Being ''different'' means asking: But what if...?

What is it like to be ''different''?

Is being different a ''good'' or a ''bad'' thing?

Depends. On what? On how the person using

the word different interprets/understands the word.

In some circumstances being different can be experienced

as an attribute, a ''good'' thing, in some others....not so much.

We quickly learn as children that it feels good to be ''liked''

by others. It feels good to be included, invited, and accepted.

We also quickly learn that if we want to be included, invited and

accepted we have to conform and ''behave''* like those who we

want to be accepted by.

(*Behave as in conduct ourselves in accordance with the accepted

norms of the group we want to belong to.)

When I was six or seven years old was the first

time, I think, that I experienced what being different

could mean. 

-You come with me, said the music teacher. 

Perplexed I stopped playing the recorder/flute and asked:

-Where am I going?

-We are going upstairs, just follow me, she answered.

I was convinced that I had done something wrong.

Silently I followed her upstairs into a small room

filled with music stands and piles of sheet music.

-Here, sit down on this chair. I sat down.

The music teacher placed some sheet music on a stand 

in front of me, sat down on a chair next to me,

 and then started to play on her recorder.

Suddenly she stopped.

-Can you play what I just played? she asked.

Puzzled I repeated on my recorder what she had played.

-I knew it, from our first lesson I knew that you were different,

she said and smiled.

Unfortunately, well intentioned as the music teacher's

act was, it became the beginning of me being mercilessly

bullied for being ''the teacher's pet''.

I didn't view myself as different, or the teachers pet, I was

just me. A six-year old who somehow had a knack for

playing the recorder.

Fast forward years and years and I have now become

 accustomed to being called ''different''.

If you reading this have also experienced being called

different, I would like to share some thoughts with you.

First, there are a lot of us ''different'' people.

So you belong. You are not alone.

There are a lot of us who are told that we are ''too'', too

sensitive, too introverted, too deep, too intense, too

emotional, too different, too this that and the other.

To this my question is: what is the right amount thereof

and who gets to decide that?

As far as I can ascertain none of us have chosen our

genetic make-up, the only thing we get to choose is what

to do with it.

I have often wondered if not some of us are born

with the question ''but what if....?'' on our lips.

Also, if it may be possible that ''but what if?'' at times

plays a big part in how we discover new ways of doing,

thinking, viewing, perceiving, and interpreting a number of

known and unknown ''things''.

One last thought:

If people tell you that you're ''different'',

take it as a compliment. 

If it wasn't for people being ''different'',

would ice cream come in so many different flavours?

''The person who follows the crowd will usually go

no further than the crowd. The person who walks

alone is likely to find him(/her)self in places no one

has ever seen before.''

(Albert Einstein)

about the image: acrylic on large canvas

Turning pain into a creative expression........

''But what is it supposed to mean?'' is a question I have often

been asked by people viewing some of my art works.

More often than not I would answer with: ''Well, what do you think

it means?'' followed up with ''It means whatever you think

it means''. 

Standing in front of a large white canvas for the first time

I felt such a sense of freedom that I decided to ''hang

rules and techniques''. I was just going to paint intuitively.

Having spent years improvising in music, why not do

the same when painting?

This is one of my earliest paintings and I began

painting it by deciding to slop on some blue and

green on the canvas. (Probably because I was listening to

a Miles Davis tune by the name ''Blue in Green'' at the

time.)

I grabbed a bit of charcoal, did some ''improvising'',

 and then as if out of nowhere and right before my 

eyes ...........the boy appeared. 

One of the most wonderful aspects of art in my view,

is that (I believe) it is a subjective experience. 

I find that how we experience artworks is often affected 

by our emotional state at the time of viewing/listening

to them.

Another wonderful thing about art is that it

works so well as a symbolic language.

As in: ''A picture paints a thousand words'', music can

sound like the rushing wind, the roaring ocean, the

flight of a bumble bee, etc. etc. etc..

A poem/song lyrics can describe our inner most thoughts

and feelings with the use of but a few words.

A single photograph can for example 

capture a historic/epic/extraordinary moment

in time.

With words we can create imaginary worlds, universes,

beings, etc. etc. etc......

Having said this, let me give you the title for the

painting at the top: ''Heartbreak.''

Huh? you may say.

Why not ''The red chair''?

Let me explain.

As a kid my family used to spend our summers at our

summer cottage. It was a wonderful place full of

all sorts of wild berries, marvelous hiding spaces and

best of all....waterfrontage with a jetty to either

sunbathe on or jump off.

Occasionally we (the kids) would be allowed to invite

a friend to come and stay with us, and as we grew

older, even boy/girlfriends.

The summer I turned 17 the love of my life (and

also my first love) broke up with me.

It affected me so much that no matter how much

the sun shone brightly, the water in the lake glittered and 

sparkled, for me, summer ended abruptly and autumn 

 arrived with all it's muted and solemn dark colours.

(the background of the jetty)

I felt alone (the red chair), empty and isolated (the blue

outline around the chair) in my pain.

Hence the title ''Heartbreak.''

(I hope this makes sense to you, but if the painting

means/depicts something totally different to you,

I respect that.)

