Why do we do it? do all of us do it or only some of us?
What am I talking about? I am talking about why some
of us seem to have an innate or in-built behaviour pattern
of wanting to ''fix'' or to solve or at least help (in some
way) people who are in distress.
As a kid I was severely bullied and often beaten up.
Only once did another kid intervene and try to
stop the beating. Although I was pleasantly
surprised when it happened, the new-found
friendship however, did not last very long.
At nine years of age,
Life lesson number 1.
Friends come in a manifold of diverse/different
varieties. Each category comes with its own
often un-spoken but still specific rules and
expectations.
As I remember it, having many friends, being popular,
being liked by your peers, meant everything.
Not to me, but as far as I could ascertain
to most of the kids at school.
So here's the strange thing with me;
although I was bullied every day
I never saw myself as a victim, instead,
I thought there was something wrong with
the kids who had to pick on others all the time.
Life lesson number 2.
Hurt people hurt others to make themselves
feel better.
When I started college I joined a choir and
changed my subjects from science to all
things humanitarian. I also decided that I was
going to audition for the Conservatorium
of music as soon as college finished.
I, was going to become a professional jazz
musician, come hell or high water.
All through the college years I had one really good
friend who was a math fanatic so we both knew
that we would be following very different paths
when college finished.
Life lesson number 3.
One true, really good friend, is enough when
the friendship is authentic and founded on
shared values and life principles.
As I stepped into the foyer on my first day
of finally studying what I really wanted to learn,
I knew. I was finally among MY people.
There was music everywhere. Behind every closed
door seeped, no, oozed music of some sort or another.
Somehow there was an instant connection between us
''students'' the minute we said hello to each other.
We were all there because we felt very committed
to and passionate about music. We were ready to
give our all in the pursuit of becoming fully
fledged professional musicians.
Life lesson number 3.
Artists are a different tribe of people. The language
we/they speak, we/they speak the clearest and truest
when we/they use our chosen artistic ''language''.
Although these days we have a little more
understanding and patience with ''creative types'',
I am going to throw caution to the wind and
suggest that most of us ''neuro divergent''
/creative types, have been told by ''well meaning
but non-understanding'' friends and relatives:
You are too: sensitive, deep thinking, over analyzing,
serious, quiet, no sense of humor, insecure,
intense, etc. etc. etc.
They will have ideas how to fix us.
''Lets fix it. This is what you got to do.''
Ex: Just relax! Don't be so uptight all the time.
Go mix with people. Start a conversation. Try to
open up a bit. And many more similar suggestions....
Life lesson number 4.
We all are outfitted with mirror neurons.
These neurons fire/respond equally when
we perform an action or watch somebody
else doing it. Watching somebody cry
or yawn for instance, fires up our mirror
neurons to follow suit. (Animals do the same)
It's called empathy.
Having almost got myself killed a few times
due to throwing myself headfirst into
all manner of dangerous situations,
I seem to be an incurable ''fixer'', ''solver''
and in my view...helper.
Having been told off a number of times by
my son for ''always trying to fix/solve things'',
I now try to think before I act.
I can't stand seeing humans or animals being
hurt by cruel, callous and ruthless un-thinking
careless people.
Life lesson number 5.
Instead of trying to ''fix or solve'' a person or a situation,
ASK first what you can do to help,
then offer potential fixes and or solutions.
''No act of kindness, no matter how small,
is ever wasted.''
(Aesop?)
''Be the change you wish to see in the world.''
(Mahatma Gandhi)
about the image: Graphite on brown paper
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