How do we know that we really know someone?

''I wish that for once he would actually hear me. 

Let his guard down, silence his inner critic, and

just listen. 

I would love it if for once in my life

 I was able to really get to

know him, him, not as my father,

but as a fellow human being.''

The young man lets out a sigh, starts his car, throws a quick 

glance in the rear-vision mirror, then begins his

long journey home.

What do we mean when we say that we know somebody?

At what point does it change from knowing things about

somebody to knowing somebody?

As far as I can ascertain, we can know a lot of things about

a lot of people without being able to say that we know them.

Such as:

 Knowing where and when they were born, what their

educational background is, what kind of food or music

they like, etc.etc.etc.
This kind of information may help us to form a basic

understanding of who we think someone may be,

but, without a personal connection or interaction

with that someone,
is it really possible for us to say

that we truly know that someone?

If we want to move from ''knowing about'' someone

to really ''knowing'' someone,
often this necessitates an accumulation 

of shared experiences.

However, shared experiences whether physical

and or emotional in nature, do not necessarily guarantee

that a deeper bond(knowing) will be forged, but potentially, it is

fertile soil in which a personal and deep connection

can spring forth and flourish.

If we really want to know someone, I believe that

we need to forfeit our own assumptions, 

wishes, and illusions about that someone

and instead focus our attention on what is 

actually presented to us.

Come to think of it, how many of us can say 

with certainty that we even know ourselves?

In my younger and more confusing days, many of us
were familiar with the term: ''He/she's left to
go and find him/herself.''
Folks would travel the world, sail the seven seas,
live like hermits in for-ever-reaching deep forests,
brave deserts, drink peyote tea, sweat with shamans,
whirl with the whirling dervishes, hum with
Buddhist monks, submit to silence in abbeys,
and this they would do in order to try to know
the core of who they are.
Often, after long journeys, whether inward or outward,
many of us would discover that to get to know
who we were, we didn't need to travel.
What was needed was to learn how to be still
and sensitive enough to hear our own inner voices.

Getting to know someone, in my view involves
us being willing to let our guard down, to share
intimate parts of ourselves as well as being
sensitive and open-minded toward others when
 or if, they choose to share intimate parts of themselves
with us.
For some of us, to open up and share things
about ourselves which we consider to be
very private, can be quite challenging.
Scary even. But why?
Vulnerability.
Being ''open'', we run the risk of being
hurt. The person we open up to may not
reciprocate, at worst, he/she may make fun
of what we just told him/her.
This happens. It has happened to me many times.
But, if we all clam up because we are afraid of
getting hurt, how can we ever establish friendships,
or any other kind of meaningful relationships?
''Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots
with it. The new goodness that is coming to you
in the form of people, situations, and things
can only come when you are vulnerable,
that is: open.'' (Stephen Russell)

''With the world as with people, you know only

the tiny percentage you pay close attention to.''

(Steve Touthonghi)

about the image: acrylic on canvas, altered in Photoshop

Who is the bogeyman? Facing the ''Shadow''......

The bogeyman.

Exactly who he is and where he comes from seem to

be somewhat mysterious.

But, as far as I can ascertain, he is scary.

Perhaps what makes him so scary is that no one seems to

really know what he looks like, where he comes from and what

he will do to us if he catches us.

Whatever he is and wherever he comes from, folklore tells us

to get as far away as possible from him.

The Scientific American suggests that the bogeyman can be viewed

 as a metaphor for something that to us represents fear, anxiety and danger.

Although known by other names such as: Krampus, jumbie, bhoot,

Baba Yaga, etc., variations of the bogeyman can be found
in many cultures.
Regardless under what name the bogeyman is known,

often he is used as a tool for keeping children in line, for

making them follow ''the rules'',
(whatever they may be according to cultural

ideals).

Although the bogeyman is a folklore, there seem to me to be 

a number of ''bogeymen'' hiding behind quite ordinary looking

facades.(Appearances)

Pleasant and polite at work>>>a tyrant at home

 Loyal and committed in words>>>devious and sneaky in action

Jovial when sober>>>violent when drunk

Loving husband/wife/partner before others eyes>>>

an abuser behind closed doors,

just to give a few examples.

Perhaps the potential for becoming a ''bogeyman'' is possible

for most of us human beings given certain circumstances?

War, for instance, in my view, seem to qualify as such a circumstance.
Atrocities are often carried out under the banner of
fighting the enemy, protecting one's country,
serving one's country, doing one's duty,
etc.etc.
Those in the know say that when we are faced with highly
stressful and threatening circumstances, how we
 respond during such times often affect our behaviour.
At times even to a degree that we respond in ways
that during normal circumstances we would classify as
un-acceptable.
When at war, peace-time values, ethics and morals are reevaluated.
A soldier is sanctioned to murder the enemy, although it is
no longer called murder, it's called killing.
A man/woman who kills 20 people in peace-time
 is called a mass-murderer, a soldier who kills 20 people
in combat is often called a ''hero''.
Whenever there is a war of any kind, it seems to me that
this is when seemingly ordinary folks can turn into bogeymen.
Which is a worry, because when the war is over, where do
they all disappear to?

Perhaps the Bogeyman is what Carl Jung calls the Shadow?
According to Jung the shadow represents the dark side
of our personality that our consciousness doesn't want
to acknowledge.
''Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in
the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser
it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag,
thwarting our most well-meant intentions.''
(Carl Jung)

Okay, if Jung is right, what can be done about
 the shadow(bogeyman within)?
A few suggestions:
Identify your shadow and what triggers it.
When it is triggered, what are your feelings?
Investigate those feelings compassionately.
Try not to confront the shadow, rather, try to
understand it.

