.

Tears burn behind his eyes but he is determined not to show his pain. The scornful laughter of the other children hangs in the air like a bad smell.

Slowly he slings the bag across his shoulder and walks away. Not until he is safely back in his own room does he allow himself to vent his pain.

The cell phone chimes, Lisa looks at the screen and reads: "Lisa is a fat cow, mo, mo, mo." Behind her she can hear snickering. First year of college yet the antics of high school still abound. Before she goes to bed she undresses in front of the full size mirror, stares at the image and under her breath whispers, "You're a fat cow, and I hate you".

The clock strikes noon and lunch is called. Levi waits for the others to grab their lunches and walk out to the rest area.

After weeks of having been made fun of due to his accent, he has decided that he prefers to eat his lunch alone.

With a sigh Levi sits down at the work bench and unwraps his sandwiches, takes a sip of coffee and opens his book.

"-What's wrong wif ya, can't you take a joke" her boy friend says and laughs. Aileen is not laughing, she is cringing. Every time they go out with their friends her boyfriend makes sarcastic remarks about her, her appearance, her job. Lately she has even found herself questioning whether she may actually be too thin-skinned. Perhaps she should have that nose job after all?

Allan is hesitant. He knows his father wants him to start in the family business, but that is not what he wants. At the dinner table is when his father dishes out the law; since he was a small child Allan's father has told him what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and failing or coming second has never been an option. Before even uttering a word Allan can already hear his father's booming voice in his mind: "What, you want to do what?!!#$$@#!! Over my dead body, you are!" Allan decides to not say anything.

There are bullies everywhere. For the purpose of this post, let's find some definitions: A bully:

A person who uses power or strength to intimidate or harm someone perceived as weak, intentionally using aggressive behaviour to "stand over" someone verbally or physically, someone who is intentionally cruel to someone else who they perceive as weaker or different.

Seems we are very creative at finding ways of bullying: Cyber, Text, School, Workplace, Nationality, Religion, Sexual persuasion, Appearance, Size, Status, Sports, Speech, et cetera.

Anything, it seems, can be a reason for someone to bully someone else. When I was a kid I was bullied for not having a birthmark. I was told that all "real" people had a birthmark and since I did not have one, I was obviously not a "real" person. I read somewhere that a study showed that 75% of the people asked: "Have you ever been bullied?" answered "yes". So, if most of us are bullied, who are those not being bullied then?

The bullies?

According to research, most bullies are made, not born that way.

Some reasons: family problems, loneliness, frustration, insecurity, being bullied themselves, selfishness, feeling alienated, "I'm not ok, so you're not gonna be either", inability to understand what it feels like to be bullied, pressure from peers, fear, jealousy, anger, envy....et cetera.

Bullying sometimes can be done on a massive scale such as Dictators/Tyrants/Despots and the like, where millions of people end up dead. Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Pinochet, and Amin, springs to mind.

Honore` de Balzac wrote: "Perhaps it is only human to inflict suffering on anything that will endure suffering, whether by reason of its genuine humility, or indifference, or sheer helplessness." 

Hmmm, may I suggest "inflicting suffering" makes us less humane regardless of being "only" human, if we involve ourselves in the act of bullying.

You have probably heard the story of the man who gets pushed around by his boss, he comes home from work and yells at the wife, the wife gets cross with the child, the child kicks the dog, the dogs barks at the cat, the cat gets the mouse...and the poor mouse dies. All because of the boss....

Although it may be tempting to believe that "I will feel better if I am better than you", as a strategy however,.... it has flaws.

Example: Will my toothache go away if I give you a headache by bossing you about?

Wouldn't a better solution perhaps be to acknowledge the reason for the pain, and then finding a remedy?

If we can begin with identifying the reason for our discomfort, we have a starting point, and understanding that the discomfort we feel is ours, we can help ourselves to overcome it.

If a bully is made, and not born, then chances are that the bully is/was bullied.

(My son experienced severe bullying through most of his school years, but I am happy to be able to say that he never resorted to any bullying behaviour as a result of it, rather the opposite, he has a great sense of compassion for others.)

 Having some understanding of why a bully is a bully may help to have some compassion for the person behind the behaviour, but for me personally, bullying is never acceptable behaviour. Whether it is done by text, verbally, or physically.

"Insult is a weak persons attempt at strength" some wise person said. If most of us have been at the brunt of some bully/bullies, then most of us know how hurtful it can be when others do nothing. If we want bullying to stop, we have to get involved; we have to do something, because doing nothing will result in nothing.

 “When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” (Anon.)

“Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right.” (Theodore Roosevelt)

 

“It gets better. It seems hard, you know, I think being different is always gonna be a tough climb. There's always gonna be people that are scared of it. But at the end of the day you give those bullies, those people, that are so ignorant, if you give them the power to affect you, you're letting them win. And they don't deserve that. What you're doing by being yourself is you're keeping it real, and you're being really brave.” (Adam Lambert)



Talking is good for you.....

