Standing in front of a large blank canvas can at times
be quite daunting.
Sometimes I have a clear image in mind, and sometimes I
have to wait for my muse to reveal it to me.
When I painted this image I was in a highly experimental
period.
I wanted to throw all caution to the wind and just
paint instinctively. Come what may.
I was not bothered about the outcome, I just wanted to
enjoy the process of slapping paint on a canvas.
The bigger the canvas the greater the sense of freedom.
(Well, in my case anyway. Some folks feel the opposite.)
I started by doing away with brushes. Instead, I grabbed
an old dish cloth.
I dipped it in some red paint and put a few dabs here and there
on the canvas. I waited for it to dry then I covered the
whole canvas with black paint.
When the paint was half dry, I grabbed the now rinsed and
clean cloth and ''rubbed'' out different areas on the canvas
and much to my surprise(!) found a face beneath it.
At this stage of the process the inner ''critic'' comes charging
in to my ''consciousness'' with a bunch of things to say:
''You need to start using a brush now, are you sure that
the proportions are correct, maybe you should cover those
red splotches with white paint, you really need to
start putting in some details, etc. etc.''
I decide to ignore the inner critic.
(Which is quite hard as I am sadly, a perfectionist.)
Holding the dishcloth in my hand I can feel that it has
some hard edges on it. By squeezing the cloth into a
point I can use it to make lines. I start to make some outlines
of the face and to my astonishment it actually looks
like brush strokes.
I also discover that I can create different shades by using
different amounts of water in the cloth.
Not only different shades but also different colours.
(Black, I discover, consists of many colours.)
As I keep working on the image, suddenly there she is....
a drag queen.
But something is missing.
I dip my fingertips in water and start doing squiggles
all down the front.
Done. It's finished.
I still don't know who she is or where she came from,
but she is here now.
(Not long after I finished the painting a friend saw it standing
on the easel and fell in love with it. She bought it.)
Doing this painting taught me a lot of things.
Such as for instance:
Being able to improvise is a very important and useful
skill to have.
Being able to ignore the inner critic at times can open
the mind to new ways of doing things.
Being willing to ''fail'' in the pursuit of an idea can
lead to amazing new discoveries and experiences.
There is no such thing really as ''failing'', only more or
less hoped for outcomes.
The only way to progress and learn new things, discover
new ways of thinking, new perspectives, new ways of
being and doing, is to be willing to change.(Try something different)
Which, for many of us may seem scary and rather difficult.
We like certainty, we like knowing what comes next,
we like being able to plan, we like the expected.
Life however, in my view has a tendency to throw
us ''curve balls'', plot twists, and unexpected turns of events.
Failure.
Such a loaded word. So loaded that many of us
put off trying a lot of things because we are scared
that we may fail and failure, unfortunately, is often associated
with shame.
Shame, uncomfortable as it is, is more than feeling bad(guilty)
about our actions or efforts(regret),when we experience shame
we feel bad about who we are.
Shame affects our sense of self-esteem and well-being.
''Better to not try and risk failure and shame, than to try and
experience both?''
In my opinion, no.
Life and living is a risky business.
It involves us making choices at times with less
hoped for outcomes.
In my view far too much emphasis is attached to the
terms success and failure.
Therefore I have decided to avoid using those words as often as
possible and instead go with an optimal or a
less hoped for outcome(s).
If we allow fearing change and doing new things due
to the fear of a less hoped for outcome,
how would we ever discover new taste sensations,
new strengths in ourselves, new skills, new ways of
coping, new perspectives, new attitudes, or finding new friends?
''Learn to adapt. Things change, circumstances change.
Adjust yourself and your efforts to what is presented
to you so that you can respond accordingly.
Never see change as a threat, because it can be an
opportunity to learn, to grow, evolve and become
a better person.''
(Rodolfo Costa)
''Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.''
(Robert C. Gallagher)
about the image: acrylic on large canvas
Title: The DragQueen
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