As far as words go, some of the most "powerful" (in my view) words consist of very few letters. Take the words "yes' and "no" for instance: in situations where you have made important choices; whether no or yes; imagine having said no instead of yes, and yes instead of no; do you think your life would have turned out differently?
Another "powerful" word in my view, is the word "but".
"Yes I agree, but......., I am sorry, but......., I know I did wrong, but......, I agree it sounds as if xxx, but....., I have no excuse, but....., I hear what you are saying, but....., I shouldn't have said it, but......" etc.
Inserting a "but" directly after an apology, an admission of wrong doing or harsh words, seems to me to "undo" the words that came before the "but", almost as if whatever comes after the "but" is the more important part of the sentence.
In my last year of music studies, all the students were given an appraisal of their efforts and progress. An example: "Student Z is a hard working student, committed to excellence, and so on, and then there's the BUT......but really needs to work on...xxx..... and so on."
The minute I read the "but", whatever praise may have proceeded it, was forgotten/ignored. Logically I understood that it was the facilitator's job to point out the areas that needed improvements, emotionally on the other hand, I felt disheartened.
A few "but" examples: "I love you, but....., I love being with you, but......, You're my best friend but......, I trust you but......., I understand what you mean but......"
Whatever comes after the "but", I have a feeling is probably what most of us will respond emotionally to:
"I love you, but sometimes I don't like how you behave, ....I love being with you, but sometimes I need to do things by myself, ........You're my best friend, but I want to spend time with other friends as well, ........I trust you, but sometimes you do stuff I don't get,... I understand what you mean, but I don't agree with you."
If the outcome that we seek is to communicate our views without hurting or upsetting the other person, then it can perhaps be helpful to omit the "but" and find another way to say what we need to say. "Sometimes you behave in ways that I don't really like and because I love you, I would like to talk to you about it...... Sometimes I need to do things by myself, and because I also love doing things with you, could we come to some arrangement that could facilitate that?.........Because you are my best friend, I want to ask you how you would feel about me spending time with some of my other friends now and then?........Sometimes you do stuff I don't get, and because I trust you, could we talk about those things?.......I think I understand what you mean, and because I don't agree with you, can I tell you how I see things?"
The word "but", some suggests, negates what comes before it, the word "and" on the other hand, does not. When we use the word "and", we acknowledge and stand behind our statement. "I am sorry, and I apologise." "I was wrong, and I apologise." "I hear what you are saying, and I will consider your point of view." I have no excuse for my behaviour, and I take full responsibility for my actions."
What if you are late to an appointment and it was due to traffic, an accident, car trouble, train/bus was late, etc.? Something that actually was not your fault? The fact that you are late remains, however, how about this: "I am sorry I am late, and the reason for this is.....xxx."
Bearing this in mind, I would like to apologise for not posting anything last week, and the reason for this is that I am in the middle of preparing a lot of works for an upcoming exhibition. Here are a few samples:
The exhibition is called: "Cinefiend" and is a tribute to movie poster art,
alas, I have a lot more to paint so I need to dash.
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