''Name the fears that are holding you back.
It's the equivalent of flooding the bogeyman
with light.''
(Gina Greenlee)

about the image: graphite on paper, border made in pxlr

Things are not always what they seem..................

The black cab glides through the deserted city streets.

Reflections from the traffic lights intermittently cover the

rain soaked streets with a multitude of colours.

In the backseat of the cab, a silent, serious looking young man.

Every now and then the cab driver casts a furtive glance

in the rear-view mirror to check on his passenger.

He decides to try and strike up a conversation.

''Aren't you a bit young to be travelling all alone at 

this time of the night?''.

No answer.

''If I was out and about at this time of the night at your age, 

my folks would've had my hide'' the cab driver tries again.

Still no answer.

The cab driver decides to put on the radio.

''Do you like music? I like the swing bands, they really get

me going, you know, The Duke, Goodman, Basie and those cats.''

''Oh, good, the lights turned red, now I can find a good station.''

The cab stops at the lights and the cab driver fiddles with

the knobs on the radio until Benny Goodman's ''Sing, Sing, Sing''

fills the silence.

Still nothing from the passenger in the backseat.

''I tell ya, Goodman really knows how to play that clarinet, don't you think?''

The cab driver throws another glance in the rear-view mirror.

''Sheesh, that's one strange youngster, so damned serious,''

 he mutters under his breath.

Before he had left home for his night-shift, his wife had told him

to not talk too much to his passengers, but, he likes

talking to people, it makes the time pass quicker.

He throws a glance at the meter; 20 dollars.

''You sure you've got the money to pay for this ride? he asks 

his young passenger.

His eyes meets his passenger's eyes in the rear-view mirror.

''Yikes, okay, okay, I get it, you've got the money.''

''Hey, no offense, just making sure, is all."

Lorna is right, I should just zip it, he thinks to himself.

We are almost there now anyway.

Fillmore 2547, East Upper side. Two blocks away.

A few minutes later he pulls up at the Fillmore.

He turns off the meter, turns to face his passenger and then says:

 ''That will be $27.50.''

The passenger hands him a fifty dollar bill, waves his hand as

to indicate that he doesn't want the change, then exits the cab.

As the cab driver slips the bill into his wallet, he throws a quick glance

through the side window of the cab and sees the young

man holding something shiny in his right hand.

Only after the doors to the Fillmore Hotel has closed behind 

the young man, does he realize what the shiny thing is.

    A gun.

about the image: graphite on cardboard with a filter added

Finding beauty.........

Beauty.

What is beauty to you?

A glistening blue ocean, a magical sunset, a pristine forest,

a star lit evening sky, a special piece of music, a ballerina

doing the pas de deau, your child's smile, an elegant equation,

etc.etc.

When we experience something we deem beauty, something

seems to happen to us.

And often, though not always, that ''something'' is an

instinctual emotional response.

Tears may well up in our eyes, our hearts may beat a little

faster, a sense of lightness may flow through our bodies,

we may suddenly feel like dancing, singing, crying, laughing,

etc.etc.

Beauty, it seems, has an ability to bypass our cognition

and lodge itself somewhere inside of us out

of reach from our consciousness.

''His/her/its beauty made me catch my breath, the beauty with which

 they danced across the stage left me breathless,

the beauty of the way the eagle soared across the midnight sky brought

tears to my eyes, the beauty of the opening chord to Tristan and Isolde

pierced my soul, etc.etc.'' 

(just some examples, there are more of course)

Is the ability to appreciate beauty(whatever we may deem to be beauty)

 something we are all born with, or is it something we learn to do?

If we are all born with the ability to appreciate beauty, can that

ability be squashed if it isn't encouraged?

Children, it seems to me, often have their own take on what constitutes ''beauty''.

For a child, a worm, a ferret, a snake, a caterpillar, a ladybug, 

a blowfly, a dandelion, a muddy puddle, a dog with three legs,

etc.etc. can all be things of beauty.

''Mommy, look at me, I look beautiful!'' says the little girl

dressed in black and white spotted gum boots, a purple tutu,

red and white striped tights, a pink and silver coloured

t-shirt, and ruby red lipstick smeared all over her face.

''Daddy, look what I found! I found this beautiful lizard in the garden,

isn't he beautiful, Daddy?'' says the little boy as he holds

up a water dragon for his father to see.

Though I don't know this for sure and have not been able to find

any information to substantiate the validity of this thought, I think that

a child far easier finds beauty in the world around them

then us adults. I have a sneaky feeling that as the years pass, we

become less able(or perhaps willing) to spot beauty in the midst

of our day to day lives.

(Not to mention that these days, the ''ugly'' things us humans 

do to each other and our planet is plastered before our

eyes 24/7 on some screen somewhere.)

The good news is that with very little effort

 we can once again find beauty.

All it takes is for us to take the time to 

look for it without prejudice.

For me, really understanding the words: ''wherever you are, be there''

has helped me to keep a look out for ''beauty'' even in the most

dire of situations.

 Perhaps those words may come in handy for you as well?

I hope so.

Life is full of beauty. Take the time to notice it.

about the painting: It's called ''Glimpses of Beauty''...acrylic on canvas