On the importance of sleep...........

Sleep.

 For some of us easier said than done, and for some of us,...sometimes a rickety old bench may have to do for a bed and a smooth rock for a pillow.

(This painting is my interpretation of a photo I found in a "Best of Black and White Photographs" book.)

The back story to this photograph: a bombed out city, debris everywhere and people all around  the sleeping man foraging through the rubble searching for anything that they can use. In the midst of all the fervor, a man sleeps. 

I was attracted to this image not only because I thought the photo was great, but also because there seemed to be such a stillness about the man on the bench.

For some of us, sleep comes easy, yet for other of us, sleep can be evasive and we may find ourselves unable to switch of our "brains" long enough to fall asleep.  Why is sleeping important? one may ask.

Those in the know tell us that we need sleep in order for our bodies and minds to function properly. While we are sleeping, the body goes to work repairing and healing, balancing and supporting, restoring and developing, and preparing us for our "awake" lives.

Although we may experience sleep as our minds and bodies as being at rest, apparently, that's not the case, rather...our minds and bodies are hard at work. 

Not getting enough sleep, and with that I mean; enough sleep in order for our minds and bodies to rejuvenate; can have dire consequences. Lack of sleep can affect: our ability to make sound judgments, our ability to focus, our ability to think clearly, our patience, our stamina, our emotions, etc. etc. in short, a lack of sleep can potentially turn a Dr. Jekyll into a Mr. Hyde.

In my early twenties, as an experiment, I decided to see what would happen if I stayed awake for three days. After one night of no sleep I felt a bit shaky, foggy, irritated and de-hydrated, but still able to function at work. After two nights of no sleep, work was out of the question. I could not concentrate and I had zero patience with anyone or anything. After three days of no sleep, I began to hallucinate, light hurt my eyes, sound hurt my ears, and I was all over the place both mentally and physically. Conclusion: Sleep is a necessity for well-being and a sound mind.

So, having said that, what if one is a person who finds it hard to fall asleep?

Perhaps a good start to overcome it is to try to define what it is that prevents you from falling asleep.

Some have suggested that it may be helpful to turn off and not bring mobile phones, pads, pods, etc. etc. i-Thingy's into the bedroom.  

The body's core temperature drops while we are sleeping, so it can be helpful to have a cool-ish bedroom. (If you're feeling cold, "hug" a hot-water bottle rather than turning up the room temperature.)

Some people find that relaxing music(/sounds) playing softly in the background can be helpful to dropping off, yet others may find that ear-plugs can assist falling asleep by shutting out sounds.

During a particularly difficult and stressful time in my life when I found myself staring at the ceiling hour after hour, night after night, my then partner feed up with me tossing and turning turned to me and asked:  "What time is it? 

"Three in the morning," I answered.

"What can you do about the thing that you are tossing and turning about.. right now?" 

"Nothing" I answered.

"Well, stop thinking about it until you can actually do something about it then" and with those words my tossing and turning was "cured". (Who could argue with that logic?)

I have since then also discovered that I can quiet my ever racing mind by listening to talk-back radio when I hop into bed, which may not work for some, but may still be worth a try.

There is something called the "4-7-8  Breathing technique" that some find really helpful:

1. Breath in for 4 seconds

    2. Hold breath for 7 seconds

               3. Slowly breathe out for 8 seconds

Even if one has a very hectic and busy life, viewing sleep as essential for good decision making and a balanced mind can also be helpful.

Some suggest that having a regular sleeping schedule can be beneficial as well.

What many consider not to be helpful is drinking coffee before going to bed, ruminating on what if''s, and or using the bed as a "work-station".

Sleep, is when our conscious minds can hand over all our worries and concerns

to our ever present and equally wise subconscious minds,

so that when we wake up, 

once again, ..... the sun shines.

"Sleep is the golden thread that ties health and our bodies together."
(a revision of a Thomas Dekker quote)

The benefits of finding a "quiet corner"........stillness within.

Some subjects can be more difficult to write about than others and for a number of different reasons.

However, I have noticed that "cartoon" figures sometimes seem to be able to convey quite clearly and often inoffensively, ideas/thoughts/notions/pondering's with one single image what may otherwise take a whole lot of words. So, I invented this "Teddy" figure to speak for us. I begin with a pencil drawing, then sometimes add some colour with water colours or ink, and usually finish the image by editing it in Photoshop where I often add a text to go with the image. 

For me, a poem consists of compact and precise language, where a few stanzas can potentially open us up to a whole new world of thinking.

Song lyrics, when in the hands of a master may be able to tell us with a few verses and a chorus a whole life story...as for example in "Eleanor Rigby", a song by the Beatles.

A cartoon, often a simple drawing(image) intended for caricature, humour, and satire, yet with one single image, a thousand words may well up from within us.