 

"Let's talk", she says.

"What about?", he answers.

"I don't know, anything," she replies.

"Um, so what did you do today?" he asks hesitantly.

"Oh, forget it", she returns with a sigh.

The man picks up a newspaper on a nearby table and begin to read. The woman sighs as both of them return into their own bubbles of existence.

 

At the University of Maryland a team of researches set about to discover if there is a biological reason why women tend to find talking easier than men.

So what this team of neuroscientists and psychologists, led by Margaret McCarthy, did was to study rats and identify a protein called Foxp2 which was found to be associated with vocalisation. Male rats tended to have more of this protein than females so they reduced the protein's rate of production in baby males and discovered that the baby males became less squeaky. So they tried it on humans; 10 children aged three to five had their Foxp2 levels checked.

What they found was that the girls had 30 percent more of Foxp2 protein in the key area of the brain related to language in humans. In rats, males are more talkative and have more of the "talking" protein, but with humans, girls have more of the Foxp2 protein and so are more talkative.

Professor Mark Lieberman, professor of Phonetics at the University of Pennsylvania, suggests that "women speak more than men" is an urban myth. It is factually untrue, but mythically resonant, he says. He thinks that there is an element of misogyny in the belief that women talk more than men, and rather than being a fact it is based on pop-psychology and self-help books.

What about you? Do you think women speak more than men? Is there a difference in topics? Are women better at chit-chat than men? Do men speak more of facts and women more of emotions; feelings?

As far as I can ascertain, the jury is out on that one, but it seem to me that one thing most agree on: it depends on a persons upbringing more than the gender.

Kid comes home from school, throw his/her bag on the floor and goes straight to his/her room and slams the door.

Husband/wife comes home from work and goes straight for the stiff drink.

 The parent/partner may ask: "What's going on, you wanna talk about it?"

For those of us who grew up in an environment in which talking about our thoughts, feelings, activities were encouraged, talking is a "natural" thing to do. Talking with others in such situation is not viewed so much as  "spilling ones guts", but rather as a sharing, interactive undertaking. Some of us perhaps grew up in an environment in which talking is more to do with sharing information of a more factual nature. Some of us perhaps in homes where there is a mix of both, and unfortunately( I think) there are some of us who grew up in environments where we were never encouraged to talk at all about ourselves, our thoughts, our beliefs, or our emotions.

Through talking we exchange ideas, information, feelings, thoughts, fears, beliefs, directions, et cetera. In other words, talking offers us the opportunity to give others a glimpse of how we view ourselves and our view of the world, as well as vice verse.

Sometimes we may prefer to not talk about "it", but in general, most agree that talking is an important part of our relationships. Being listened to and listening to what others have to say, not only help us feel cared for, but it also let others know we care for them.

Some suggest that women are better at talking about their feelings than men, that men prefer to talk about facts and figures; "feelingless" topics, but could that not also just be urban myth?

In 1895 "Studies on Hysteria" by Josef Breuer was published, and in it the term "The Talking Cure". He used it for the verbal therapy given his patient Bertha Pappenheim (under the alias Anna O.)  Ernest Jones put it, "On one occasion she related the details of the first appearance of a particular symptom and, to Breuer's great astonishment, this resulted in its complete disappearance". (Ernest Jones was a British neurologist/psychoanalyst and Sigmund Freud's official biographer.) The term "talking cure" was later adopted by Sigmund Freud to describe the fundamental work of psychoanalysis.

Although talking to each other is essential for us humans there are a number of stereotypical terms we frequently use that may prevent us from feeling at ease with talking to others; blabber mouth, bleeding heart, chatterbox, rumour mill, verbal diarrhoea, spilling ones guts, talkative, gabby, to mention a few. What are some more positive definitions?

Hmmmm.  A good talker(but this can be used sarcastically), a good communicator(communication includes body language, facial expressions as well), conversation, dialogue, verbal interaction.

Talking about what is alive in us strengthen our relationships with others, it may also help us to understand ourselves as well as others.

"Thinking: the talking of the soul within". (Plato)

While searching for quotes on talking, I am perplexed by how often the term has negative undertones attached.
"Talking Therapy", such as Cognitive behavioural therapies, CBT, Dialectic behaviour therapy, DBT, Psychoanalysis, Counselling, are all based on scientific method and thousands of lives have improved as a direct result of treatment through such, which makes me wonder why "talking" gets such a bad rap? Is not the first thing we want to do when we get that job, win the lottery, buy that longed for item, find a lost friend, win a game, find that soul mate, get a hole-in-one, et cetera; to tell someone about it?
If we trust people with our good news, why not with the bad?
"A book that is never opened cannot be enjoyed.
Music that is never performed, cannot be heard."

"If no one knows of the burden we are carrying, they cannot help us carry it.
If no one knows when we soar on wings of joy, they cannot soar with us."