How do we know that we really know someone?

''I wish that for once he would actually hear me. 

Let his guard down, silence his inner critic, and

just listen. 

I would love it if for once in my life

 I was able to really get to

know him, him, not as my father,

but as a fellow human being.''

The young man lets out a sigh, starts his car, throws a quick 

glance in the rear-vision mirror, then begins his

long journey home.

What do we mean when we say that we know somebody?

At what point does it change from knowing things about

somebody to knowing somebody?

As far as I can ascertain, we can know a lot of things about

a lot of people without being able to say that we know them.

Such as:

 Knowing where and when they were born, what their

educational background is, what kind of food or music

they like, etc.etc.etc.
This kind of information may help us to form a basic

understanding of who we think someone may be,

but, without a personal connection or interaction

with that someone,
is it really possible for us to say

that we truly know that someone?

If we want to move from ''knowing about'' someone

to really ''knowing'' someone,
often this necessitates an accumulation 

of shared experiences.

However, shared experiences whether physical

and or emotional in nature, do not necessarily guarantee

that a deeper bond(knowing) will be forged, but potentially, it is

fertile soil in which a personal and deep connection

can spring forth and flourish.

If we really want to know someone, I believe that

we need to forfeit our own assumptions, 

wishes, and illusions about that someone

and instead focus our attention on what is 

actually presented to us.

Come to think of it, how many of us can say 

with certainty that we even know ourselves?

In my younger and more confusing days, many of us
were familiar with the term: ''He/she's left to
go and find him/herself.''
Folks would travel the world, sail the seven seas,
live like hermits in for-ever-reaching deep forests,
brave deserts, drink peyote tea, sweat with shamans,
whirl with the whirling dervishes, hum with
Buddhist monks, submit to silence in abbeys,
and this they would do in order to try to know
the core of who they are.
Often, after long journeys, whether inward or outward,
many of us would discover that to get to know
who we were, we didn't need to travel.
What was needed was to learn how to be still
and sensitive enough to hear our own inner voices.

Getting to know someone, in my view involves
us being willing to let our guard down, to share
intimate parts of ourselves as well as being
sensitive and open-minded toward others when
 or if, they choose to share intimate parts of themselves
with us.
For some of us, to open up and share things
about ourselves which we consider to be
very private, can be quite challenging.
Scary even. But why?
Vulnerability.
Being ''open'', we run the risk of being
hurt. The person we open up to may not
reciprocate, at worst, he/she may make fun
of what we just told him/her.
This happens. It has happened to me many times.
But, if we all clam up because we are afraid of
getting hurt, how can we ever establish friendships,
or any other kind of meaningful relationships?
''Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots
with it. The new goodness that is coming to you
in the form of people, situations, and things
can only come when you are vulnerable,
that is: open.'' (Stephen Russell)

''With the world as with people, you know only

the tiny percentage you pay close attention to.''

(Steve Touthonghi)

about the image: acrylic on canvas, altered in Photoshop