Confront your fears....

Safely tucked into the protective arms of his father, the little boy feels safe enough to stare straight into the camera.

Feeling safe; according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, is one of our most prominent needs.

So, what do we mean? Safe from what?

(Words, in my view, are mere approximations, and the more I delve into trying to understand what they are, the more I realise how words are not just about words, but also about context, circumstance, interpretation, and perception.)

"Safe" (as in; being safe)- a few possible definitions: out of harms way, free from danger, risk, and other possible occurrences that may threaten our lives.

"Feeling safe", on the other hand, as far as I can ascertain, is different.

(One may feel safe in one's home during a thunderstorm, but that does not necessarily mean that one is being safe since lightning often enough strike buildings.)

Feeling safe, for many of us is often interpreted as not anticipating either harm or hurt, emotionally or physically.

Whatever we perceive as a possible threat to our physical and or emotional safety; whether real or imagined; our inclination is often to "run" from it and if we can't run from it, get "rid" of it. The fact that there are today so many human beings living on this planet does seem to indicate that for survival purposes, so far this approach has worked well for us. (Not so fortunate for all the creatures now extinct due to us wanting to feel safe)

According to those in the "know", feeling emotionally safe is something that comes from within us.

They suggest that when we are able to identify and understand our feelings, and rather than "running" from them we acknowledge and embrace them, that we may be able to feel more emotionally "safe".

(Disclaimer: this does not apply for those of us who suffer with serious mental health issues)

I have battled with anxiety (GAD) most of my life, (not so much nowadays) and for many years it seemed to me as if it (the anxiety) was this nebulous, nefarious, unpredictable kind of "mist" that just descended upon me seemingly from out of nowhere until one day a new thought: WHY? ...why am I feeling this way? What were the thoughts that preceded this anxiousness?

"If I think that the world is going crazy and that it is becoming a very dangerous place, maybe that's why I am feeling unsafe?" I quickly realised that how I think about something directly relates to how I feel about something. So if I wanted to change how I felt about something, then I needed to change how I thought about it. "Do I know this for a fact, or is fear clouding my judgement, my thinking about this?"

If you distrust strangers, why is that and how did you come to hold that view?

If you think "foreigners" are weird, why is that and how did you come to hold that view?

If you think that other belief systems other than yours are "wrong", why is that and how did you come to hold that view?

If you think that the world is unsafe, why is that and how did you come to hold that view?

At the bottom of feeling unsafe, lies fear, .... and fear-based thoughts, may I suggest, bring more fear.

Some of us may perhaps think that we may be able to keep fear at bay and feel safe and secure by building walls, buying arms, installing security systems, installing firewalls, padlocking everything, etc.etc., history tells us that the minute you build a wall someone will work out how to get over it, arm yourself and someone will have a bigger "gun", install a security system and someone will work out how to reset it, install a firewall and someone will figure out how to bypass it, padlock everything and someone will have a tool that can cut through them all.  

 

“I know a little something about fear, honey. I know what a relief it feels like to give into it at first. It’s not hard to persuade yourself that you’re doing the right thing—that you’re making the smart, safe decision. But fear is insidious. It takes anything you’re willing to give it, the parts of your life you don’t mind cutting out, but when you’re not looking, it takes anything else it damn well pleases, too.”  (Andrea Lochen)

Many of us probably hold the idea that the more control we have over the dynamics of our environment the more safe we will feel, thing is.....the need for control often comes from a place of fear and can fear really rid us of fear?

According to those in the "know", the answer is no, fear only brings more fear.

Some suggestions on overcoming feeling unsafe:

 

What exactly is making you feel unsafe?

When did those feelings begin?

What are your thoughts linked to those feelings?

Try to ascertain how many of those thoughts are anchored in facts.

Let go of those that are not.

Replace those thoughts with life-affirming ones (thoughts that brings courage)

 

"Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead". (Jerry Gillies)