Although there may not be a lot us humans have in common
with hedgehogs, we do have one major thing in common: spikes(quills)
that we use to protect ourselves with when we feel threatened,
scared or insecure.
Unfortunately, our ''spikes'' are usually not as visible as those of a
hedgehog.
Take words for instance, words in my view can be as sharp and as lethal
as a surgeon's knife.
With a mere tone of voice, a certain inflection, benign words
can become ''weaponized''.
Sometimes this may perhaps happen unintentionally, other times perhaps
it's more of a ''knee-jerk'' response to a perceived threat, slight, or
put-down. Regardless, the result often ends up the same: we hurt each other.
As a kid, I was mercilessly bullied for years. Mostly the bullies
used words, but every now and then they would forgo language
and just use their fists. Already a shy and introverted kid,
I adopted the ''hedgehog defense''. (Roll up in a ball and
protect the soft parts and eventually they will get bored and walk away.)
Why didn't I fight back? you may ask. Believe me, I have asked
myself that question many times and it wasn't until years later that
I found a probable answer.
I just didn't want to hurt anyone.
Hurting someone else just because they had hurt me just didn't
seem a good enough reason for me to be hurtful back.
Knowing how painful words could be, why would I want to
inflict that kind of pain on someone else?
Retaliation, an eye for an eye, just makes us all blind.
Eventually, we would all end up just stumbling about
and what would be the point of that?
So I've made a decision to never use my brain to come up with
things to say or do for the sole purpose of hurting someone.
(Although there has been many times when I have been tempted
to ignore that decision, so far ....... I have not.)
Hurt people, hurt people.
(The thing with putting one's ''spikes on'' is that
although the spikes may protect us, they also prevent
us from being able to get close to others.)
As far as I can ascertain, many of us find it far easier
to get angry (or irritated) with someone than to tell that someone that
he or she hurt us. To shrug our shoulders and say ''Nothing!''
if asked ''Are you okay?''. To fake a smile and say ''No, I'm right,
I don't need any help'' when asked if we need a hand.
To respond with a sarcastic rather than truthful response when
asked ''Is something wrong? or ''Would you like to talk about it?''
Have you ever been told: ''Oh, don't be so sensitive, can't you
take a joke?!!'' or ''You're way too emotional!''
I have, many times. I view it as a form of gaslighting. A shifty way of putting
someone down under the guise of being something else.
My answer to: ''Oh, don't be so sensitive, can't you take a joke?!!''
and ''You're way too emotional!'' is:
''Okay, well, why don't you just tell me the right amount of sensitivity/
(emotion) I am supposed to feel then?''
I once challenged a friend who had a habit of being sarcastic
to go a week without being sarcastic anyone.
''What do you mean, it's just a bit of fun,'' he said.
''Do the people you are sarcastic to usually view it as funny? I asked.
''Well, that's not my problem,'' he answered.
He turned down my challenge.
In my view, sarcasm and gaslighting is a form of passive-aggressive behaviour.
Rather than being witty or funny, it's usually hurtful.
There may be times when we feel it necessary to bristle our spikes.(Quills)
Times when we feel threatened, scared and the need to protect ourselves.
But once the threat is gone, we do need to remember to pull them back in
again and not leave them ''bristled'' permanently.
about the image: ink and candle wax on paper.
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