How to get motivated......

 A chat room friend asked me if I felt that there is a "tiredness" in society nowadays, an indifference, a lack of motivation for being bothered about the goings-on in ones society.

This lead me to ponder the subject of motivation. What motivates us? What is motivation?

On a basic level; it is the reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way; the willingness to do something often supported with a level of enthusiasm.

According to some, our motivations are often extrinsically or intrinsically driven. Put another way; external rewards/validations/recognitions from outside of the self, and internal rewards in the form of personal gratification and or satisfaction within the self. Winning  trophies or receiving praise from ones team members, doing charity work, volunteering, et cetera may be viewed as "extrinsically motivated" and learning a new language, how to play an instrument, run a marathon, and so on, may be viewed as "intrinsically motivated".

"Why do you go to the gym?" "Because I want to be healthy and feel good about my body."

"Why do you work 18 hour days?" "Because I want a promotion."

"Why do you work in a soup kitchen?" "Because I want to help others."

"Why do you want to get into politics?" "Because I want things to change'"

"Why did you become a nurse?" "Because being a nurse I get to assist and help others, and doing so, makes me feel good about me."

Perhaps much of what we do, we do for both extrinsic and intrinsic reasons. There may be a problem though if we can find no reason/motivation for doing anything and we conclude: "why bother?"

(Why wash the dishes, they're just gonna get dirty again? Why clean the place, it's just gonna get messy again? Why put any effort in, someone is gonna do it better anyway?)

Watching a documentary on binge drinking among teens, I was struck by the reply from one of the girls when asked why do you binge drink she answered: why not?

For me there is a number of health and safety reasons for why binge drinking would be better avoided, so I have to admit that the girl's answer had my mind working overtime.

Was her motivation for binge drinking the lack of a motivation for not doing so?

Or was there a subconscious motivation? Was it possible that her motivation for binging was to rebel, throw caution to the wind, push the boundaries, to numb her emotions, to do crazy stuff and put it under the rubric: "I was so drunk, I can't remember?"(So I am not responsible)

Is it possible to act/do something, anything, without there being a reason for it, be it conscious or unconscious?

When we say "Why bother?" is our motive for saying so driven by a sense of powerlessness, helplessness, a sense of feeling unable to affect the outcome rather than a lack of motivation?

Bothering about something tends to involve participation of some kind, and that may require effort, and to put effort in, one may need the motivation to do so. Catch 22?

In the view of the information available 24/7 of disasters; natural or human, of murders, accidents, crimes, poverty, starvation, diseases, etc. it may be easy to conclude that bothering is not viable, (like being a flea on the back of a rhinoceros) however, as the Dalai Lama says: Be optimistic, it feels better" perhaps one may also say: "Do something, it feels better than doing nothing".

When we bother we may not always be rewarded (extrinsically) with trophies or money, or status, but when we bother, more often than not, we are intrinsically rewarded.

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." (Francis of Assisi)

"Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”

(Jon Krakauer)
 

We can't outrun pain, suffering, or disappointment,

we can't hide from sadness, fear or sorrow,

all we can do is experience it

and then match it with

hope, joy, beauty,

courage

and

love.

 Why bother? Because it feels better.



 

What does being "positive" really mean?

When I was going through a particularly difficult time in my life, I was often advised by my friends to be more "positive".

It used to bug me no end, because I couldn't see how just "being positive" would change anything.

In my mind, facts were the way they were regardless of whether I was positive or negative about them.

Actually, trying to be more "positive" seemed to me at that stage like a cop-out, like a pretence and a form of denial. I felt like I was haemorrhaging and people, with the best of intentions, seemed to think a Band-Aid (=slip on a positive attitude) would do the job. (In hindsight, I understand that they were trying to help me perceive my situation from a different perspective.)

What did it mean anyway, to be "positive"? As I saw it, I wasn't being "negative", just plain realistic.

Until I started to question what "realistic" meant, and if it was possible that it too may have a "charge".

