What's so good about caring?.......

Caring.

Why should we care about others?

Are we even able to truly care about others without (though

probably subconsciously) it somehow

being (in some form or another), transactional?

Is there a ''right amount'' of caring for instance?

In order for us to deem something/someone worthy

of our care, is there some sort of ''test'' to be passed?

Are we capable of bypassing any moral and or ethical

judgements and just care regardless?

Or do we care because when we care for others we

feel better about ourselves?

Is ''true'' altruism (=selfless concern for the benefit of others)

 even possible?

At the bottom of every good ''deed'' that we do for

the benefit of someone/something else, can we really

be sure that personal gratification of some form

does not enter into it?

 My so far humble research into this matter tells me that

there is no definitive answer.

A being who experiences itself as a self, is such a being capable

of experiencing anything outside of the self?

What do we mean with caring?

When I began this post I did not realize just how

difficult it is to pinpoint what caring is. For instance:

 It is something one does, it something one experiences on

an emotional level, and often it involves a lot of different feelings

and thoughts.

In my view, it seems caring is a complicated mixture of

social conditioning, personal background/history, ethical

and moral perspective, and functioning belief system.

''Caring is the right thing to do, caring about others

makes us good people, caring for each other is the foundation

of a good society, my folks always told me that

 caring for each other is what a family does, etc. etc.''

For some of us, caring comes easy, for some of us others,

not so much. According to some recent research done

on some students in the US, tests show that students

have been scoring lower and lower on empathy(caring) tests.

In an episode of the Simpsons a teary-eyed Lisa asks her father:

''But dad, why don't you say something?''

Homer: ''Because I just don't care, Lisa.''

For Lisa, not caring is not an option. 

She cares about everything.

Some research say, many of us don't.

But we can change.

Every new day we are given, we are given

 an opportunity to care more deeply,

more passionately, and more sincerely.

''Every act of caring, carries with it its own unique reward.''

(Citizen Z)

''Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world.

For, indeed, that's all who ever have.''

(Margaret Mead)

''Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile,

a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or

the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential

to turn a life around.''

(Leo Buscaglia)

about the image: acrylic on canvas, some photoshop editing

Sometimes we cry, so what? Our tears show we are human.

 

I was once asked by a friend to write about pain on my blog.

What kind of pain would you like me to write about? I asked.

The kind that never goes away, she answered.

Knowing that my friend has had to cope with crippling

arthritic and emotional pain for most of her life, I have

to admit that I wasn't quite sure where to start. 

What is pain? for instance. A suggestion:

Physical pain: an unpleasant sensory experience associated with

actual (or potential) tissue damage.

Psychological/emotional pain: an unpleasant sensory and mind

 experience associated with both a physical and non-physical origin.

Whether the pain is associated with tissue or emotional ''damage'',

pain....... hurts.

How we experience that hurt is different for each of us. 

In my view, there are aspects that influence how we experience pain

whether it be physical or psychological, such as

 personality, level of pain threshold, attitude, belief-system,

upbringing, social context, etc. etc.

Sadly, psychological/emotional pain is often regarded as less

serious than physical pain.

''What do you mean, heart-ache? The heart is just a pump and unless

you're having a heart attack, it isn't actually hurting''.

''Just get over it, it's all in your head.''

''Mind over matter, that's all it is. Nothing is broken is it?''

For those of us who live with chronic physical pain, more

often than not, we also experience different levels of emotional pain.

It takes a lot of mental energy to cope with chronic pain and

though there are meds for all sorts of chronic illnesses, some

have such awful side-effects that rather than being helpful

they may cause more issues and more ''pain''.

(The Oxy epidemic springs to mind.)

I don't know if it's a universal thing, but in my experience

''society'' often prefers that one hides one's emotional pain

and puts on brave face rather than showing it.

Most of us probably feel quite uncomfortable, for a bunch 

of different reasons, in the company of someone in pain.

Many of us want to help in some way so we do what

most of us usually do, we suggest stuff that we think

may help.

Our ''mirror neurons'' kick in.

''Have you tried...? Have you considered...?''

or ''I know what you are going through because when I.....''

