Feeling lonely........

''No one is an island'' so the saying goes and commonly those words are interpreted as in meaning us humans don't do so good on our own.

If it was possible to weigh words (physical weight), then regardless of what language we may be speaking, I believe that there are some words that many of us experience as ''heavier'' than others.

Such as: death, loss(of anything we treasure), fear, illness, rejection, uncertainty, etc.etc. but I believe that perhaps the ''heaviest'' and on top of the list of ''heavy'' words may be loneliness.

Loneliness, without attaching emotions to it, can perhaps be defined as the lack of a meaningful connection with others.

In my view, there is often a lot of stigma attached to loneliness and often we rather use other words to describe how we feel rather than using the word lonely.

''I feel left out, I feel misunderstood, people don't seem to get me, I am a shy person, I prefer to observe rather than interact, etc.etc.'' Coming right out with it and saying ''I feel lonely'' can be scary because we often fear that doing so we will be judged, judged as weird, difficult, strange, and or as losers. (Sadly, that is often the case....Confessing that we feel lonely, commonly we will be judged, and although loneliness is not contagious, more often than not, sharing openly and honestly that we feel lonely tend to push people away rather than draw them closer.)

Although feeling lonely or left out is an experience I believe we all go through at some time or another in our lives, most of us probably prefer to label it something else and push it down into the darkest crevasses of our consciousness.

It may seem logical to conclude that if one has many friends, a family and a busy social life both in ''real life'' and on cyberspace, one would never feel lonely. Alas, those in the know say that it is not the number of connections we have that matters, rather, it is the quality (how meaningful) of the connections we have with others that matter. (Some of us may feel lonely in a crowd, and ''crowded'' when we are alone.)

Some say that each of us has a genetically set need for social inclusion, but how high or low that need is, varies from person to person. At this point one may be tempted to ask: ''Well, but surely there is a ''normal'' level of need for social inclusion?'' (I personally do not believe in ''normal'', I find that the term often cause more harm than benefit, so I will go with ''average'' instead.

Perhaps there is an average level of need for social inclusion, but how would one ascertain such?)

Depending on circumstances, our need for social interaction/inclusion may increase or decrease.

Sometimes we may seek solitude and few social interactions because rather than feeling lonely while we are spending time on our own, we need the solitude in order to consolidate and make sense out of our emotions. Yet, at other times we may seek to increase our level of social interaction in order to broaden our horizons and expand our circle of friends and acquaintances.

Belonging, according to Abraham Maslow, is a need all humans share, but just how much belonging we need, varies. If we feel that our ''belonging need'' is not being met, we commonly call that ''feeling lonely''. 

In my view, feeling lonely is not synonymous with being a loser, a weirdo, or some other pejorative term, rather, it is our inner selves warning us to not stray too far from the herd and so become easy prey for callous predators.

Some suggestions that may be helpful if you feel lonely and want to change that:

You are not alone in feeling lonely at times, we all do. It comes with being a human.

Feeling lonely, is just that, a feeling, and feelings can be changed.

Find someone to talk to about it. Preferably someone you trust.

Try to stay away from chastising yourself for things in the past,

past hurts, past mistakes, that was then, this is now.

Wherever you are, be there, be present in the now

and notice others.

Extend some kindness, to others and yourself.

''You are not a drop in the ocean.

You are the entire ocean in a drop.''

(Rumi)

''The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.''

(Michel de Montaigne)