A life is full of events and experiences, whether we view those as challenges or opportunities, lessons or hindrances, possibilities or closed doors, depends to a large extent on our outlook.

According to Martin Seligman we have different ways to explain to ourselves why things happen.

If we have an optimistic/positive explanatory style, we tend to view negative/unfavourable events as temporary and atypical, and if we have a pessimistic/negative explanatory style as expected and lasting.

 Abraham Lincoln said: "Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Winston Churchill has this to say: “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Whether one may view oneself as either an optimist or a pessimist, both may still consider themselves as a realists from their perspective.

What are the advantages of being positive/thinking positive/being an optimist?

It has been suggested that positive thinkers rather than dwelling on their frustrations and on things they can't change focus on devising plans and strategies of action for those things they can change, including asking for advice and assistance from others. Negative thinkers, some say, often assume nothing can be done and that they are powerless to affect change.

Suzanne Segerstrom, a positive psychology researcher, writes:

  "Setbacks are inherent to almost every worthwhile human activity, and a number of studies show that optimists are in general both psychologically and physiologically healthier."

By nurturing positive emotions, we may be able to improve our current coping skills and develop new ones.

Some "positive" emotions: empowerment, compassion, connectedness, authenticity, capability, patience, appreciation, beauty, hope, faith, etc.

Although most of us would probably prefer to be experiencing pleasant, positive emotions most of the time, unpleasant/negative ones are just as crucial in assisting us to make sense of the ups and downs of life.

Emotions, whether pleasant or unpleasant assists us in evaluating and making sense of our experiences. If we feel "bad" about something, it is often an indication that it needs our attention.

(Bad/negative emotions: hopelessness, powerlessness, impatience, bitterness, desperation, fear, insecurity, indifference, disconnectedness, etc.)

Standing eye to eye with a lion, you may experience the positive feeling of beauty, but unless the lion is behind bars, your survival may hinge on allowing the negative feeling of fear to

control your actions.

Is it possible to live a life without experiencing negative emotions? Is it possible to be or have a 100% positive outlook at all times? Is it possible to be or have a 100% negative outlook at all times?
Hmmm......personally I doubt it.

Experiencing positive emotions may motivate us to seek for the "silver lining" in difficult situations, to discover other/new options/methods/ behaviours/solutions, but

suffering/fear/pain/insecurity/anger may also motivate us to do/think/behave differently.

Example: "Now when they have cut back my hours at work, I will have more time to cook, read, write, play with the kids, etc."

"The pain in my back is really getting to me, maybe I need to have an x-ray to find out what's causing it?"

Being positive, in my view, is having a positive outlook, and being an optimist is more than a mantra, it is an approach and often involves some kind of activity; it is a choice.

 Being negative, in my view, is having a negative outlook, and being a pessimist often involves inactivity, but is also a choice.

"What's the point, people never change," says the pessimist.

"I believe people can change, all they need is a bit of encouragement," says the optimist.

"Why vote, nothing ever changes," says the pessimist.

"I am going to vote, I believe in change," says the optimist.

"I'll never fall in love again," says the pessimist.

"Love is a constant, only the objects change," says the optimist.

 How we have come to be either an optimist or a pessimist, (or realist)........perhaps matter less than how comfortable and happy we are with our outlook at this present time.

If we are not happy with our outlook, we need to change it.

 “Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” (Mahatma Gandhi)

 

"Choose to be optimistic, it feels better." (The Dalai Lama)

 



Why we need artists......

 

Every now and then people ask me to write about something in specific. My latest request comes from my father and is on the subject of art and who really reaps the benefits from the artist's hard labour. (Money, fame, prestige, status, et cetera.)

Does an artist have to be poor, suffering, starving, complicated, difficult, myopic, or perhaps, cut off an ear, to be considered a real artist? Or maybe even die, to become recognised and validated as a "true" artist?

Perhaps a definition of art is a good place to begin: "art is an outer expression of an inner experience." This may be expressed thru architecture, sculpture, music, writing, painting, dance, installation, film, et cetera.

