Simple is not the same as easy........

(Just for clarification; this is a hand painted poster (by me), not a print. It is made as a tribute to "movie poster art", a wonderfully creative and exciting genre of art in my view.)

 

"Elementary, my dear Watson" said Sherlock Holmes. Well, according to those in the know, Conan Doyle never put those words in Sherlock Holmes mouth. Clive Brook, in the 1929 film "The Return of Sherlock Holmes", acting  as Sherlock, first spoke those words now commonly associated with Sherlock Holmes. Elementary can be defined as: "simple", "basic", and/or "easy".

However, as many of us have probably learnt; simple and easy are not the same thing.

Basket ball? Simple, you've just got to get the ball in the hoop. Easy? Well, unless you are seven foot tall, not so much. Playing the piano? Simple, you've just got to press the black and white keys. Easy?  If you want to play something that can be called music, not so much. Simple; refers to the doing, the process, but "easy" refers to the level or degree of skill necessary to "doing it", which can be anything varying from easy to hard.

Got a habit you want to quit? Simple. Just quit. Easy? Not so much.

Need to tell someone you are sorry? Simple. Just say it. Easy? Not so much.

In a relationship you want to finish? Simple. Just break up. Easy? Not so much.

Want to change jobs? Simple. Just quit. Easy? Not so much.

Many of us probably have aspects in our lives that we would like to change, and although the process may be simple: eat less, drink less, smoke less, talk less, listen more, exercise more, read more, work harder, try harder, etc., none of these things are easy.

From the outside looking in, it can be tempting to make remarks such as: "Why doesn't he/she just leave him/her...it's that simple. Why doesn't he/she just loose some weight....it's that simple. Why doesn't he/she just quit drinking/doing drugs/gambling/etc.....it's that simple. Why doesn't he/she just pull his/her socks up and get on with it....it's that simple."

From the outside, without knowing the many intricacies of a situation, the solution may seem simple, a matter of "just doing it", but for the participants of that situation who knows all the intricacies, nothing about it may seem simple or easy.

(I knew for a long time that my marriage was defunct before I said anything to my partner. The solution was simple: get divorced, the doing of it however, not so easy.)

 

In theory, many things can seem easy, in practicality, not so much. Loosing weight? Simple, just eat less. Easy? Not so much for food lovers. Stop smoking? Simple, just stop. Easy? Not so much for a smoker. Be more sociable? Simple, just be outgoing and friendly. Easy? Not so much for someone with social anxiety. Depressed? Simple, just focus on the positive. Easy? Not so much for someone who suffers with depression.

However, what if the words were changed about: Stop smoking? A simple act, but not easy to do for a smoker. Loose weight? A simple act of eating less, but not easy to do for a food lover, and so on.

Is there something in your life that you would like to change?

You have concluded that the solution is simple: "I want to change....xxx...but the doing of it seems so complex, difficult, and so hard, that I don't know if I can do it."

How can one get started without feeling overwhelmed?

To transform something that seems complicated and hard into something more simple and easier to do, one way that can be helpful, is to make a list of steps to take. Breaking down what needs to be done into smaller, and "easier to do" steps. Example 1: Exercise more:    Step 1: Park the car further away from where you are going  Step 2: Take the stairs instead of the elevator when possible  Step 3: Go for a 15 minute walk whenever the time allows and so on.

Example 2: Be more patient with others     Step 1: Listen carefully   Step 2: Don't jump to conclusions   Step 3: Appreciate other's opinions and so on.

Every climb to the mountaintop begins with a single step,

every masterpiece painting begins with a single brush stroke,

every melody begins with a single note,

every book begins with a single word....

 

Go on, find your first step........



But...a powerful word

 

As far as words go, some of the most "powerful" (in my view) words consist of very few letters. Take the words "yes' and "no" for instance: in situations where you have made important choices; whether no or yes; imagine having said no instead of yes, and yes instead of no; do you think your life would have turned out differently?

Another "powerful" word in my view, is the word "but".

"Yes I agree, but......., I am sorry, but......., I know I did wrong, but......, I agree it sounds as if xxx, but....., I have no excuse, but....., I hear what you are saying, but....., I shouldn't have said it, but......" etc.

