Now and then, try a road less traveled.........

The boy opens his umbrella, and as the umbrella shelters him from the rain and the wind he feels safe enough to start walking. This is not a road he knows, but it is the road he knows he must travel in order to find what he is searching for.

On his way home a man notices another man crawling on the the ground under a streetlight. 

''What are you doing?'' he asks the man on the ground.

The man on the ground stops what he is doing, looks up at the man asking the question and answers:

''I'm looking for my house keys.''

''Let me help you'' says the first man as he bends down and begins to also search the ground for the keys.

Twenty minutes later and unsuccessful in finding any keys, the first man asks the man on the ground searching for his keys: ''Are you sure this is where you dropped your keys?''

''Nah,'' he says, ''but this is where the light is.''

Many of us have times in our lives when we feel as if we are searching for something, although exactly what that thing is, we don't know.

Often when we are beset by that gnawing feeling of that something is missing, we try to placate that feeling by trying different things. 

''I need to socialise more, I need to have more fun, I need to get a better job, I need more money, I need more friends, I need a bigger boat, a bigger house, etc.etc.''

Bombarded as we are by media, it can be easy to believe that for whatever ails us, the solution is good looks, fame and money. Good looks and money can certainly make life a bit easier at times, but neither looks or money can guarantee that we will not have moments of feeling lost, or that there is not something missing somehow. 

Regardless of our status, are human beings born with a need for knowing and understanding why we have life and what we are supposed to do with it?

This search for the meaning of life, (some call it the ''Human Condition'') does it have an answer, or is the answer the searching for it?

Have you ever had the experience when you feel that you are hungry, but you're not exactly sure what it is you are hungry for? If not, then in my case it goes something like this: ''Hmmm, I feel a bit hungry, but I'm not really sure of for what.'' I go to the fridge, open the door, and scan the content. Pull out one thing after the other, but nothing seems right. I close the fridge door and open the pantry door. Same thing, none of it seems right. I still feel hungry, I just don't know what I am hungry for so I grab some peanuts just because it's easy, and I do like them most of the time.''

If we are constantly feeling sorta ''hungry'', like there is something missing, and at the same time we are being bombarded with information telling us that what we need to do in order get rid of that uncomfortable feeling is lift that, tuck that, grow that, drink that, snort that, buy that, eat that, look like that, I don't think it strange if at times we feel confused and unsatisfied.

''Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how', writes Victor Frankl in his book ''Man's search for Meaning''.

Many of us may feel that we are too busy just living to have the time to delve deeply into the 'why' so when that niggling and persistent thought raises its head, we often tend to try to get rid of it one way or another.

(Life however can be very unpredictable and it is quite possible that we may suddenly come face to face with circumstances in which being able to answer the 'why' is what will keep us alive.)

If you, like many of us, at times feel like you are searching for something that you don't even have a word for, try a few steps down the less traveled roads, do not fear the unknown, because once upon a time all we now know, was unknown.

Feeling lonely........

''No one is an island'' so the saying goes and commonly those words are interpreted as in meaning us humans don't do so good on our own.

If it was possible to weigh words (physical weight), then regardless of what language we may be speaking, I believe that there are some words that many of us experience as ''heavier'' than others.

Such as: death, loss(of anything we treasure), fear, illness, rejection, uncertainty, etc.etc. but I believe that perhaps the ''heaviest'' and on top of the list of ''heavy'' words may be loneliness.

Loneliness, without attaching emotions to it, can perhaps be defined as the lack of a meaningful connection with others.

In my view, there is often a lot of stigma attached to loneliness and often we rather use other words to describe how we feel rather than using the word lonely.

''I feel left out, I feel misunderstood, people don't seem to get me, I am a shy person, I prefer to observe rather than interact, etc.etc.'' Coming right out with it and saying ''I feel lonely'' can be scary because we often fear that doing so we will be judged, judged as weird, difficult, strange, and or as losers. (Sadly, that is often the case....Confessing that we feel lonely, commonly we will be judged, and although loneliness is not contagious, more often than not, sharing openly and honestly that we feel lonely tend to push people away rather than draw them closer.)

Although feeling lonely or left out is an experience I believe we all go through at some time or another in our lives, most of us probably prefer to label it something else and push it down into the darkest crevasses of our consciousness.

It may seem logical to conclude that if one has many friends, a family and a busy social life both in ''real life'' and on cyberspace, one would never feel lonely. Alas, those in the know say that it is not the number of connections we have that matters, rather, it is the quality (how meaningful) of the connections we have with others that matter. (Some of us may feel lonely in a crowd, and ''crowded'' when we are alone.)

Some say that each of us has a genetically set need for social inclusion, but how high or low that need is, varies from person to person. At this point one may be tempted to ask: ''Well, but surely there is a ''normal'' level of need for social inclusion?'' (I personally do not believe in ''normal'', I find that the term often cause more harm than benefit, so I will go with ''average'' instead.