Art can be viewed as a creative human skill, as a communication of the self and the world using a myriad of different expressions to do so.

Some quotes: "

"Art is not, as the meta physicians say, the manifestation of some mysterious idea of beauty or God; it is not, as the aesthetical physiologists say, a game in which man lets off his excess of stored-up energy; it is not the expression of man’s emotions by external signs; it is not the production of pleasing objects; and, above all, it is not pleasure; but it is a means of union among men, joining them together in the same feelings, and indispensable for the life and progress toward well-being of individuals and of humanity." (Leo Tolstoy)

"Above all, artists must not be only in art galleries or museums — they must be present in all possible activities. The artist must be the sponsor of thought in whatever endeavour people take on, at every level." (Michelangelo Pistoletto)

How important are artists to society?

Can we do without them? Some may say: "no problem", others may say: "meh, artists are such tricky creatures, but perhaps some of them may be good to keep?" Some of us, on the other hand, may consider artists to be offering: Inspiration, helping us to view humanity through many different perspectives, allowing us to have moments of transcending the physical and experience the meta-physical, to offer metaphors for the human experience, to help us connect with our inner experiences, and to record how each new generation views life and living it.

In my view, there is a paradox at work in regards to art. Being an artist is often regarded as not doing a "real" job, yet millions of dollars are spent in the pursuit of acquiring "gold plated" (=the "brand" must seem to the consumer more than the thing itself) works. Van Gogh died a poor man, yet today his works are sold for six figures. Mozart was buried a pauper in a mass grave, yet his music is often performed in highly prestigious spaces (and at times for hundreds of dollars a ticket).

There are numerous examples of artists who dedicated their lives to their artistic expression without much recognition, validation or monetary rewards. There still are.

How is it that to be an artist can be viewed as not being a "real" job yet at the same time many are willing to spend "real" money on acquiring items made by an artist? (Gold-plated artists usually)

What is the "real" value of a first edition "Superman" comic book, a sculpture by Alberto Giacometti, a painting by Vincent Van Gogh, an original hand written piece of sheet music written by Ludwig Van Beethoven, a first hand drawn draft by Frank Lloyd Wright, a hand written original script by Shakespeare, an original reel of "To Kill a Mockingbird" and so on?

For many of us, perhaps art seems to be of little consequence, especially compared to science, the economy, environmental issues, manufacturing, the medical areas, politics, and so on, however, if we dig a little deeper, we may find that often some form of "artistic" expression has been used to concretize ideas. Graphs, diagrams, sketches, drawings, photos, models, writers, lyricists, musicians, make-up artists, special effects artists, conceptual artists, etc. are often used for such purposes.

What would the advertising business be without artists, and is not advertising potentially one of the most powerful tools for the promotion of consumerism?

And consumerism, is that not one of the cornerstones of most societies today?

Thing is, to buy a Van Gogh painting will today cost you millions of dollars, to buy one of mine, a few hundreds.  But when Van Gogh was alive, nobody was really interested in buying any of his paintings, so his life was one of poverty, suffering and unpaid hard work. His work was not viewed as a "good" investment, it was just pigments on a canvas, however, today, he is recognised as one of the greatest painters who ever lived and a very (!) good investment.... What he painted stays the same, but how it is assessed, has changed.

Whether we think of it in these terms or not, may I suggest that art in the form of one expression or another, touches most of us everyday be it thru watching television, going to a movie theatre, listening to music on an iPod/iThingy and or radio, reading the comics in a news paper, reading the newspaper, surfing the net, writing emails, taking photos with the cell/mobile phone, downloading, playing video games, reading a book, and so on. Behind all those, someone used his/her imagination (artistic expression) and concretized it so that we can now all enjoy it.

Perhaps it is time to start calling being an artist...a real job? After all, when one thinks of it, are not most eras defined by its art as well as its other human endeavours?

 

"We can introspect on the role of art in our own lives and on how much we feel we need it.......... Art-and indeed all the traditional forms of art, including story-telling, poetry and song; music and dance; drawing and sculpture-exist in every human culture. And there is economic evidence, too: the amount of money people spend to acquire and experience art."

