Finally, .....it's all quiet. Molly stays where she is. Last time she crawled out from her hiding place too early, so her head case of a mother got a few more in. Molly hugs her teddy bear closer to her chest. "Don't be afraid Huggy, I'll protect you," she whispers.
He knows he shouldn't, cause it's wrong, but what is he supposed to do... they need food. They haven't had anything to eat for days, except for a few dry biscuit's. Martin keeps his head down, hands in pockets. Mrs. Jones is busy chatting away with old Nathan. Martin quickly grabs a bag of oats. He doesn't care what he takes, as long as it is edible.....that is if he can swallow anything after his dad nearly strangled him last night.
Leslie looks in the mirror. He really did it this time. Half her face is black and blue, and her left eye won't even open. A tear tries to force it's way through the swollen, bruised, and blood covered eyelid. Leslie let's out an almost soundless sigh,....then picks up a tube of make-up and start to cover up her husband's multitude of statements made with a closed fist.
Gloria waits for the front door to close. She has been playing "possum". "He means well, but that temper of his is really getting the better of him," she mutters to herself. When she was younger, she used to think that his angry outbursts were just a phase, but now in her 70's.....she is finally accepting that her son is a bully.
Lenny parks the car. "What the hell do you think you're doing, you old fool, that's my spot!!!!" the man yells at him. "Didn't you see my indicator flashing !!!!" Lenny looks at then man, sees his anger, and decides to move his car.
"How do you expect to win when you're playing like losers!!!", coach Robinson yells at the girls. "How many times have I told you to pass the ball, not study it!!!" In a fit of anger the coach throws one of the chairs across the change room.
People get angry, we get angry, anger is a common human emotion; perhaps one may say that "anger is an emotion with a wide range of intensity
What are some situations that may trigger anger: threats (perceived or otherwise) to ourselves or and loved ones, verbal abuse, disrespect, disappointment, feeling ignored, feeling powerless, tiredness, pain, worry, feeling "stepped on", anxiety, alcohol, frustration, and so on. (Insert here your own reasons for feeling angry at times) If a dog/cat feels threatened they display an aggressive behaviour, a mother protecting her offspring may also display an aggressive behaviour; aggression is the behaviour and anger the emotion. Some of us may find it difficult to express intensive feelings, we may subconsciously release them in smaller portions through a "negative" attitude; being overly critical, cynical, and sarcastic. Some have suggested that depression is anger unexpressed. "So what, I get angry...what's wrong with that, it's a perfectly natural emotion," you may say, "it’s a natural response to threats and attacks, injustice and disappointment."
Thing is, if it is a response to an actual and not a perceived threat (someone is trying to brake in to your house while you are in it), anger may help mobilise you into protection mode, but what if when you go to confront the intruder; baseball bat in hand; you discover that it is your teenage son trying to sneak in after hours? The body is ready for battle, your adrenalin levels through the roof, but it's false alarm......What would you do?
For some of us who internalise our more intense emotions, anger can become a secondary response to feeling lonely, disappointed, sad, and scared. Example: Your partner is unexpectedly late, you can't reach him/her. Three hours late, he/she walks through the door. What is your first response? Someone else is given the credit for something you did; do you set them straight or do you say nothing but seethe inside? (Anger, although it destabilises our peace of mind serves us by invalidating whoever/whatever led us to feel invalidated and our need for emotional security is once again stabilised.)
When we get angry we often: raise our voice, take a threatening stance, stare,
"fist-pump", "fluff our feathers like a peacock", attempt to "stand over". Anger in the face of a (real/actual) physical threat may be the most appropriate emotional response, but is someone stepping in front of us in a line, changing lanes precariously, "looking at us funny", rudeness, impoliteness, having a toothache (or any other kind of ache), being over-tired, stressed out, et cetera, deserving of a "fight" response?
If we find ourselves feeling angry a lot of the time, perhaps we may ask ourselves if there is some other underlying emotion, or emotions, expressing themselves as anger and or aggressive behaviour? Such as perhaps feeling ignored, guilty, rejected, powerless, devalued, invalidated, and unloved? Perhaps we may need to ask ourselves (if we have a lot of anger in our life), what is my anger enabling, protecting against, and or symptomatic of?
Is my anger just the tip of an "iceberg of emotions"? Am I angry or sad? Am I angry or lonely? Am I angry because I am sad and lonely?
Let me suggest a few tips on how to respond with less anger: "press pause" = take a time-out...,when you are calm, state your concerns, think before you speak, instead of focusing on the problem consider possible solutions, take responsibility for your own emotions; I feel...rather than you make me....., let it go without holding a grudge, use some self-soothing; take it easy, relax, say the word "calm" repeatedly out loud, release inner pressure through some physical exercise.....
and give yourself a pat on the back every time you find a way to express your feelings in a clear, and non-aggressive way.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." (Buddha)
"When anger rises, think of the consequences." (Confucius)
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