In the case of the above image, Teddy has placed himself in a quiet corner.

Sometimes, the world is just too loud

for a Teddy who feels uncomfy in a crowd.

Sometimes, there's just too much information,

to absorb for a Teddy of a gentle persuasion.

Sometimes, there's just too many expectations,

to live up to for a Teddy plagued by hesitations.

Sometimes, there's just too much going on,

for a Teddy uncertain and prone to apprehension.

yet

There are also times when the world is shining,

for a Teddy who finds life and living exciting.

And there are times when finding more information

is a comfort for a Teddy seeking explanations.

There are many a times when others expectations,

motivates a Teddy to realize sought for aspirations.

Other times when it seems much is going on

a Teddy may find stillness in a simple song.

For some of us, a quiet corner may not be a corner, it may be watching a sunrise, a sunset, watching the ocean, sitting quietly under a luscious tree, watching children at play, listening to soothing music, meditating, ...... the list goes on. When we enter a place of stillness (a quiet corner) it becomes possible to hear our "inner voices" no matter how loud the world is.

"The inner is foundation of the outer

The still is master of the restless.

The sage travels all day yet never leaves

his inner treasure." (Lao Tzu)

What is a friend?...

Most of us if asked what we value in life would probably rank friends as very valuable.

Some suggest that friends play an important role when it comes to us experiencing a sense of "happiness".

It may be easy to assume that the word "friend" need no definition, but in my experience, it does.

Broadly speaking, most of us would probably define a friend as someone with whom we share a bond of mutual affection and esteem, commonly someone outside of our family relations (although we may view a family member as a friend) and usually void of a sexual component.

In 2009, the New Oxford Dictionary's word for the year was "unfriend", a word that without Facebook probably would not exist.  "Unfriend", as in: to remove someone as a "friend" from a social networking site. (as Facebook)

 How does one define the term "Facebook friend"? Is a friend on Facebook a "real" friend?

Hmmm.......tricky to answer. A friend on Facebook may be someone we may never have met, never spoken to, someone we admire but have no deeper access to (celeb), etc. or it may be someone we  are close to and see and talk to face to face regularly.

I have a sneaky suspicion that now when there is such a thing as a "Facebook friend", our definitions and expectations of what a friend is, may have changed somewhat.

Do we value Facebook (or other social network sites) friends as much and or the same way that we value the friends we "hang out" with?

Often there are words attached to the word friend such as: real, true, good, loyal, trustworthy, faithful, dependable, and so on. These words are important when we attach them to the word friend, because in my view, they often carry with them our own expectations of  how a friend should or should not behave.

"A friend is someone who:...is always there for you, is honest, supports you, encourages you, is loyal, is faithful, is dependable, loves you, has your back, understands you....(insert here your own definition)....etc.etc.

If someone we call a "close" or "trusted" friend behaves in a way that doesn't fit with our expectations of how such a friend should behave, we often feel hurt, disappointed and or betrayed. (When we establish a friendship with someone, more often than not we assume that the person we are befriending has the same views on what being a friend means.)

A common expectation many of us have of a friend is disclosure, as in, a friend doesn't keep secrets from us. This can be a problematic expectation because many of us have different interpretations on what we deem a "secret". Someone's "secret" may be that he or she is plagued with panic attacks, insecurities, obsessive thoughts, social anxieties, etc. that he or she may not be ready or strong enough to disclose to anyone. Many of us hold back in telling our friends about some things and aspects of ourselves because we are not sure how they will respond. Sometimes we may even find it easier to tell a total stranger about something that is important to us than a close friend.

Working behind the bar in a Jazz club in Stockholm I was often told secrets: "Wow, I have never told anyone about this, I don't know why I am telling you" was a common comment. Perhaps it is easier to tell a total stranger something because chances are, that such a person has no preconceived opinions and is therefore hopefully less likely to be judgmental? 

Although we often value our close friends input and opinions, perhaps at times we also fear them.

(as in: "What are you doing, that's not you, .....how could you do something so stupid, ....what were you thinking!" etc.etc. )

I believe there are different levels of friendships:

Acquaintances: people we mostly know by name and have exchanged a few words with

Colleagues/work mates: people we see mostly in a particular environment and seldom make plans with outside of that environment

Group friends: people we mostly do things with as a group

Friends: people with which we have established a connection and history but see sporadically

Close friends:  people with which we have established an emotional connection and history, we see them regularly, we trust them and value their opinions, we respect and support them, we care deeply about all aspects of them and their lives

Best friend: a person with whom we have an emotional bond and history, shared passions, mutual respect and love, an un-wavering openness to stand by him or her when its needed, and a willingness to alter one's own expectations for the benefit of the friendship

Most of us have ideas, opinions and expectations on what a friend is, but I wonder how often we ask ourselves what kind of friend we are. Do we ourselves fulfill the expectations we have of others?

