What does being "positive" really mean?

When I was going through a particularly difficult time in my life, I was often advised by my friends to be more "positive".

It used to bug me no end, because I couldn't see how just "being positive" would change anything.

In my mind, facts were the way they were regardless of whether I was positive or negative about them.

Actually, trying to be more "positive" seemed to me at that stage like a cop-out, like a pretence and a form of denial. I felt like I was haemorrhaging and people, with the best of intentions, seemed to think a Band-Aid (=slip on a positive attitude) would do the job. (In hindsight, I understand that they were trying to help me perceive my situation from a different perspective.)

What did it mean anyway, to be "positive"? As I saw it, I wasn't being "negative", just plain realistic.

Until I started to question what "realistic" meant, and if it was possible that it too may have a "charge".

A life is full of events and experiences, whether we view those as challenges or opportunities, lessons or hindrances, possibilities or closed doors, depends to a large extent on our outlook.

According to Martin Seligman we have different ways to explain to ourselves why things happen.

If we have an optimistic/positive explanatory style, we tend to view negative/unfavourable events as temporary and atypical, and if we have a pessimistic/negative explanatory style as expected and lasting.

 Abraham Lincoln said: "Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Winston Churchill has this to say: “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Whether one may view oneself as either an optimist or a pessimist, both may still consider themselves as a realists from their perspective.

What are the advantages of being positive/thinking positive/being an optimist?

It has been suggested that positive thinkers rather than dwelling on their frustrations and on things they can't change focus on devising plans and strategies of action for those things they can change, including asking for advice and assistance from others. Negative thinkers, some say, often assume nothing can be done and that they are powerless to affect change.

Suzanne Segerstrom, a positive psychology researcher, writes:

  "Setbacks are inherent to almost every worthwhile human activity, and a number of studies show that optimists are in general both psychologically and physiologically healthier."

By nurturing positive emotions, we may be able to improve our current coping skills and develop new ones.

Some "positive" emotions: empowerment, compassion, connectedness, authenticity, capability, patience, appreciation, beauty, hope, faith, etc.

Although most of us would probably prefer to be experiencing pleasant, positive emotions most of the time, unpleasant/negative ones are just as crucial in assisting us to make sense of the ups and downs of life.

Emotions, whether pleasant or unpleasant assists us in evaluating and making sense of our experiences. If we feel "bad" about something, it is often an indication that it needs our attention.

(Bad/negative emotions: hopelessness, powerlessness, impatience, bitterness, desperation, fear, insecurity, indifference, disconnectedness, etc.)

Standing eye to eye with a lion, you may experience the positive feeling of beauty, but unless the lion is behind bars, your survival may hinge on allowing the negative feeling of fear to

control your actions.

Is it possible to live a life without experiencing negative emotions? Is it possible to be or have a 100% positive outlook at all times? Is it possible to be or have a 100% negative outlook at all times?
Hmmm......personally I doubt it.

Experiencing positive emotions may motivate us to seek for the "silver lining" in difficult situations, to discover other/new options/methods/ behaviours/solutions, but

suffering/fear/pain/insecurity/anger may also motivate us to do/think/behave differently.

Example: "Now when they have cut back my hours at work, I will have more time to cook, read, write, play with the kids, etc."

"The pain in my back is really getting to me, maybe I need to have an x-ray to find out what's causing it?"

Being positive, in my view, is having a positive outlook, and being an optimist is more than a mantra, it is an approach and often involves some kind of activity; it is a choice.

 Being negative, in my view, is having a negative outlook, and being a pessimist often involves inactivity, but is also a choice.

"What's the point, people never change," says the pessimist.

"I believe people can change, all they need is a bit of encouragement," says the optimist.

"Why vote, nothing ever changes," says the pessimist.

"I am going to vote, I believe in change," says the optimist.

"I'll never fall in love again," says the pessimist.

"Love is a constant, only the objects change," says the optimist.

 How we have come to be either an optimist or a pessimist, (or realist)........perhaps matter less than how comfortable and happy we are with our outlook at this present time.

If we are not happy with our outlook, we need to change it.

 “Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” (Mahatma Gandhi)

 

"Choose to be optimistic, it feels better." (The Dalai Lama)