Faith is just imagination or is it reason grown coureageous?

This post is NOT about religious faith.

 

What is faith?

Some suggestions: Complete trust and or confidence in something or someone or/and a strong belief in a "higher power"/GOD/the unknowable/etc. and/or belief based on an inner "assurance" more so than what is commonly termed "proof" or facts. 

A person may have faith in a football team, his/her abilities, the future, technology, God, progress, Science, and so on.

Often we use the term believe; I believe in love, I believe in the law, I believe in equality, et cetera which leads me to wonder if faith is possible without belief, or belief without faith.

Belief, trust, faith, and hope often seem to mingle, one substituting for the other.

To have faith in something can have religious underpinnings but not necessarily so, and this post is not about religious faith, rather faith in general.....as a choice, as an attitude, as an outlook on life.

When I looked up a number of definitions of the word "faith", I came across variants of : "belief not based on proof"

Is there faith/belief based on proof?

Isn't that just plain ol' knowing?

Is not having faith in something, or believing in something, the very antonym of knowing? Like "seeing" something as actual although there is no physical/factual evidence for it?

Let me ask you; what is your motto?: Believing is seeing, or I believe it when I see it?

Now here's an interesting aspect of faith and believing; it seems to be about the future, not so much the past or the present.

For some of us faith is an enemy of reason, the absence of reason, something for the feeble and weak-minded, something a rational and reasonable person excludes in favour of a scientific approach, put bluntly: faith is just imagination, a crutch.

Another approach.

Reasonable expectation? We expect. We expect the sun and the moon, gravity and the rotation of earth to behave according to our calculations.

We have used logic and reason to make an uncertain and mysterious universe into an assortment of algorithms and predictable mathematical equations. As our knowledge of "everything" expands, mystery shrinks. Nothing mysterious about love; it's just a brain-thing, nothing mysterious about the brain, its just a neurology-thing, nothing mysterious about

death, its just an end-thing. Nothing mysterious about faith, its just an imagination-thing. 

In general, a number of us take a lot on "face-value"; we expect certain predictable outcomes. In the olden days, we may have said a few prayers to the Sun God or some such to reassure ourselves of a good crop, today we study weather maps. In the olden days we may have looked at the heavens in awe, today we study astronomical charts.

So, in today's world, does anybody really need faith?

Will there be a time when we "know" everything, and if so, will faith be superfluous?

People buy lottery tickets. The statistics for winning the lottery is minimal, yet knowing this, we still buy tickets.

So what if its 1/6.000.000? Although the possibility of winning is very slim, there is a sliver of possibility and that possibility, offers faith.(Why else buy a ticket?)

We have children although knowing of all the possibilities for things going wrong, we fall in love although statistics are appalling in the sense of having happy and long lasting relationships. We buy stocks and shares, although the prices fluctuate constantly, we drive cars although there are thousands of fatalities in traffic daily across the globe, some of us go to church, synagogue, temple, etc. although Nietzsche and many others have told us that God is dead,.......Actually, come to think of it.........we do a lot of things that require certain amounts of faith.

Or is that "reasonable expectations"?

If you invite someone over for a meal, do you expect him/her to show up, or do you have faith that he/she will?

If someone you love tells you he/she loves you, do you expect him/her to be telling the truth, or do you have faith that he/she is?

Expectation, reasonable or not, in my opinion seem to have a certain "ownership" quality to it, like there is a hidden "therefore" in the word. ( "This is the data and therefore I expect this outcome". On the other hand, when we buy a lottery ticket, we don't expect to win, but we hope we will.)

Is it possible that the core of faith is hope?

And rather than "therefore"  hidden in the word "expect", the word hidden in faith  is "hoped-for"?

"I expect you to..." or "I have faith in you" ring very different bells.

Do we really need faith?

Let me answer with another question; can mankind survive without it?

Although "knowing" offers a sense of safety, security, and predictability, is it conducive to innovation, inspiration, exploration, investigation, imagination, creation, cooperation, admiration, observation?

Faith, is seeing the possibility of walking on the moon while standing firmly on earth.

 

"Faith is not something to grasp, it is something to grow into". (Gandhi)

"Faith is taking the first steps although you don't see the whole staircase".

(Martin Luther King Jr.)

"Faith is reason grown courageous." (Sherwood Eddy)

"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible."

 (St. Thomas Aquinas)

"Faith is believing that the outcome will be what it should be, no matter what it is." (Colette Baron-Reid)

 

Helping others will make you feel better about yourself?

 

Many of us have grown up familiar with the term "the good Samaritan", but for those unfamiliar with it; a definition:

a parable/story which recounts the assistance given by a Samaritan traveller to an injured and robbed man (stranger) in spite of their conflicting religious and ethnic backgrounds. (From the new testament in the Bible)

The phrase "good Samaritan" is commonly known to mean someone who helps a stranger.

According to an experiment conducted on altruistic behaviour by Darley and Batson, a major explanation for people failing to stop and help someone in distress is dependent on how obsessed with time they are; being so concerned with their own world that at times someone in need of assistance may unwittingly become virtually "invisible" to them.

How quick are we to help others? What is the "altruistic (altruism=unselfish regard for the welfare of others) temperature" in today's society?

Put another way; how much do we care about/for others?

Albert Einstein: "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us "universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest --- a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal decisions and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty."

When was the last time we did something for someone else just because....

..............................we could, they needed us to, we wanted to?

 When we see someone in need, are we able to "see" without attaching moral judgement?

Should compassion be "earned"?

Is it harder to feel compassion for someone we think are not trying to help themselves?

 

"It took years before I realised that a friend of mine didn't come for visits just to "hang-out", but to "dry-out".