When a friend comes to us with a problem, do we tell them what they should do or do we ask them what they need? If a friend tells us they are feeling lonely, do we tell them to be more positive or do we ask them if they want some company?

If a friend tells us they are feeling down, do we tell them to look at the bright side or do we ask them why they are feeling down?

If a friend tells us that their partner has left them, do we tell them that there is plenty more fish in the sea, or do we ask them if they want to talk about it?

"What must I do to be a good friend grand-father?" asked the boy.

"You must learn to listen" answered the grand-father.

"Friendship is the only cure for hatred, the only guarantee for peace." (Guatama Buddha) 

Letting go......easier said than done

The mother walks into the empty bedroom. 

All that is left are marks on the walls where her daughter's posters used to hang.

As she holds back her tears, she can't help but wonder where all the years went.

Children leave. They leave to form their own lives, and a parent's job is to let them go.

Letting go....often easier said than done.

Most of us have probably experienced being told to "just let go", or encouraged others to do so, but unfortunately, "letting go" doesn't come with instructions on how to do so. 

For a parent, letting go of one's child in order for him/her to become an autonomous being, in my experience, can be a rather difficult process and the reason I view it as a process rather than an event, is that "letting go" seem to involve going through different stages.

Of course, "letting go" is not just something only a parent has to go through....if we were to number on a list the times in our lives when felt we needed to "let go" of someone or something, it would probably become a very, very, long list. Letting go brings change, and change as far as we know at this stage, is inevitable, and always brings with it any number of adjustments.

The more emotionally attached we are to someone or something, the harder the adjustment to change may seem. When I was told by a doctor that I had to stop playing tenor sax because I had developed an allergy to the reed in the saxophone mouthpiece, I was devastated. I loved playing the sax, and to be told that I had to "let go" of doing so felt like I had to let go of my best friend. I began my letting go-process by bargaining: the "what-if's", ..what if I could find a reed that wasn't made of bamboo? what if I rinsed my mouth after each session on the sax?what if another doctor would tell me something different?

Eventually, with all my glands swollen, a continuously sore throat, lips swollen, infected, and bleeding, I realized that it was time to move on to the next stage of letting go: acceptance. The prognosis was that my allergy could not be cured, so I sold my saxophone (very reluctantly) and proceeded to the final step of my process of letting go: moving on (adjusting) and finding another "friend".
Often the word "just" proceeds letting go; "You just got to let go". Just? In my experience, letting go is seldom something one "just" does. Neither do I believe that "moving on" is something one just does. Letting go and moving on is not an easy thing to do, on the contrary, it can be very difficult and painful, because often it involves letting go of expectations and "but what if''s" of varying kinds.
As I view it, commonly letting go begins with a desire and willingness to do so, preempted by no longer wanting to fight against change, rather, seeing possibilities that change may bring with it.
"I don't know what will happen if I quit this job, but I don't want to stay in it any longer, I don't know how I will cope with breaking up with my partner, but I don't want to stay in this relationship any longer, I don't know if seeing a counselor will help me, but I don't want to feel this way any longer, all I know is that I need to change my situation and find something better, etc.etc.".
(What that "better" may be is up to the individual seeking the change.)
Some suggest that pain (emotional and or physical) can be a great motivator for embracing change and moving on/letting go.
Most of us probably don't like going to the dentist, but usually tooth ache brings us to one in the end, many of us don't like going to the doctor, but a wound that won't heal or a strange looking spot on the skin usually brings us to see one, some of us may view psychologists and counselors as "quacks", but night-sweats, re-occurring nightmares, flashbacks, compulsive and anxious thoughts, and or crippling fears of different kinds often tend to motivate us to seek assistance from them.
It can be difficult to let go of toxic relationships even though we know they harm us, it can be difficult to let go of our adult children even though we know that for their benefit we need to do so, it can be difficult to let go of our belief system(s) although it(they) no longer holds true for us, and so on, because it can be difficult to get past the bargaining stage: if he/she just changed, if they just.... if , if, if.
Once we have concluded that bargaining (if only x would...) is not "working" for us or meeting our desired expectations, I believe we are at the beginning point of the letting go process.
Next step is to accept "what is" rather than how we wish things to be, how things could be, or how things once were. (As in: The marriage/relationship is over, my child is leaving home, I will age, I am no longer as fit as I was when I was 25 years old, my parents will die, I have a chronic illness, etc.etc)
After we have stopped bargaining, and have accepted the things we consider to be "what is", I believe we can proceed to the last step (of this process but the beginning of something else); letting go and moving on.
 If in order to let go you must forgive yourself and or others,...forgive.
Some things and some people belong in our past, but not in our present or to our future. Today can not begin unless we let go of yesterday. Loosen your grip on what was or what could have been, instead keep your hands open so possibilities may fill them.

