And now for some Good News.....

 

Before the event of Microsoft's use of the term "windows", windows often referred to the boundary between the inside and the outside, the private sphere and the public (although, in literature the term is also used in: "the eyes as windows to the soul"(heart, mind).

I take the meaning of "the eyes are the windows of the soul" to be that through someone's eyes their inner states are possible to be "seen".)

 Do you watch the news? I do, and last night when I was watching the news it suddenly dawned on me that the news perhaps can be viewed as "windows" into a multitude of situations and events, but also into people's lives, both public and private.

“To grow interested in any piece of information, we need somewhere to 'put' it, which means some way of connecting it to an issue we already know how to care about.”   Writes Alain de Botton in his book: "The News: A users manual". As I was watching one news item after the other of destruction, violence, natural catastrophes, crying children and celebrities doing "stupid" things, etc. etc., Alain de Botton's words rang true to me.

Where are we to put all these "windows" of information?

According to statistics, we are becoming increasingly more anxious about what the future holds for us personally as well as collectively. Some of us may choose to avoid watching the news and current affairs programs, documentaries and commentaries on world events, some of us may feel that it is important to keep up with such and seek them out, some of us perhaps compartmentalise and only watch and read about those particular things that we feel invested in, and some of us perhaps don't want to see or hear about any of those things because after all, "what can we do about it anyway?"

May I suggest, that the TV screen (computer, ipad, phone) is in itself a "window", and regardless of what we may be watching, what we see, affects us in a myriad of different ways.

Reality shows, for instance, why are they so attractive to so many of us? Could they not perhaps be seen as quite voyeuristic in nature, as an intrusion into peoples private spheres? Peeking behind the curtains, so to speak? Some suggest that reality shows give us an opportunity to compare: ourselves to others (I wish I had his/her life), others to us (gee, I am happy I'm not living his/her life), "I would never behave like that, I would never do that, I would never say those things, I wish I was brave enough to do that, I could have become a .......too, I am just as good as him/her so I am going to give it a shot", etc.etc.. Personally, I find it interesting to watch talent shows, whether they are about music, painting, cooking, baking, renovation, or etc.etc.., I find it encouraging and inspiring to watch people having a "go" and developing their skills at doing something they are passionate about.

But back to the news and the many confrontational images that enter our private spaces through the TV screen (computer, ipad, phone). Alain de Botton again: “Though anger seems a pessimistic response to a situation, it is at root a symptom of hope: the hope that the world can be better than it is. The man who shouts every time he loses his house keys is betraying a beautiful but rash faith in a universe in which keys never go astray. The woman who grows furious every time a politician breaks an election promise reveals a precariously utopian belief that elections do not involve deceit.
The news shouldn’t eliminate angry responses; but it should help us to be angry for the right reasons, to the right degree, for the right length of time – and as part of a constructive project."

The thing with the News as I see it, is that it does not "peek behind the curtains", rather, the curtains have been removed altogether and what we see (although interpreted to some degree), are actual events, which is perhaps one of the reasons why it can be so confrontational to watch news programs. "Good News doesn't sell newspapers" so some say, and then often goes on to add: "people don't want to hear about happy people, happy events, or happy outcomes, people want to hear about other people being worse off than themselves so that they can say to themselves that they are not so bad off after all".

Is this really true? Hearing of others tragedies, does that help us to view our own less tragically?

Then what? Is it not possible that if a measure of "good news" had to be included in the news reports along with the "bad news", we may feel less overwhelmed and inclined to throwing in the towel, but instead feel encouraged to entertain the notion that we can all find some small, or big, way to contribute something "good" for the betterment of mankind?

(There are a few sites on the web that offers Good News/Positive News, and browsing those I have found can be rather inspiring when the onslaught of bad news seem to fill every channel.)

Alain de Botton again: “To live in modernity--an era contemporaneous with the triumph of the news--is to be constantly reminded that, thanks to science and technology, change and improvement are continuous and relentless. This is part of the reason we must keep checking the news in the first place: we might at any moment be informed of some extraordinary development that will fundamentally alter reality. Time is an arrow following a precarious, rapid and yet tantalizingly upward trajectory.”  

Did you know that:

 Ebola was eradicated in Liberia in May 2015, in Nigeria in October 2015, and both Sierra Leone and Guinea were declared free of the disease in December 2015?

There is a new kind of antibiotics called Teixobactin that can kill "superbugs"?

Australian scientists has solved the puzzle of how Alzheimer’s disease destroys connections in the brain?

Park rangers in the Democratic Republic of the Congo reported in 2015 that the mountain gorilla population had quadrupled in recent decades to 1,000?

