Who are you? Find out with the help of your core values....

 

You.

Do you know who you are?

 

Commonly if asked who we are, we begin with answering with what we do:

"I am an account, I am a teacher, I am a secretary, body builder, warehouse worker, solicitor, artist, etc.."

 What we do, and who we are, (although connected) are in my view, different issues.

Many of the things we do perhaps can be viewed as "identifying markers" as to certain aspects of who we are, as well as other aspects such as our nationality, gender, family status, age, etc.., but do those aspects reveal anything about who we "are", that is; our self-knowledge?

What are your thoughts about you?

What are your core values? (Your guiding principles that dictates your behaviours and actions)

Some examples: honesty, reliability, loyalty, compassion, kindness, respect, dignity, courage, etc...

Whatever your core values may be, those are the values that influence the decisions you make, how you behave, how you view yourself and others, and what actions you take.

Understanding what our core values are, can be very helpful in understanding why we do and say the things we do. Often when we do things that doesn't line up with our core values, we experience feeling a nagging sense of guilt, shame, and dishonesty.

When our behaviour and actions line up with our core values, often there is a sense of feeling "authentic", and feeling authentic often helps us to have a solid sense of who we are.

(Finding out what our core values are, can at times be a bit tricky because the society in which we live, with is culture and media influences, influence our thinking.)

Is a crime a crime if nobody finds out? Is lying wrong if nobody knows its a lie? Is cheating wrong if nobody knows? Is spreading malicious rumours wrong if it's done anonymously?

Do I say something when I see someone being treated unfairly? Do I step in when someone is being bullied? These are some issues that may come up, and to be able to decide where we stand, we have to check in with our core values.

Most of us, whether we are aware of it or not, inherit many of our core values from our family situations. As children, we are instructed as to what is "good and bad"/wrong and right/acceptable/not acceptable, ... behaviours and beliefs, and those often stay with us until something occurs which make us question the validity of those values. "Dad says that.....but I am not so sure that I agree because....."  "Mom says that the most important thing in life is........but I am not so sure I agree because....."

How do I find my own core values then?

Some suggestions:

1. Spend some time thinking about what is most important to you, perhaps even writing down what those things are. (Honesty, truth, respect,...etc.)

2. Define for yourself what honesty, truth, respect,...etc. means to you.

3. How do I feel when I behave/act contrary to my core values?

4. The way I live my life, how does it line up with my core values?

Our core values perhaps can be likened to an "alarm" of sorts...when we act/behave contrary to them, we often feel uneasy, and our authentic selves nag at our conscience until we decide to deal with it.

In my view, that "alarm" is very helpful in assisting us to stay in touch with our authentic selves, and in finding our way through the "maze" we call life.

 

"My definition of success: When your core values and self-concept are in harmony with your daily actions and behaviours." (John Spence)