Walk away from the troubles in your life....

Craig David sings in one of his tunes: "I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life, I'm walking away to find a better day."

Why is it so hard at times to walk away from situations, relationships, jobs, et cetera that are no good for us? Here I speak from personal experience; I have at times stayed in a number of very toxic and destructive situations and relationships although they were slowly destroying me. Why did I do it?

Why did I stay in a job that was mind numbing, why did I allow my partner to disrespect me more often than was healthy for my self esteem, why did I find myself saying yes to things I really wanted to say no to, and so on?

My conclusion is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of not being able to pay the bills, fear of being alone, fear of change, fear of not being able to cope. Phew!

Do we perhaps find it hard to walk away because "better the devil you know"?

Living is risky business and although we probably acknowledge that fact, some of us may chose to stick with what we know rather than the unknown, the risky, the uncertain.

There is an old parable; to cook a frog you turn up the heat incrementally that way the frog will not notice that it's slowly being cooked to death, however, sometimes adaptation may not be the best solution.

If a situation/relationship/job is doing us more harm than good, then it may be time to ask ourselves if perhaps we need to walk away. (Having tried all we can think of to sort it out)

When my son was a teenager and started to go out a lot, my staple advice was; if you feel uncomfortable, then leave. Our agreement was that if he felt the need to leave, I would pick him up regardless of when or where which we stuck to all through those tricky years. My aim was to foster the thought that staying in a situation that felt harmful or destructive in anyway, was a choice...just as much as leaving.

When is it time to walk away, of letting go?

A few suggestions:

When staying in the situation/relationship is undermining your self-worth, your sense of integrity and your personal values. When fear of change is the reason that keep you holding on. When you have tried everything you can think of to improve the situation/relationship without any success.

When you tell yourself that everything is okay, but not even you believe that anymore.

Some say that we hang on to toxic relationships and situations because we are afraid that we will not be able to cope with the changes walking away may incur. (Maybe it can be helpful to define for yourself what "not coping" looks like.)

Perhaps we have a never-ending loop of "what if's" running in our mind?

What if I can't find another job, another friend, another person to love and so on, how will I cope?

On the other hand, what if you find a better, more satisfying job, what if you find a new friend with whom you can establish an even greater friendship, what if you meet someone who invokes in you feelings of love you have never before experienced? These things are only possible if we let go and try something different, something new.

"What if's" works both ways, in anticipation of the negative and the positive, it is up to us to choose how we will view the possible outcomes.

The more open we are to the challenge of questioning our thoughts, beliefs and feelings, the more able we will be to cope well with life and its many twists and turns. If we are afraid we will not cope, then perhaps it can be constructive and helpful to ask ourselves why we think we may not cope, bearing in mind the times when we have coped. Learning positive and constructive ways to cope increases our sense of being able to deal with difficulties and challenges in our lives.

Walking away is a hard thing to do and requires much courage and consideration.

If what you are doing is making you sick, unhappy, frustrated, sad, and unfulfilled in spite of having tried everything you can think of to improve it,....then perhaps it is time for you to walk away.

 

"We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own." (Robert Tew)