Some doctors in Canada has developed a method for penetrating the protective layer of the brain to allow medicine to be delivered directly to deadly tumours through the blood stream. The breakthrough allows easier and far more effective treatment of cancer, Parkinson’s, and Alzheimer's disease? (from  GoodNewsNetwork)

 

One of the good things about our "artificial" windows in my view, is that we can turn them off when we want and or need to, .....real life on the other hand,  .........not so much.

But, there is always something we can do for someone else, no matter how small that something may be, to make that someone else's life a little bit easier, happier, and/or more endurable.

All that is needed is to look for that window of opportunity to lend a helping hand.

On: Embracing the "inner child" and becoming an adult....

 

 

"Caring for your inner child has a powerful and surprisingly quick result: Do it and the child heals." (Martha beck)

So, what is the "inner child"? The inner child: "the aspect of one's psyche that is believed to retain feelings as they were experienced in childhood."

(Some suggest that all of us carry within us an "inner child" regardless of how old we are, and that communicating and acknowledging that inner child can help us to overcome hurtful experiences we had as children.)

I have often heard people make remarks such as: "yeah,  people blame their problems on their childhoods" followed by "but they're adults now and should deal with their problems as adults".

A problem with that statement as I see it, is that it doesn't define exactly what an adult is.

Different societies have different definitions; some base it on ritual, some on age, some on behaviour, some on emotional maturity, and some perhaps on all the above.

(Although, may I suggest that it is quite possible to behave as a "child" although considering oneself as an adult, and it is quite possible for a child to behave as an "adult".)

How we were treated as children often sets a precedent for how we behave as adults, and commonly children tend to assign blame to themselves when things go "wrong". "My folks got divorced because I was such a demanding child", "my dad was only tough on me because I was too soft", "my mom didn't help me with my schoolwork because she wanted me to become independent", "my parents didn't show me any affection because I was such a needy child", etc. etc.

When needs are not being met, rather than seeing something "wrong/bad" with his/her parents(parent/primary caregiver)behaviour (this thought is un-acceptable), a child rationalises, and takes on the responsibility for unmet needs. Eventually, this often results in the child forming the idea: "there's something wrong with me, I am just not good enough", and although we grow older and form other relationships, this sense of rejection can cling on to us throughout our lives.

Our childhoods, whether we view them as good or bad, exerts a great influence on us. How we dealt with the experiences we had as children may I suggest, plays a great role in how we deal with life as adults.

If as children we were in the habit of believing that we were responsible for "bad/wrong" things happening, then chances are that we will continue to do so in our adult lives. If as children we were in the habit of believing that others were responsible for "bad/wrong" things happening, then chances are we that we will continue to do so in our adult lives. Personally, I believe that some bad things happen as a part of life.....sometimes we may be responsible, sometimes others may be responsible, sometimes it happens by accident.

Reading a book on "Healing your childhood", the author (name escapes me) suggested that to assist in healing, it could be helpful to have an imaginary conversation with the "inner child". Remembering a painful memory, as an adult, what would I say to that inner child? (I imagined that inner child sitting in a chair opposite me)  This may seem quite an abstract thing to do, but much to my amazement, I found it to be very helpful. Revisiting painful childhood memories now as an adult, I was able to offer that inner child the comfort and insight that as a child I had no access to.

Not that it changed anything that had happened, but it changed how I viewed those experiences.

We can't change what happened in the past, but we can change how we view those past experiences, and with a changed view, a measure of healing is a possibility.

Childhood, whether good or bad, brilliant or rotten, bears with it far reaching influences well into our adulthood. Regardless of what kind of childhood we had, may I suggest that we still get to choose what kind of adults we want to be.

“For in every adult there dwells the child that was, and in every child there lies the adult that will be.”   (John Connolly)

So, how do I define being an adult?

Some  suggestions:

Being able to take ownership and responsibility for personal actions

Being able to take ownership and responsibility for personal emotions

Being able to take ownership and responsibility for personal decisions

Being able to take ownership and responsibility for personal changes

Being able to take ownership and responsibility for personal motivations and inspirations

 

 

"It is necessary to own and honor the child who we were in order to Love the person we are. And the only way to do that is to own that child's experiences, honor that child's feelings, and release the emotional grief energy that we are still carrying around."
(Robert Burney)

 

Looking for the heart....the quest for overcoming prejudice....

 

When I was a kid, I was bullied for many years. Sometimes the bullying resulted in a beating, but mostly it consisted of verbal abuse.  There seemed to be no end to what was different about me, and therefore "wrong" in the eyes of others, so, school for me was rather tortuous and often lonely.

Prejudice, something that probably most of us have to deal with at some time in our lives, is a heavy burden to carry, whether we hold it or are the "recipients" of it.

So what is prejudice? According to Wikipedia: "preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience", or "an opinion or judgment that disregards the facts." One of the many problems that comes with prejudice is that it often encourages discrimination and stereo-typing.

