How to be a good friend.....on friendships

 

This is a painting I have called "Best Friends". In my imagination; it's a summers day, school's out, and a boy and his best friend are exploring the world together.

Friends, it seems to me, are very important for most of us, whether they have two or more legs, or perhaps even no legs at all....

But, what is a friend? Some suggestions: someone you can trust, someone who gets you, someone who supports you, someone who is loyal, someone who is honest, someone who loves and is passionate about the same things as you, someone who laughs at your jokes, someone who calls in on you when you're feeling poorly, someone who can keep a secret,...hmmm...seems the list goes on and on.....all the above and then some perhaps?

(A tall order for one person (/dog/cat/other) to fulfil so perhaps this is why we have a "category" we call our "best/closest" friend?)

I may be wrong, but is it possible that with the event of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, that our perception of what constitutes "a friend" has changed? Has the quantity of friends somehow become more important to us than the quality of our friendships?

If something unexpectedly wonderful, or bad happens, what is your kneejerk reaction: sharing your news in a public space (facebook/twitter/instagram), or getting in touch with the person you feel closest to, or perhaps mull it over internally before you share the news with anyone?

The song "You've got a friend" defines friendship rather nicely I think:

 

"When you're down and troubled,
And you need some love and care,
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me,
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night.

You just call out my name

And you know wherever I am

I'll come running to see you again

Winter, spring, summer or fall

All you have to do is call

And I'll be there

You've got a friend."

 

Defining what we seek/desire from the people we call friends, for many of us may be an easier task than defining what kind of friend we are to others. Do we ask ourselves if what we seek from others, we also offer others? A very close friend of mine, an incredible drummer, once told me: "You're too intense, too deep, and you need to lighten up. You scare people away."

Stumped, and temporarily speechless (yes, it happens...:) I looked at my friend and asked him to elaborate. "You need to learn how to chit-chat and just joke around," he answered.

Chit-chat? What? Talk and joke about.... nothing? Our friendship had developed through a deep connection both musically and through a meeting of the minds. We never chit-chatted yet we had formed a very strong friendship, so I was perplexed by his suggestion. But I listened to his words.

I learned how to chit-chat, and occasionally it seems, I manage to crack a "funny". Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: "The best way to find a friend is to be one."

So, how can one be a good friend?

Some suggestions: By listening, by asking what he/she may need, staying in touch, being supportive, being "there" when needed, using sensitive language, being persistent, consistent, and honest, and learning to respect your friend's boundaries, to mention a few.

Chances are, that the qualities we value in a friend, may also be what a friend may value in us.

Reaching out to someone beyond chit-chatting can be scary since the possibility of being rejected or ignored is always in play, however, so is also the possibility of developing a meaningful and long-lasting friendship...as someone once said: "Nothing worthwhile was ever achieved without an element of risk".

 

"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity". (Khalil Gibran)