We are just trying to be helpful, but here's the thing,

it would probably be experienced as more helpful and supportive

 if instead of suggesting things to do for the sufferer, we simply

ask: ''You seem to be in a lot of pain, is there anything

 I can do for you?''

''You seem really anxious and down, would you like me to

hang around for a while?''

''You seem really angry and frustrated, would you like

to talk about it?''

For those of us who suffer with both physical and

 emotional/psychological chronic pain it can be

tempting to want to withdraw from company,

to isolate ourselves, to seek ''respite'' in pills,

alcohol, or something, anything, that can help distract us 

from our pain.

Good news: Distraction works. However, there's no need for

drugs or booze or any other destructive ingredients.

Distraction Technique is a ''tool'' that can be very helpful.

Basically it just entails us putting all our attention

and energy into an activity that redirects our mind away

from our suffering. It actually blocks pain signals before

they reach the brain.

If I am in a lot of pain, I watch something (usually on a big

screen) evocative and absorbing, or listen to some

serious music in head-phones.

If the pain is less intense, I play scrabble or some sort

of numbers game on the computer while listening

to music or having the telly on in the background.

If the pain is just a low hum, I try to do something creative.

The crux is this: distracting oneself from oneself.

Sometimes coping with pain, whatever kind, can be 

overwhelming, and on such occasions I have found

it quite helpful to allow myself to rage and wallow

in self-pity, but only for ten minutes or so.

Self-pity can be exhausting methinks.

''You never know how strong you are until being

strong is your only choice.''

(Bob Marley)

about the image: acrylic on large canvas

titled ''Pain"

What is your inner self telling you about you?

The above image is a visual representation of a place that

I go to when my mind refuses to stop it's ''chattering''.

Apparently ''thought-chattering'' is something that afflicts the 

human species.

Ever gone to bed, turned out the light, pulled up the covers

and closed your eyes only to find your mind invaded by a

flurry of thoughts making sleep impossible?

Those in the know reckons that whenever we aren't busy 

doing things the thought-chatter starts up.

Well, supposedly it's always there, it's just that we don't really

notice it when we are engaged in some kind of activity.

Commonly, thought-chatter is often more of the ''negative'' rather than

the ''positive'' kind. 

We may find our thoughts rummaging through the past and picking

out things we regret doing or saying rather than those we are proud or

happy with.

Or we may find our mind pre-occupied with worrying thoughts 

about the future.

Some call this thought-chattering, ''self-talk''.

I first came across the term ''self-talk'' years ago and I have

to say that learning how to recognize my own self-talk has proved

very helpful. 

Basically, self-talk is our own internal dialogue. It is what

we tell ourselves about ourselves and the language we use to do so.

For instance: ''Don't be an idiot! Just go along with it.''

''Don't ask any questions. They will think you're stupid.''

''I'm too soft, I should be stronger.''

''I'll never be able to do that.''

or

''Just do it! You can do it!''

''Just have a go. Trying is worth it.''

''I can do anything when I put my mind to it.''

You know that voice inside of you that keeps commenting

on everything you do and say? that's the voice of your self-talk.

(There are other words for it: inner voice, gut instinct, wise mind,

inner guide, etc. etc.)

I have to admit that when I first read about ''self-talking'' I wasn't sure

of how to hear it, or should I say, notice it.

So, I decided to try and discover if I had an inner dialogue running

in my mind. 

This necessitated stillness and paying attention to my thoughts.

So I did.

What I discovered was that the self-talking never seemed to stop.

I also discovered that since it was my self speaking to me, I 

would be able to choose what the self was saying.

Basically, I decided to change the script of some of the self-talk

running in my mind because I'd found that thoughts pretty

much determines how I feel rather than the other way around.

Here are some examples of my new scripts:

It's okay to change one's mind. 

Failure does not exist, only less hoped for outcomes.

Being passionate and enthusiastic is an asset.

Being sensitive and compassionate is an asset.

Being willing to try something new is an asset.

Self reflection is helpful in gaining insight and wisdom.

Thinking about things one gains a deeper understanding.

It may seem simplistic, but, by changing our critical/negative inner

voice for a more supportive/positive one, how we feel about ourselves

and others, will change.

''Choose the words you say to yourself wisely;

they are creating your reality.''

(Sean Stephenson)

about the image: ink and acrylic on paper, edited in photoshop