Examples of common prejudices: "All blondes are dumb"....."all the people on welfare are lazy"....."all religious people believe in fairy tales"......."women are over-emotional"....."men are only interested in one thing"......."people who don't speak English are dumb"......and so on.

Prejudice can perhaps be viewed as "pre-judgement" and in my view is problematic because it prevents a deeper understanding and insight into that which it pre-judges. Are all blondes really dumb? To ascertain such is it not necessary to actually know all who are blonde? Are really all people who are welfare recipients lazy? Is it not possible that some are not? and so on.

In conversation with someone, I was told that "people on the dole are all lazy" to which I retorted: "How many people on the dole do you know?" Answer: "Well, I don't really know anybody, but I can tell." "How can you tell if you don't know anybody?" I asked. Answer: "Well, I see them in shopping centres just lazing about." "How do you know that those you see "lazing about" are not just having a day off work, or on a break, or on holidays, or are shift workers?" I asked. Answer: "You're not going to change my view, my opinion is my opinion." "Even though you don't actually know whether the people you deem lazy "dole bludgers" really are welfare recipients, you still feel it is okay to judge them as such?" I asked. Answer: "I know what I know and you're not going to change that regardless of what you say", she answered and walked away.

Prejudice does not necessarily have to be "negative" (hostile), it can also be "positive" (unduly favourable), but regardless of whether positive or negative, prejudice in my view is an opinion founded not on knowledge, facts and/or insight, rather the lack thereof.

  "Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins" is an old Cherokee saying which I find serves me well as a reminder to not jump to conclusions.

Some suggest that fears of varying kinds and ignorance plays a role in prejudice. As someone once said: "People often fear what they don't understand".

That "bump in the night" may be scary until you realise that it's just a cat, that person following you may seem scary until you realise it's just the waiter trying to return the phone you left at the table, that person scaring you by tailgating is doing so because you have forgotten to turn on your lights, and so on.

Prejudice is often easier to spot in others than in ourselves, just like we probably find it is easier to see others flaws than our own. "You just don't get it, green people are no different than orange people, people are people, all people are selfish and greedy." (All? There is no one who is not?)

"All religious people are nutters believing in fairy tales, that's why I believe in nothing." (Nothing? What about science, medical progress, technology, etc.?)

"I have nothing against purple people, ......as long as they keep to themselves."

Most societies have prejudice of some form and of varying degrees; gender prejudice, racial prejudice, religious prejudice, social prejudice, to mention a few. Unfamiliarity with others customs, cultures, and traditions, can often give rise to prejudice...."People often fear what they don't understand".

Prejudice at its worst is when it is used to justify the annihilation of one people for the benefit of another people. Millions, upon millions of people have been killed just because they were not the "right" kind, the "right" kind of culture, didn't have the "right" belief system, and didn't "look" right.

Billions of us are hanging on to a thin, crusty layer on this planet we call Earth trying to raise our children, make a living, and give our lives some meaning. Perhaps if we, mankind, were to focus more of our efforts on overcoming prejudice, intolerance, discrimination, and judging without insight, we may find ways to a more congruous existence.

All of us humans, whether green, orange or purple, do we not all desire to love and be loved, to belong and get along, to hope and dream, and have a place we call our home?

Look not to someone's countenance, nor the clothes they wear, nay, say I, ....rather, look at their hearts. 

“Our job on earth isn't to criticize, reject, or judge. Our purpose is to offer a helping hand, compassion, and mercy. We are to do unto others as we hope they would do unto us.” (Dana Arcuri)

 

"The discovery of truth is prevented more effectively,

 not by the false appearance things present,

and which leads into error,

not directly by the weakness of the reasoning powers,

but by preconceived opinion ...

.....by prejudice." (Arthur Schopenhauer)

 

ps: the computer is playing up, please excuse the weirdness halfway through...

Finding beauty....an instant heart-re-charge.......

 

A picture paints a thousand words.......

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder......

 

Does a landscape have to be photographically accurate in order to be considered beautiful?

Can something be scary, yet still beautiful?

 

 

Can a man be considered a "beauty" in the same sense as a woman?

(this is a painting of Zac, my son's friend)

 

What exactly is "beauty", and why does it pull at our emotions? Why do we "feel" things when we experience something beautiful?

How do we decide what to consider beautiful?

How is it that experiencing beauty can somehow make life seem "fuller" for some of us?

It seems that defining exactly why experiencing something beautiful makes us "feel" something is not an easy thing, actually, I am yet to find any substantial information on this...however...may I ask: Is there beauty in your life, do you enjoy beautiful things(whatever they are to you: music, nature, art, etc.etc)?

As a person who enjoys beauty where ever it can be found, may I suggest this: Look for beauty and the beautiful no matter what......when beauty touches the heart it's like an instant "re-charge".

 

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart", so said Helen Keller. (who was both deaf and blind yet earned a bachelor of arts degree)