"Abundance is a process of letting go, ....that which is empty can receive."
(Brian H. McGill)

Are we living in an "Age of Incredulity? (Mistrust)

I was just a small child when I saw my first Disney movie, "Fantasia", but I still remember the sense of joy and wonder it invoked in me.   More than anything else, the characters that Walt Disney created: Mickey, Goofy, Donald Duck, Snow white and the Seven dwarfs, etc.etc. offered unadulterated, innocent fun. Animation, for many perhaps viewed as "kid's stuff", has come far since then, often venturing into the opposite of "innocent" fun, and some of it could definitely not be classified as  "kid's stuff".  

What do I mean with "the Age of Incredulity"?

Incredulity has many definitions, let me suggest a few: skepticism, distrust, denial, suspicion, disbelief, and so on...so the age of incredulity could also be "the age of mistrust and suspicion".

Watching a program on the TV in which a panel of professional people representing different areas of "expertise" were discussing how we, aka "the people", are affected by mass-media and the issue of free speech, one of the panelists had this to say: "We are all entitled to our own opinions, but not to our own facts".

Facts, in my view, is really important for a reasonable and logical exchange of ideas to take place, so what happens when facts no longer hold sway (influence)? What happens to the foundation of a society and its people when a fact can become unreliable by just putting the word "alternative" in front of it, and news dismissed out of hand by just putting the word "fake" in front of it?

Incredulity.

If we can't trust facts, what happens to science? Medicine? Technology? The judicial system? The educational system?.... to mention a few areas. (Fact: knowledge and or information based on actual occurrences.)

In order for a society to function and support its members, necessitates a level of congruence and congruence is achieved when a society has a number of agreed upon "do's and dont's" which the members of that society adhere to. In a democracy, generally speaking a free press is often considered a corner stone providing the populace (us) with pertinent, honest and authentic information on what is going on in our own society as well as in others. "The only freedom for us all is in a free press." (Thomas Jefferson, american president) Commonly what is meant with "freedom of the press" is the right to circulate opinions & information in print and or through the use of electronic media, without censorship by a government/governmental body. 

Can facts be "alternative"? I guess that depends on how we define facts. Can News be "fake"? I guess that depends on how we define News....

Words are problematic; because they are often ambiguous and can be interpreted and defined differently by different people. Words are important; they make communication with others easier, and in my view we use them to define the world we live in.  Words can be powerful; they can comfort, tell stories, support, be constructive or destructive, they can heal, encourage, belittle, shame, insult, etc. etc. 

This ambiguity can be rather disconcerting for some of us, especially if we seek certainty in an ever more uncertain world. If news can be fake, how do we identify authentic news? If facts can be alternative, how do we identify correct/true facts?

For some of us, gut instincts and feelings may play an important role in deciding which is what, but, are gut instincts and feelings really to be trusted?

It may feel safe to trust our gut, but the problem with that is that gut instinct is mostly based on previous experiences and knowledge, and is therefore limited by our own perceptions.  Our perceptions, although they may be experienced by us as "truth" are often subjected to subconscious bias and erroneous thinking, and gut instinct, although at times quite helpful, in my view can also at times be an obstacle that prevents us from gaining deeper insight and understanding.

"We believe what we want to believe", "we see what we want to see", "we don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are", "we don't see the world as it is, but as we believe it to be"...quotes by wise folks, but not particularly helpful for those of us seeking certainty.

Mankind has lived through a number of different "Ages": The Dark Ages, The Age of Enlightenment and Reason, the Industrial Age, the Age of Technology and Information, each age bringing with it new insights and knowledge but.... have we now come full circle? Are we now guided by instincts, superstition and feelings like in the Dark Ages?

Have now entered the Age of Incredulity/Mistrust?

If facts can be alternative, news fake, politicians self-serving rather than serving their society, the medical profession bought by big Pharma companies rather than being motivated by patient care, governments owned by Mega rich individuals with hidden agendas rather than run by people wanting to serve its constituents, "Churches" driven by the pursuit of money rather than faith, etc.etc. what is left for us to put our trust into?

I wish I knew the answer, but all I have is this:

Change. We can trust in change.

Ages come and ages go.

In spite of mistrust around us, we still get

to chose to find something to put our trust and support into.

"If we consider carefully the options put before us

So much wisdom, so much love, so much waiting for us,

and if we look ahead, there's the sun and the seasons,

another day, another age of reason."

(Lyrics to the song "Age of Reason" by Pigott, Johanna Paton/Hunter, Todd Stuart)