I was once asked by a friend to write about pain on my blog.
What kind of pain would you like me to write about? I asked.
The kind that never goes away, she answered.
Knowing that my friend has had to cope with crippling
arthritic and emotional pain for most of her life, I have
to admit that I wasn't quite sure where to start.
What is pain? for instance. A suggestion:
Physical pain: an unpleasant sensory experience associated with
actual (or potential) tissue damage.
Psychological/emotional pain: an unpleasant sensory and mind
experience associated with both a physical and non-physical origin.
Whether the pain is associated with tissue or emotional ''damage'',
pain....... hurts.
How we experience that hurt is different for each of us.
In my view, there are aspects that influence how we experience pain
whether it be physical or psychological, such as
personality, level of pain threshold, attitude, belief-system,
upbringing, social context, etc. etc.
Sadly, psychological/emotional pain is often regarded as less
serious than physical pain.
''What do you mean, heart-ache? The heart is just a pump and unless
you're having a heart attack, it isn't actually hurting''.
''Just get over it, it's all in your head.''
''Mind over matter, that's all it is. Nothing is broken is it?''
For those of us who live with chronic physical pain, more
often than not, we also experience different levels of emotional pain.
It takes a lot of mental energy to cope with chronic pain and
though there are meds for all sorts of chronic illnesses, some
have such awful side-effects that rather than being helpful
they may cause more issues and more ''pain''.
(The Oxy epidemic springs to mind.)
I don't know if it's a universal thing, but in my experience
''society'' often prefers that one hides one's emotional pain
and puts on brave face rather than showing it.
Most of us probably feel quite uncomfortable, for a bunch
of different reasons, in the company of someone in pain.
Many of us want to help in some way so we do what
most of us usually do, we suggest stuff that we think
may help.
Our ''mirror neurons'' kick in.
''Have you tried...? Have you considered...?''
or ''I know what you are going through because when I.....''
We are just trying to be helpful, but here's the thing,
it would probably be experienced as more helpful and supportive
if instead of suggesting things to do for the sufferer, we simply
ask: ''You seem to be in a lot of pain, is there anything
I can do for you?''
''You seem really anxious and down, would you like me to
hang around for a while?''
''You seem really angry and frustrated, would you like
to talk about it?''
For those of us who suffer with both physical and
emotional/psychological chronic pain it can be
tempting to want to withdraw from company,
to isolate ourselves, to seek ''respite'' in pills,
alcohol, or something, anything, that can help distract us
from our pain.
Good news: Distraction works. However, there's no need for
drugs or booze or any other destructive ingredients.
Distraction Technique is a ''tool'' that can be very helpful.
Basically it just entails us putting all our attention
and energy into an activity that redirects our mind away
from our suffering. It actually blocks pain signals before
they reach the brain.
If I am in a lot of pain, I watch something (usually on a big
screen) evocative and absorbing, or listen to some
serious music in head-phones.
If the pain is less intense, I play scrabble or some sort
of numbers game on the computer while listening
to music or having the telly on in the background.
If the pain is just a low hum, I try to do something creative.
The crux is this: distracting oneself from oneself.
Sometimes coping with pain, whatever kind, can be
overwhelming, and on such occasions I have found
it quite helpful to allow myself to rage and wallow
in self-pity, but only for ten minutes or so.
Self-pity can be exhausting methinks.
''You never know how strong you are until being
strong is your only choice.''
(Bob Marley)
about the image: acrylic on large canvas
titled ''Pain"
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