This is when despair ends; Now This is when hope begins; Now

There may be things in life that we can afford

to lose,

but faith, hope and trust are not such things.

(Citizen Z)

 

-What's the point? We are not going to get any answers, my son says.

He is right of course, unless....unless a miracle takes place.

But I need to say something comforting, uplifting, encouraging,

because that's what parents do. 

As my son is getting out of the car at the hospital entrance

I tell him: ''I will have hope for the both of us.''

Without looking back he disappears into the hospital.

I park the car, grab a bottle of water and then head for

the elevators. 

Though I feel as if I have entered a maze, I eventually find 

my son sitting in a chair at the orthopedic specialist's reception.

A mere shadow of himself, skinny, gaunt and encircled with an

almost visible cloud of despair and sadness.

My job as a parent is to never, ever, give up on my son.

To never lose faith, hope and trust.

I sit down next to him and start flicking through a

magazine. 

I need to say something positive, something

uplifting, my mind tells me but experience has taught

me that saying stuff like that usually only tend to make

my son angry, so, I say nothing.

A few minutes later the orthopedic specialist does a little

prodding and questioning  and then eventually says ''sorry, I

really wish I could help, but whatever ails you is outside my

scope''.

In silence we walk back to the car. Each of us dealing

internally with yet another disappointment.

Only when we are in the car on the way home my son

finally speaks and says: I told you this was gonna happen.

I have no hope left.

I know I have to say something so I tell him that I still

have hope and will not give up.

Giving up is not an option for me.

As we pull up at home our cat Lovecraft is waiting

at the front door. 

My son feeds the cat, I turn on the kettle and make myself 

a cup of coffee.

Yet another fruitless excursion is over.

Sipping my coffee and thinking about how many times

we have ventured out to numerous appointments and meetings

with doctors, specialists, etc. etc. nursing waning tingles of

hope and faith only to have them crushed, I can't help

but wonder......where is that light at the end of the tunnel?

And yet.....

maybe.....?

Hope, although it may at times feel as if it is about to desert us,

is still always available to us.

Hope, as far as I can ascertain is a choice.

Despair says: it's not possible.

Hope says: why not?

Despair says: it's useless.

Hope says: it's not.

Despair says: hope's an illusion.

Hope says: hope's a solution.

Despair says: change is impossible.

Hope says: all things are possible.

Despair says: life is suffering.

Hope says: life is discovering.

Despair says: life is loneliness.

Hope says: life is boundless.

Despair says: hope is wishful thinking.

Hope says: despair is hopelessness thinking.

Despair says: there's no light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope says: there is always light, albeit ever so subtle.

This is when despair ends; Now.

This is when hope begins; Now.

about the image: acrylic on large canvas

Title: ''The burden of faith''

This painting is painted with a cloth only and no brushes

and is part of a series of black and white paintings

with a message.