Denial - our first line of defense?

At times there are events and experiences that occur in a life that are so traumatic that we may initially respond by telling, or convincing, ourselves they are not happening.

Denial may become our first line of defense in order to 'buy" ourselves some time to be able to process that difficult experience/event. In order to be able to avoid a distressing "truth" many of us often use denial as a psychological defense mechanism.

"My pants shrunk, I am the same", I've only had a few drinks, I'm not drunk", "avoiding the issue? nah, I just don't want to talk about it," "old? you're only as old as you feel", et cetera....

Sometimes there are "truths" that are so painful and difficult to deal with that we may find ourselves engaging in risky and harmful behaviours just to keep those "truths" at bay and out of the consciousness. Recognising the harmful effects of denial can be a challenge for some of us and perhaps we only begin to acknowledge them if/when we continuously find ourselves in one bad  situation after the other. Wise folks say: "awareness is the beginning of insight".

I was watching a documentary on people who sought help with losing weight recently and they sought help because they couldn't understand why they kept putting on weight. In their opinion they were doing everything right and it wasn't until it was proved to them that the actual amount of food they ate and what they thought they ate was very in congruent, that they realised that they were in denial.

If there are recurring negative outcomes, chances are that we are involved with some form of denial.

We may even play a part in creating situations with negative/harmful outcomes in order to be able to fool ourselves into thinking that we are in control or without blame.

What does denial look like?

If we are in denial we may dismiss facts, minimise the size of the problem, perhaps even fail to see the problem as a problem in the first place.

Human beings age......but not all of us deal with it the same way. Some have cosmetic surgery, botox injections, lippo suction, buy fabulous new cars, boats, find new friends, lovers, partners. Whatever we may chose to do, the fact remains......human beings age outwardly and inwardly.

I used to love sailing, and through necessity I quickly learned that the best way to deal with heavy winds was to face the boat in the direction of the "eye of the storm". Facing it dead on offered the best and safest outcome. (Although not doing so creates a lot of drama and excitement, it is also very hazardous and may lead to being shipwrecked)

Denial, some say is an unconscious process i.e.; we don't usually decide to be in denial, but some research suggests that perhaps on some level, we may consciously choose denial as a coping strategy.

When dealing with an unexpected traumatic event, we may use denial as way of having some time to process the information, but when we have come to grips with the event, digested it so to speak, a more rational and conducive method will probably better assist us to deal with the event.

Dr. Phil says: "You can't change what you don't acknowledge"..(He has his moments)

Denial can be tempting because it allows us to keep doing what we do without changing inspite of evidence of it being ineffective in affecting more positive outcomes,... after all it is the "road most travelled". Often we cling to denial because of fear; fear of what will happen if we look at that scary "thing" openly and honestly. Sometimes we may chose (consciously or unconsciously) denial because "what can I do, I'm just one person and this is a global problem"?

According to Dr Sanity we engage in denial because by doing so we temporarily protect ourselves from:

"Knowledge (things we don’t want to know)
-Insight or awareness that threatens our self-esteem; or our mental or physical health; or our security (things we don't want to think about)
-Unacceptable feelings (things we don’t want to feel)"

However, to do this involves differing levels of self-delusion and may close our minds to a wider perspective. Events are simply reinterpreted so they fit in with our belief systems regardless of the belief systems of others.

In conversation with a friend the other day we discussed how often we forget to ask ourselves why we do what we do, why we believe what we believe, and why we think the way we do.

Asking ourselves "why" we have the chance of ascertaining whether what we hold to be true is really our own opinion or an adopted one.

Chances are that if you love your children, so do parents in China, Russia, Afghanistan, Tibet, Arnhem land, Sweden, Pakistan, India etc.etc.

If you long for peace, so do many others, if you hurt when someone insults you, so do many others, if you want to be able to express your opinion, so do others, if you value freedom of expression, so do others.....and so on.

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/jdonaldwa183437.html#0HzRpmtQ8jm28cZv.99

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/jdonaldwa183437.html#0HzRpmtQ8jm28cZv.99

"You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously...You will find peace not in denial but in victory."

(J Donald Waters)

Denial is a common tactic that substitutes deliberate ignorance for thoughtful planning
Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/d/denial_quotes.html#ozipyzGwrEBst3w4.99

"Denial is a common tactic that substitutes deliberate ignorance for thoughtful planning."

(Charles Tremper)

In daylight, we do not need a light house to guide our way through treacherous waters, but at night, a beam of light may save us from becoming shipwrecked.

(Interpretation: The more light/insight/aware we are of the workings of our inner selves, the more likely we are to see what lurks under the surface and all around, but if we are travelling in the dark, a beam of insight/light/awareness, can help us find our way through it.)

 

Denial is a common tactic that substitutes deliberate ignorance for thoughtful planning
Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/d/denial_quotes.html#ozipyzGwrEBst3w4.99

Denial does not solve the problem. Denial does not make the problem go away. Denial does not give us peace of mind, which is what we are really seeking when we engage in it. Denial is a liar. It compounds the problem, because it keeps us from seeing a solution, and taking action to resolve it
Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/d/denial_quotes.html#ozipyzGwrEBst3w4.99