A few years ago one of my readers contacted me and asked
if I could write about love.
-What kind of love? I asked him.
-What do you mean with what ''kind of love''? he answered.
-Well, in my view the word ''love'' is one of those words
that often when we use it, we redefine it, I responded.
-I've never thought of if that way but I would really
appreciate it if you could share some of your thoughts
on it.
Since he asked so nicely I told him I would give it a try.
Love, in my view, is a high wire act.
How so?
''Love'' as far as I understand it, is like
an umbrella term for an array of different
kinds of deeply experienced and held emotions.
We may say that we ''love'' cheese, cars, music, art,
rainy days, flowers, surfing, hanging out with friends,
binge our favourite shows, play with our kids,
etc. etc. etc. but I have a feeling that when we use
the word ''love'' about those things, we are not talking
about the kind of love we use to define how we
feel about our nearest and dearest.
Why High wire act?
As I view it,
love is often a balancing act including
all manners of risky elements and
authentic love will require from us to
embrace the risk of the unknown and the
possibility of loss and or transformation.
I have used the word ''authentic love''
because I believe that there are times
when we may confuse what we call love
with what may perhaps be ''better'' defined
as what we believe we need.
If we believe that our happiness/quality of
life hinges on being the recipient of other's
love, attention and respect rather than
the love, attention and respect we offer
others, are we trying to fulfill a need
based on satisfying our ego or are we
trying to express and communicate
our authentic feelings of love?
Basically, the difference between love and needs
may be:
''Love lets go. Needs hold on.''
(Neale Donald Walsch)
Have we idealized love to the extent that we
have now come to develop unrealistic
expectations of what it is supposed to be and
what it should do for us?
Does expectations really have anything to do
with love???
I don't believe so.
I believe that love is fluid and malleable
rather than static and unchangeable.
An emotional process rather than a logical
position.
According to the ancient Greeks there are
different kinds of love:
Storge {family love/including pets}
Agape {love for our fellow humans, critters}
Philia {friendship/platonic love}
Eros {romantic/passionate love}
Different as these different kinds of love
may be, they do have one thing in common:
Expectations.
Often unspoken but strongly assumed.
Expectations have a lot to do with
determining how we view our reality.
When or if our expectations are not
aligning with the way we view our reality,
we often feel let down, disappointed or frustrated.
Mother to son: I expected you to come home earlier.
Son: Why? I told you I didn't know when I would be back.
Father to daughter: Is that what you're wearing???
I expect you to dress decently.
Daughter: Why? This is what all my friends are wearing.
Wife to husband: I expected you home earlier.
Why didn't you call me?
Husband: I'm sorry. My battery died.
Lover to lover: If you love me you should know
how I feel about it.
Lover: I do love you but I don't always know what
you feel.
Etc. etc. etc. etc.
Love, whether of the Storge, Agape, Eros or Philia
kind, fares more harmoniously in my view when
we act with patience, resilience, compassion,
forgiveness, attention and with a whole hearted
commitment to others wellbeing.
Love may at times appear to be an enigma,
that elusive something that always seem to be out of reach.
Take courage my friend, for the truth of it is.
That deep inside of you, the very core of you,
is where love lives.
about the image: water colour on paper edited
in Elements
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