(Ayn Rand) 

 

What do you need? Wanting and needing may be far apart......

As an artist, I am often asked if I do nudes. To which my answer is; not really.

Is there a difference between naked or nude?

I believe so. To be nude is to be unclothed but to be naked is to be unclothed and vulnerable.

This image I classify as a nude, because the stance of this woman indicates to me that she does not feel vulnerable, rather, the opposite.

According to some statistics, there are millions of people with eating disorders ranging from compulsive over eating to hardly eating anything at all.

(Some stats from WHO on overweight and obesity: Globally, around 35% of adults aged 20 and over were overweight in 2008. Globally, around 12% of adults aged 20 and over were obese in 2008.)

What is happening to us? While millions upon millions of people die from not enough food, others die from too much food. 

When I was living in the UK for a few years, I became friends with someone who called herself a "food addict". I had never come across the term before, so when she called me one afternoon and asked if I could come and speak with her because her food addiction was out of control, I was perplexed. Granted she was not a what I would call a "skinny" build, but in my view and considering that she had two very young children, she was still in the process of "getting back to normal".

"What do you mean with food addict?" I asked her.

"I can't seem to stop craving food," she answered. She continued with explaining to me how she would eat packet after packet of biscuits, cakes, muffins, etc. even at times frozen "sweet" foods straight out of the freezer. She was beside herself with shame, guilt and self-loathing.

"I do this behind every ones back, my husband doesn't know and neither does my parents", she explained. "Why, do you think you have this need to eat all the time?" I asked.

"I don't know, I don't know!!" my friend answered and began to quietly cry.

I asked her if you could describe what it was like for her growing up, was she over weight as a child, was she rewarded with food if she was upset, did she have any siblings with similar problems, when did she first begin to think of her eating habit as a food addiction and so on.

As we were talking about how food was treated in her home, she realised that food was used as cure-all-that ails-you solution. To cut a long story short; when ever she felt the urge to binge, she would phone me instead and we would talk about what/how she was feeling.

According to statistics, over-eating and other eating disorders, affects more and more people. (There are many sites)

Behind many compulsive behaviours, there is an unmet need. According to Wikipedia: "Compulsive behaviours are a need to reduce apprehension caused by internal feelings a person wants to abstain or control."

At times exactly what those needs are however, may be difficult to specify. Abraham Maslow suggests: A) physiological needs= basic survival needs such as food, shelter, air and water, B) security needs= feeling safe in ones environment, having work etc. C) social needs= belonging, friendship, love, affection D) esteem needs=  self-esteem, personal worth, social recognition, accomplishment E) Self-actualisation= self-awareness, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others, and interested fulfilling their potential.

My friend used food as a way of self-soothing, others of us may use/choose alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, and so on, thing is, what may originally be a momentary coping strategy, can easily become a habit with a whole new set of "needs" to be catered for.

No matter how many cookies my friend ate, it did not fill her need for self-acceptance or self-worth.

If you drink alcohol because it numbs your feelings of loneliness, perhaps it may be worth your while to consider another coping strategy that is emphatically connected to what you are feeling and needing and brings new friends into your life.

If you gamble because it brings feelings of excitement into your life, perhaps it may be worth your while to consider if there are other activities that can bring feelings of excitement into your life and or perhaps enquire why you feel there is a lack of excitement.

If you have a constant need for shopping, perhaps it may be worth your while to consider if perhaps shopping is a momentary solution to an underlying feeling of lack of substance in your life.

Understanding what our underlying unmet needs are may help us find coping strategies that enrich our lives rather than exponentially deplete them.

When my friend realised that she was trying to satisfy her "hunger" (need) for self-acceptance and feelings of self-worth with food, she also realised that there was not enough food in all the world to fill that need.

The "food" she needed, she decided, was to stop talking negatively to herself, to stop comparing herself with others, to acknowledge the positives, to be assertive, to have some fun, to take time out to enjoy her own company and to focus on the now.

