On "growing up" and becoming an "adult"....

 

Have you ever heard of the "The Elephant Man", that is; Josef(John) Merrick? It is an amazing story and in the hands of David Lynch the director, it becomes a tale in moving pictures of human dignity and integrity, compassion and the life of an extraordinary man.

Can you remember a time when you were told to "grow up"? Or maybe the words used were: "Be adult about it, why don't you behave like an adult"?  What is an adult? According to some, an adult is a human being or living organism that has attained sexual maturity, ie; of reproductive maturity. For a human it also indicates a level of independence, self-sufficiency and responsibility. Legally there is a shift from being a dependent to an independent, one becomes responsible for ones actions. Most societies have an agreed upon age when this is to occur, problem is.......do we all really mature at the same age?

Biologically speaking maybe most of us mature about the same age, but what about psychologically/emotionally?

Behaviourists have demonstrated that a humans growth can be stumped by a lack of emotional contact, sociologists how our environment can affect our growth, and other sciences how our growth can become affected by a multitude of external interferences which leads me to assume that there seem to be many varied aspects to "growing up" and maturing in to an "adult".
Perhaps adulthood is not only/primarily based on age but also on our emotional maturity. But what is emotional maturity and what qualifies as such?

(Before I go on I need to state that these views are my own, so feel free to disagree.....:)

Perhaps our growing and maturing never ends, perhaps it is a never ending process, a part of the "human condition" so to speak. Learning, growing and changing are our continuous "bedfellows" regardless of how many years we clock up. Recognising that we are all "travellers" in life, we have the opportunity to develop a greater sense of  patience and acceptance for others. As we ourselves trip and fall at times, make mistakes, miscalculate, we have the chance of sharing our experiences with others and offer a helping hand (all the while realising their right to reject it).

As we mature we may learn to identify the difference between wanting and needing something.

"I want a 10 feet plasma, but do I really need one?" "I want my partner to............, but do I need him/her to?" "I want people to take me seriously, but I need people to hear my heart".

Maybe we begin by questioning if there is a common conception of the terms and if so, do we agree?

As the mother encourages her son to sit down in the doctor's chair for his vaccination shot, she says: "Tim, be a brave lad, be grown up like your brother Steven, it will be alright".

The father calls his teenage daughter into his office at home and says: "Marina, listen, you have to behave more grown up and help your mother with the household chores."

The girlfriend decides that she has finally had enough and says to her boyfriend: Alex, you're so immature, grow up! You chose between your football buddies and me, cos I'm not putting up with this nonsense anymore!"

The friend grabs the car keys from his buddy and says: "Man, why do you always have to overdo it?

When are you gonna grow up and learn to handle your booze?"

What we deem as adult/grown-up emotional behaviour is dependent on how we define those terms, which in turn depends on our own experiences of such behaviour.

Many of us may equate being an adult with:  doing/behaving in a collectively acceptable fashion, i.e; we do what is required from us, when it is required.

Josef Merrick, the "Elephant Man" had very few good examples of "mature" adults in his brief life. He was short changed at every turn, beaten, robbed, rejected, until one day when the police found him on the streets of London, unable to communicate but with a Frederick Treves, (a surgeon at the London Hospital), business card on him. Josef was brought to the London Hospital by Treves where he then remained for the rest of his life as a good friend of Treves. At the hospital, Josef was visited by many of London's society including Alexandra, Princess of Wales.  

Which leads me to ask the question; is behaving, being an "adult" maybe a matter of choice?
Josef Merrick, with very few role models of mature, decent adults, somehow managed to chose to become one.  Described by those who got to know him, he was a fine human being, sensitive, intelligent, upstanding, and a mature/adult human. This suggests to me that maybe we can chose to behave emotionally mature regardless of our role models.

Once we have the right to drive a car, cast a vote, get married, set up home, take out bank loans, etc. are we automatically "grown-ups"? Does the ability to make emotionally "mature" decisions come along with those rights? What are emotionally mature decisions?

Here are some suggestions of behaviours that for me are indications of maturity: taking ownership of ones actions, being sensitive and respectful to others feelings and opinions, keeping an open mind, being confident without arrogance, showing respect for public and personal spaces, understanding and managing ones emotions, to mention a few.
Perhaps being an adult means pausing before reacting, listening before speaking, thinking before judging, praising before criticising, loving before acting.
 

"Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values."

(Joshua L. Liebman)

 

“The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up.” 
(John C. Maxwell)

ps. the painting does not depict Josef Merrick, it was however painted with him in mind.