"Tough Love", is a term that Bill Miliken used for his book in 1968 titled "Tough Love" and since then has been widely used. (Commonly it is used when someone is treated harshly purposely with the intent of that harshness helping that person in the long run.)
For me, the term seems a bit of a contradiction: "I love you, but if you don't.....(insert here conditions)......then I will withhold that love".
Can love be switched on and off, and if it can, is it love in the first place?
Perhaps it's time for an alternate definition of "Tough Love"?
Tough, as in=durable, strong, resilient, able to withstand adverse conditions, etc.
"Tough Love"= Love, able to withstand in spite of.....xxx...
On the morning of their 30-ieth wedding anniversary, Mary finds an envelope on the breakfast table.
She opens it and begins to read:
Dear Mary, Happy Anniversary......
you know I am no good at writing down my thoughts, but for this special day, I will try.
So, we have come this far, you and I, and it hasn't always been easy truth be told, but I always did and still do, love you. When Torbin had his drug problem and stole from us, not to mention all the rehabs we paid for, I thought we should have exercised some tough love and cut him off, but you said no, and a good thing that was too, since your enduring love and patience eventually got him on the right path again. And then when I lost my job and felt like I was useless, started to hit the bottle pretty hard, once again, you practiced your own kind of "tough love" and helped me to rebuild my crushed ego, now...how did you do that? Well, then we had some fairly peaceful years until your dad died. Watching you withdraw into your own shell, I felt helpless. All those weeks you just sat in front of the window, solemn, saying nothing, I thought I was losing you. I tried my hand at cooking, cleaning, and doing all the stuff you usually do, but as you know, I was no good at it, although.... I did get better, right? That night when you just took the car and left, I thought it was the end of us. I have never been so scared in all my life. In desperation, (I have never told you this), I called Torbin and asked him what to do......He was amazing, he said: do what mom would do, and when he said that, I sat down and tried to remember the way you treated me when I had my crisis. So, what did you do? You never blamed, criticized, or put me down, you listened and encouraged me, you believed in me and that I would find my way through it. When you came back, thank God you did, I adopted your method of loving, and slowly we found a way through your crisis together. So Mary, thank you for sticking with me all these years and for showing me what though love really is, I love you more than ever......Bill.
Gently Mary slips the letter back into the envelope and places it on the mantle piece.
As she does, she can hear Bill pulling up on the driveway. With a smile on her face, she goes to greet him while thinking "I love you too Bill, and it was never tough loving you".
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