Inserting a "but" directly after an apology, an admission of wrong doing or harsh words, seems to me to "undo" the words that came before the "but", almost as if whatever comes after the "but" is the more important part of the sentence.

In my last year of music studies, all the students were given an appraisal of their efforts and progress. An example:  "Student Z is a hard working student, committed to excellence, and so on, and then there's the BUT......but really needs to work on...xxx..... and so on."

The minute I read the "but", whatever praise may have proceeded it, was forgotten/ignored. Logically I understood that it was the facilitator's job to point out the areas that needed improvements, emotionally on the other hand, I felt disheartened.

A few "but" examples: "I love you, but....., I love being with you, but......, You're my best friend but......, I trust you but......., I understand what you mean but......"

Whatever comes after the "but", I have a feeling is probably what most of us will respond emotionally to:

"I love you, but sometimes I don't like how you behave, ....I love being with you, but sometimes I need to do things by myself, ........You're my best friend, but I want to spend time with other friends as well, ........I trust you, but sometimes you do stuff I don't get,... I understand what you mean, but I don't agree with you."

If the outcome that we seek is to communicate our views without hurting or upsetting the other person, then it can perhaps be helpful to omit the "but" and find another way to say what we need to say. "Sometimes you behave in ways that I don't really like and because I love you, I would like to talk to you about it...... Sometimes I need to do things by myself, and because I also love doing things with you, could we come to some arrangement that could facilitate that?.........Because you are my best friend, I want to ask you how you would feel about me spending time with some of my other friends now and then?........Sometimes you do stuff I don't get, and because I trust you, could we talk about those things?.......I think I understand what you mean, and because I don't agree with you, can I tell you how I see things?"

The word "but", some suggests, negates what comes before it, the word "and" on the other hand, does not. When we use the word "and", we acknowledge and stand behind our statement. "I am sorry, and I apologise." "I was wrong, and I apologise." "I hear what you are saying, and I will consider your point of view." I have no excuse for my behaviour, and I take full responsibility for my actions."

What if you are late to an appointment and it was due to traffic, an accident, car trouble, train/bus was late, etc.? Something that actually was not your fault? The fact that you are late remains, however, how about this: "I am sorry I am late, and the reason for this is.....xxx."

Bearing this in mind, I would like to apologise for not posting anything last week, and the reason for this is that I am in the middle of preparing a lot of works for an upcoming exhibition. Here are a few samples:

 

 

The exhibition is called: "Cinefiend" and is a tribute to movie poster art,

alas, I have a lot more to paint so I need to dash.

 

On finding a quiet place............

 

A Quiet Place

 

"Come with me to a quiet place," he said in a calming voice.

"A quiet place?" I thought, "in the midst of all this noise?"

 

"The quiet lives inside of you, always present, always true."

"How do I find it?" I asked, "what do I have to do?"

 

"Slow down your busy mind, and the quiet can be found."

"But Sir", I said, "the world if so noisy, so full of sound."

 

"The quiet resides in the mind,

and what we see and what we hear,

by such, it is not bound."

"With my mind," I then asked, "I can make a choice

when the quiet I want to be found?"

 

"Wherever you go, whatever you do,

you always take your mind with you.

In the midst of a roaring tempest,

 piercing sounds that seem endless,

with the help of your mind,

the quiet still can be found."

 

"But how, kind Sir, do I do it?" I queried,

"with a mind so restless and so often wearied?"

"With your mind's eye, ..try to visualise,

an open space, draped in beautiful light.

Harbour no thoughts of what must or mustn't be done,

events gone by, or events to come.

Just keep your mind on the open field,

forget your wants and forget your needs,

and before you know it, the quiet appears,

 gone are your worries, and gone are your fears."

 

"Now, close your eyes and still your mind,

and let us both, the quiet find."

(Citizen Z)

 

“Quiet is peace. Tranquillity. Quiet is turning down the volume knob on life. Silence is pushing the off button. Shutting it down. All of it." (Khaled Hosseine)