 

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”  

(Gautama Buddha)

 

“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalised and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”  

(Michael J. Fox)

 

In search of morality and a moral code......

Father McKenzie sighs. "What's the use" he mutters to himself, "it's not like anyone is going to hear this sermon". Slowly he closes his well used Bible and takes off his glasses. For a moment he just sits there breathing slowly and evenly. He shuts his eyes and listens to the city. "All the lonely people, where do they all belong?" he asks no one. Finally he stands up, puts his things in a plastic bag then grabs his coat. Carefully he turns off the lights and walks up the stairs to the nave.

He still loves spending a few minutes each night before he goes home in silent contemplation, just sitting there in one of the pews. The church smells of candle wax and matured wood. He inhales the familiar smell and leans back. "Help," a voice barely more than a whisper from the front pew.

"Hello, anyone here?" Father McKenzie asks as he slowly walks to the front of the church.

"Help me please" pleads the voice.

Father McKenzie hurries up the chancel to the altar. Behind it he finds a young woman. She is curled up in pain, her body is shaking and Father McKenzie realises that she is barely alive.

"My dear child, what has happened to you?" He kneels next to the woman and gently lifts her into his arms.

"We need to get you to a doctor immediately, just rest dear child," he comforts the young woman as he hurries to his office with her in his arms. "911? Please, we need some help right away!!!"

Father McKenzie puts down the receiver and gently lowers the hurt woman on to the well-worn-

 hand-me-down couch in his office. From the cupboard he grabs a woollen blanket, covers her body with it then sits down next to her with her hand in his and quietly prays for her while he waits for help to arrive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What if this woman would have dragged herself inside a coffee shop, restaurant, post office, pub, club, news agency, et cetera?

What would be our first response I wonder. Is there a "moral" knee jerk reaction to want to know why someone needs our help before we ask how we can help?

Is our sense of morality changing, or is morality dependent on the Zeitgeist of our times?

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they allow disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children now are tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannise their teachers.” Sound familiar? These words were spoken by Socrates and he died in 469 BC.

So what are morals? According to The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy:

"descriptively refer to some codes of conduct put forward by a society or,

some other group, such as a religion, or

accepted by an individual for her own behaviour or

normatively to refer to a code of conduct that, given specified conditions, would be put forward by all rational persons." (According to some, morality can not be defined, only be acted out.)

Some may say: "Easy, morality is doing what's right for most people."

Well, there is a problem with that, because apart from the idea that harming others is morally wrong in almost all societies, ........ morality can differ quite a bit from society to society; which means that your "right" may be my wrong and so forth.  

Laws are often evaluated on moral grounds, however, in difference to morality, a legal system has explicit written rules and penalties, and with it officials who interpret the laws(rules) and apply penalties. Failing to live up to a society's moral standards on the other hand, does not necessarily involve any punishment. As in, although perhaps morally reprehensible, stealing your friend's car will probably have legal consequences, but "stealing" your friend's girlfriend will not.

The more I researched the concept of "morality" the more confusing it became.

I didn't seem to be able to find a unified "code of morals" yet there seem to be an intuitive sense of such in most of us, I mean, how else could we function together at all?

Perhaps there are some notions such as: do no harm, be honest, accept a duty of care, accepting responsibility for ones actions and consequences of those actions, honour and respect agreements made, treat all relationships with integrity, and so on that could be viewed as belonging in a "code of morals"?

Could be that one of the most important aspects of morality is that we each recognise our own moral values and can define them clearly to ourselves regardless of what the moral "Zeitgeist" of our time says.

Upon writing this I realise that I forgot to include "compassion" in my suggest code of morals.

A definition of compassion from the Free Online Dictionary: "Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it"

The Dalai Lama puts it this way:

"The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes. Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. This helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the ultimate source of success in life."

If you like me at times suffer with a knee jerk reaction to want to know why someone needs help rather than asking how you can help, perhaps we may both do well to remember the Dalai Lama's words........"The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. It results from the profound interdependence we all share with one another."