He turned his back to his father.
His father's hurtful words had once again managed to
silence him and he hated himself for it.
Somehow he just couldn't bring himself to respond
in kind, it just wasn't him. Experience had taught him that
some words can be radio-active; highly damaging and hard to get rid of
once spoken; and such pain he was not willing to inflict on anyone.
When someone says something to us that hurt our feelings
often our knee-jerk reaction is to want to say something hurtful back.
''Oh, yeah, and what about your........##%!!!''
(In my experience however, often responding in kind achieves little
although at first it may feel gratifying to make a smart-ass comment back.)
Probably a less common response is: "What you just said to me was hurtful,
was that your intention, and if so, why?''
It seems to me that in today's society there is a perception that
kindness is a sign of weakness, of emotional fragility, and that to
respond to aggressive behaviour with kindness is to be ''soft''.
I once asked a ''troll'' in a chat room why he/she would spend hours upon
hours in chat rooms just being aggressive, hostile, rude,
and downright mean, to which he/she responded: ''Because it's fun''.
''What's fun about saying hurtful things to people you don't even know?'' I asked.
''Don't be so soft, it's just words, besides, they should toughen
up and not be so sensitive. It's not my fault they are such losers'',
he/she answered and then left the chat room.
(I can't help but wonder what's so tough about being mean to others
while hiding behind anonymity.........)
Thing about words though, is that they are seldom without ''charge''. (+ or -)
Have you ever had the experience of saying something to someone
which in your view is totally innocuous only for the person to
respond in a very unexpected way? Me too. Lots of times.
Words are charged with our own definitions and interpretations so
it's easy for misunderstandings to take place.
Ex: A: ''Do you want me to give you a hand?''
B: ''Why? You think I can't handle it on my own?''
A: ''Not at all, I just thought two hands could make the job go faster.''
Some words in my view are more than charged, they are radioactive.
With that I mean that they can be very damaging and hard to forget.
Words such as: Loser, pathetic, weak, dumb, useless, waste of space,
mental, stupid, retarded, ugly, etc.etc. to mention a few.
Not only are the words radioactive, commonly accompanying the words
are the way in which they were said. (Loudly, irritably, angrily, etc.etc)
You're dumb!!! You're useless!!! You're a loser!!!
Walking home from the bus stop the other day, a man yelled out to
my son ''F-ing loser!!!'' a he passed my son in his car.
Unfortunately, my son, who was mercilessly bullied for a
number of years in school and still deals every day with the
radioactive fall-out those years caused him,
took those words to heart.
I had to remind him that the person yelling those words
does not know him from a ''bar of soap'', so he need not
take them to heart.
I also reminded him of how much
easier it is to spew radioactive words in a speeding car
than face to face, as it is to do so in a text, in a chat room, in a letter, or
on one of the many different platforms on which one can remain anonymous.
I have noticed that in many TV-shows nowadays, it's getting harder and
harder to distinguish the hero's from the villains.
Often kindness is portrayed as weakness, callousness as toughness,
moral ambiguity as being shrewd, and sarcasm as quick-wittedness.
In today's world Superman would not make it methinks,
I fear he would be viewed as a ''sissy''.
But, being an optimist I still believe it's possible to be
kind and strong, kind and direct, kind and tough, kind
and quick-witted.
No radioactive words needed.
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