Perhaps there is an average level of need for social inclusion, but how would one ascertain such?)

Depending on circumstances, our need for social interaction/inclusion may increase or decrease.

Sometimes we may seek solitude and few social interactions because rather than feeling lonely while we are spending time on our own, we need the solitude in order to consolidate and make sense out of our emotions. Yet, at other times we may seek to increase our level of social interaction in order to broaden our horizons and expand our circle of friends and acquaintances.

Belonging, according to Abraham Maslow, is a need all humans share, but just how much belonging we need, varies. If we feel that our ''belonging need'' is not being met, we commonly call that ''feeling lonely''. 

In my view, feeling lonely is not synonymous with being a loser, a weirdo, or some other pejorative term, rather, it is our inner selves warning us to not stray too far from the herd and so become easy prey for callous predators.

Some suggestions that may be helpful if you feel lonely and want to change that:

You are not alone in feeling lonely at times, we all do. It comes with being a human.

Feeling lonely, is just that, a feeling, and feelings can be changed.

Find someone to talk to about it. Preferably someone you trust.

Try to stay away from chastising yourself for things in the past,

past hurts, past mistakes, that was then, this is now.

Wherever you are, be there, be present in the now

and notice others.

Extend some kindness, to others and yourself.

''You are not a drop in the ocean.

You are the entire ocean in a drop.''

(Rumi)

''The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.''

(Michel de Montaigne)

Home....what does that mean to you?

Michael Buble sings in a song: "I wanna go home, just let me go home...''

For some of us, we know exactly what we mean with home and where it is.  Some of us may even say ''Home is where I lay my head down'', or  ''Home is where my heart is'', or ''My home is in my heart''.

Home has many different meanings: a particular place (among many), a place where one resides permanently, the place where one grew up, a place where one can relax and be one self, a place where one feels safe, a familiar and comfortable place, etc.etc.

(There are some of us who are perhaps still looking for ''home'', some of us who grew up in places that were chaotic, scary, dangerous, and void of love, affection and comfort.)

When I was 16 years old and experienced what I now know must have been a panic attack, I received a glimpse of understanding into that although home is a place, it is also ''metaphysical'' place.

It was no longer enough for me to just be at home in order to feel safe and relaxed, somehow I had to find a way to create a safe space inside of me (as in an emotional/metaphysical space) regardless of where I was or who I was with.

Closing my eyes, I can still see myself sitting on my bed, feeling shaky, lost, confused, and wondering how one goes about the task of creating a ''home'' that exists only internally, in an invisible haystack called emotions.

(Without going in to details, the home in which I grew up in was not void of turbulence, emotional upheavals or crisis's, neither was my childhood a particularly easy one, but I did feel safe in my home.)

Some say that it is in our nature to seek a place where we belong, where we feel safe and secure, a place where we can close the door and shut out the rest of the world and all its worries.

Some say that home is not really a place, home is people, people who love you and accept you warts and all.

Some say that home is not a place, nor a person or persons, it's a feeling.

Alain de Botton has this to say: ''We need a home in the psychological sense as much as we need one in the physical: to compensate for a vulnerability. We need a refuge to shore up our states of mind, because so much of the world is opposed to our allegiances. We need our rooms to align us with desirable versions of ourselves and to keep alive the important, evanescent sides of us.''

Regardless of whether we live under a bridge or a cardboard box, or any kind of temporary housing arrangement, many of us often find that we seem to carry with us a ''nesting'' tendency.

(Even if what we have is only a cardboard box, a sleeping bag and a few other bits and pieces, many of us will try to make a ''nest'' with those few items, or something although very rudimentary,...feels to us as ''home''.)

During a particularly difficult time in my life, my ''nest'' consisted of a mattress under a dining table in a friends apartment and my wardrobe that of plastic bags hidden behind a door. Spartan as it was, after a few days, it did feel like home to me.

I have lost count of how many times I have shifted from one ''nest'' to another and I am not really sure of exactly when the phrase ''My home is in my heart'' popped up, what I do know however, is that that phrase has helped me to find a space within me that I call home regardless of my exterior circumstances.

(Perhaps, should you need it, it may help you too?)

Holding a hot cup of coffee in his hands, he smiled his winning smile and nodded his head in my direction. I walked up to him and said: Theo, you look happy, something good has happened?

In his heavily accented voice and grinning Theo answered: ''Yes, indeed sir, something very good.''

(Theo was one of the many homeless people who would come to our bus every Friday night and be given a hot drink, some food, and a warm blanket.)

''Tell me Theo, what is your good news? I asked.

''I now have an address again!! I have a job, only as a dishwasher and not engineer, but because I have a job, I can now look for accommodation!!! Theo shouted excitedly.

''Fantastic!! I shouted back.

               (Theo left his home country because he was offered a job as a building engineer here in Australia, and because he had relatives already established here on a permanent visa, he took the plunge.