After the summer was over and the family returned home,

I decided to channel my emotions through music.

The piano became my love, my friend, and my comfort

in the storm.

A year or so later I was accepted into a sought after (respected)

 Music school. My life as an artist had begun.

Years later..... my very creative teenage son is experiencing

his first heartbreak. Remembering how awful I felt when

I experienced it, I was determined to find something

at least a bit helpful to say to him.

As he was already a budding artist, this is what I blurted

out: ''Paint the pain, write it out, say it with music,

say it with photographs. Pain when expressed creatively

can become a piece of art, pain when repressed or 

dwelled upon, can make you a prisoner to the dark.''

''Art is an outer expression of an inner experience.''

(Citizen Z)

''Creating artwork allows your mind to be in a safe

place while it contemplates the tougher issues you

 are dealing with.''

(George E. Miller)

about the images: acrylic on large canvases

Title of 2nd image: ''Blue in Green''

''I know just how you feel.......Well, not really.....

''I know just how you feel''.

Something we may say in an attempt to comfort

someone. To show that we are on his/her side.

That we understand what he/she is going through.

But do we? Can we?

So here is my quandary: Is it possible for any one of us to truly

  know what another human feels?

''There are things that we know. There are things that we know

that we don't know. And then there are things that we don't know that

we don't know.'' ( said by ?)

When we say that we know something...what do we really mean?

Perhaps we may mean that we understand, comprehend, apprehend,

grasp something. I guess it may depend on context?

However, the ''knowing'' bit becomes in my view quite murky

when we add ''feelings'' to the knowing.

Some years ago I did a crisis counselling course and one of

the most profound wisdoms I gained from the course was

how limited my vocabulary was when it came to feelings.

(This I discovered when during an exercise we were asked

to write down 20 different feelings and I failed miserably at

doing so.)

You feel sad? As in: down, miserable, depressed, lonely,

unhappy, downhearted, etc. etc. etc.?

You feel angry? As in: upset, frustrated, cross, annoyed, irritated,

irate, etc. etc. etc.?

You feel bored? As in: disinterested, blasé, fed up, uninterested,

etc. etc. etc.?

You feel unhappy? As in: sad, miserable, rejected, dejected,

despondent, alienated, dispirited, etc. etc. etc.?

You feel lost? As in: unmotivated, directionless, discouraged,

alienated, dispirited, isolated, etc. etc. etc.?

The more specific we can be when we are verbally

 communicating our feelings/emotions, the easier it will

be for others to understand/decode what we are trying

to convey.

However, as a lot of communication these days may 

perhaps exponentially be exchanged into text form, and so possibly

rather than increasing our vocabularies, we may find

them shrinking.

As far as I can ascertain, although texting has a lot

of pluses, it also has minuses.

Communicating through texting we are not able to

 convey body-language, facial expressions, tone and

emotion, eye contact and ''build'' a genuine connection

and trust.

That's what emoji's are for, you may say.

Yes, we can use emoji's but emoji's can apparently

 (I have discovered) be used ''ironically'' and

they can create ambiguity and confusion.

Texting encourages rapid-fire, single-thought conversations,

but when it comes to sensitive and sincere conversations,

in my view such are often ''better'' (more conducive to) 

 face to face.

Let's imagine a convo on a mobile/cell phone.

                                                   Sender: Feeling down today. 😔

                                                   Receiver: Why?

                                                   Sender: Dunno. Hard to say.😟

                                                   Receiver: Everyone feels a bit down sometimes

                                                                           I know just how you feel. 😏

                                                   Sender: You do too?

                                                   Receiver: Nah, not me. I stay positive.😎

                                                   Sender: You wanna catch up later?

                                                   Receiver: Sorry, got stuff to do. I'll call you later.

                                                   Sender: Okay. Later then.

Doing the counselling course I learned a few very gentle

and simple but profound new ways of ''conversing''.

If someone tells me he/she is feeling down, low, sad, etc....

don't ask why, just say ''How can I help?''.

If someone tells me that he/she is feeling lonely,

don't ask why, just offer to listen.

If someone tells me that he/she feels anxious, nervous, etc..

don't tell him/her you know ''just how it feels'',

just ask: ''How long have you been feeling this way?''

If someone texts me saying that he/she is feeling lost and confused,

don't ask anything just text back:

 ''Please call me so we can chat properly

 or would you like to come over?''

I still have to remind myself to not use the phrase

''I know just how you feel''. The intention for using it

may be good, but it is not really helpful.

Even if we may be going through (or have gone through) what

seems to us to be a similar experience, we can not ''know''

what someone else is feeling. Our feelings are unique to us

as they are founded on our interpretations and perceptions of

our life experiences.

''There seem to be some questions and quandaries in life

for which in spite of much pondering, no answers can be found.

Though such may be the case, a listening ear and a gently spoken word,

soothes, restores and even sometimes heals... even the greatest wounds.''

(Citizen Z)

''Effective communication is 20% what you know,

and 80% how you feel about what you know.''

(Jim Rohn)

about the image: charcoal on baking paper, some editing in Elements