Three months later the business collapsed, he lost his job, and losing his job meant that he could not pay rent. Not being able to pay rent, he was told by his relatives to leave, and since he had only been in the country for a few months, he was not entitled to any assistance from the government.

                 He ended up homeless. In order to be able to receive any financial assistance, he had to have a permanent address, but in order for him to have an address, he had to have a job. Theo spent his time from dawn to dusk for months trying to get a job, any job, without any success, but, he never gave up trying, and he never complained.)

''Well done Theo, I wish you all the best with everything, you so deserve it! Let us know next time you come how it all went, I said to a beaming Theo.

''I will, and I will give you my address too,'' and with those words he walked out of the car park where our bus was stationed.

Theo's experience made me acutely aware of something that I had never thought of before; the importance of having a permanent address.

Living, as many of us are, in a meritocracy, it can be easy to become judgmental and harsh when it comes to ''homeless people''. As in: ''If people have a lot, it's because they earned/deserved it, so then it's only logical to conclude that those who have nothing, earned/deserved that as well.''

In my view, people can become homeless for a myriad of different reasons, none of which may necessarily have anything to do with earning or deserving it.

Life, may I suggest, is a hypothesis, not a foregone conclusion, sometimes things happens over which we have little say (war, natural disaster, sickness, drought, famine, etc.etc.) and suddenly our circumstances have changed. 

  Regardless of our exterior circumstances, if our home is in our heart,

we are always at home.

What is pain?....read on to get different perspectives......

There are many words that mean very different things to different people.

My opinion of words is that words are mere approximations, and more

often than not, we apply our very own interpretations and definitions

to words which at times end in congruent outcomes, but at other times

end in misunderstandings and confrontations.

Pain, is one of those words in my view.

"What is pain?'' a child asked a doctor.

''A scale of the numbers one to ten,'' answered the doctor.

''What is pain?" a sapling asked a tree.

''A never-ending chain-saw,'' answered the tree.

''What is pain?'' a foal asked its mother.

''A saddle and a bridle,'' answered the mother.

''What is pain?'' a puppy asked its mother.

''A muzzle and a leash,'' answered the mother.

''What is pain?'' a chick asked its mother.

''Thanksgiving,'' answered the mother.

''What is pain?'' a cub asked its mother.

''A bullet or an arrow,'' answered the mother.

''What is pain?, a kitten asked its mother.

''A cruel child,'' answered the mother.

''What is pain?'' one tooth asked another.

''Sugar,'' answered the other tooth.

''What is pain?'' one toy Teddy asked another.

''Being disregarded,'' answered the other toy Teddy.

''What is pain?'' a flower asked another flower.

''Being cut down,'' answered the other flower.

''What is pain?'' one oyster asked its mother.

''The beginnings of a pearl,'' answered the mother.

''What is pain?'' the student asked his teacher.

''The Master of all teachers,'' answered the teacher.

''What is pain?'' the four winds, the oceans, the forests, the deserts, 

the lakes, the mountains, the airs, the animals, the flowers, the critters,

asked each other.

''Human kind,'' answered the four winds, the oceans, the forests, the deserts, 

the lakes, the mountains, the airs, the animals, the flowers, the critters.

(Citizen Z)

Change...a good thing, yeah? Well, perhaps not always......

Change, they say, is inevitable.

How we deal with change is up to each of us, so they also say.

Some change may be incremental, some sudden and imposed.

Change is often viewed as progress, improvement and growth,

but this I wonder, .....is this always so?

Change, is the first word in a chain of reactions,

once we embrace it, next comes actions.

Out with the old, in with the new,

what we know, becomes what we knew.

Progress we are told, comes with a cost,

we must forget about the past and what may be lost.

With excitement, curiosity and anticipation,

we must fix our gaze firmly, ..toward the horizon.

Then at a distance we may dimly see,

the potential of change and it's possibilities.

To embrace any change, we must let go of the old,

to not look back, but forward we're told.

Much as we may wish to apply change to the past,

it can not be done, nay, that die has been cast. 

Change, you see, yes, it's very nature,

belongs to right now, and to the future.

[Citizen z]

Here is what I often ponder; does not the word change infer that it is something not set in cement?

The change to the ''way of life'' that was imposed on the Native American's (Indigenous American's), Australian Indigenous People, and all other peoples and nations that have been subjected to invasions by other countries, has had dire consequences for those peoples, their cultures, their health and well-fare, the well-being of their hearts and minds, and their customs.

The ''change'' that the invaders brought with them may have been classified by the invaders as   ''progress'', but history will attest to the fact that rather than progress, the changes they imposed on the indigenous peoples, has had catastrophic outcomes.

So, maybe it is time for a change?

Maybe it is time to support and listen, and to ask what the peoples of the ''invaded nations'' would consider to be helpful in order to promote a congruous and peaceful co-existence? 

Every new day offers an opportunity for change...for you, for me, for all of us .....

Well, that is my hope anyway......

ps: about the painting, the native american medicine woman is releasing the "states" thru the blue window..( where usually the stars are...)