I ignored that he reeked of alcohol when I picked him up at the airport, I stayed calm when he raged against the failing music industry, I turned up the music when he was throwing up in the washroom, I gave him painkillers when he sat on the couch shivering and holding his head, and I listened for hours when he spoke of his heart disintegrating by the thoughtlessness of his beloved.

After a couple of days, he perked up. "Let's write some music together, like in the old days", he said.

It never happened.

Instead he went to the bottle shop and bought a casket of cheap wine. "Why are you drinking again Sam, you were only just starting to feel better", I asked. "Because I want to", he answered. I realised then that what may have once been a matter of choice no longer was one and that Sam's drinking had become a medical issue.  After five days I told Sam he had to leave, I could no longer cope with his loudness, anger, his continuous sarcasm and vitriol. We drove to the airport in silence. As I handed him his bag I said: "I really care about you Sam, but I can't cope with your drinking anymore. You are welcome to come and hang-out with me at my place, but you have to be sober to do so".

Sam looked at me and said: "Nah", flung the bag over his shoulder and vanished into the airport. I never heard or saw him again."

The interesting thing with helping others is that when we do, we feel better about ourselves. Although the therapeutic benefits of helping others have probably been recognised by us most of us for a long time, the concept was first formalised by Frank Riessman in an article published in "Social Work" in 1965 and as Darwin pointed out, "sympathy is evolutionarily advantageous because it is the basis of the altruism and pro-social helping that allows any tribe or group to flourish and survive".

So if we feel good about ourselves when we help others, is it not a selfish rather than un-selfish act?

Perhaps it doesn't have to be classified?

If we give/help without making a big deal about it, if we seek no acknowledgement for our act of charity/helping/giving, if we give/help because it is against our nature not to do so, perhaps its an un-selfish selfish act? :)

The Good Samaritan, so the story goes, did not care about the injured man's religious beliefs, his ethnicity; he cared for the human being and did what he could to ease the suffering.

 

"Even the smallest act of caring for another person is like a drop of water -it will make ripples throughout the entire pond...”
    (Jessy and Bryan Matteo)

 

Love is blind; but it makes you see the blind man; teetering on the roadside . . .”
(Martin Amis )

 

(In Europe and other countries, such as Australia (founded on English Common Law) there is something called "The Good Samaritan Law" which basically means that one has a moral obligation to help when one sees someone in trouble. In the United States it is not ones duty to rescue someone in trouble, but interesting to note is that in the series finale of Seinfeld (American sitcom) the shows four main characters were all prosecuted and sentenced to one year in jail for making fun of, rather than helping an overweight man who was being robbed at gunpoint.)

 

Love is a high wire act without a balancing pole

 

A friend has asked me to write a post on love (assuming he meant "romantic" love), which in my view is similar to trying to dance a painting. However, I will try, but let me post a disclaimer right up front: "Love is a mystery to me, a never ending maze, an enigma, but also the code of life". Erich Fromm writes in "The Art of Loving": "Love for life, far from being an abstraction, is the most concrete nucleus in any kind of love. Anyone who believes he loves a person, but does not love life also, may desire, want, cling to a person - but he does not love him."

I decided to ask friends to share with me what love is to them.

"What about her do you love?" I asked my friend. "Her illuminating joy and beautiful intelligence," he answered.

Another described it: "Love is total acceptance of another without any expectations from them."

A friend of my son answered: "I am not sure, I don't think I have ever felt that my love has been fully reciprocated."

I read somewhere that "falling in love is the temporary collapse of a person's ego-barriers".

Is seeking love, the seeking to transcend ones ego and connect with another human being?

What happens when we "fall in love",  and why is it termed "falling"?

"I couldn't help it, I just fell in love." Does it happen to us, like an accident? We "tripped" into love?

In collective societies, an individuals identity is tied to his/her social group, in individualistic societies the individuals identity is paramount. Arranged marriage's versus the individuals personal choice. Love growing from and out of, or because of intense feelings of having fallen in love..........

Growing into love, or falling in love? Or both?

"I do love him/her, but not madly, passionately, rather sincerely, and dearly." "Man, I love her so much I can't eat, I can't sleep, all I do is think of her."

The more research I did, the more the subject of "need" appeared.  Pop music for instance, is saturated with the lyrics: "I love you, I want you, I need you." What part does "need" play in loving? A "need" may be defined as something necessary for organisms to live a healthy life. We need oxygen, water and food, we need safety, stability, we need to belong and to be loved, we need respect, dignity and a sense of achievement, and we need to fulfill our potential and to be the "best" we can be.

Is "needing" someone perhaps more about the self, and "loving" about the "other"?

How do we ascertain whether what we feel is love or attachment based on needs?

A few suggestions to help identify feelings based on needs:  Am I expecting my beloved to be flawless/perfect?

Do I love him/her because he/she "ticks all the right boxes"? Do my feelings of love fluctuate between exhilaration and despair?

When I am not with him/her do I feel anxious, jealous, fearful? Is my love dependent on how much my beloved fulfills my desires? Do I love him/her for who he/she is or my idea of him/her? Do I seek constant confirmation from my beloved?

Many of us may see the problem of love as primarily being a problem of being loved rather than our own capacity for loving; loving is easy/simple, finding the right one.....that is hard.

To increase our "lovability" perhaps we try to acquire "assets" to make ourselves more "lovable".

If I have more money, a better physique, the "right" clothes, speak eloquently, know the "right" people, et cetera, I will become more "attractive", more of an asset; more lovable.

Do we fall in love when we feel we have found the best person available to us considering our own "exchange" value? (What assets do I offer?)

Perhaps at this point you are thinking; "Come on now, it's all very simple, your heart tells you when you love someone. You either feel you love him/her or you don't." Thing is, we often use the word "love" to describe an array of strong emotions/feelings, often we just use "love" as an umbrella term. Do we really love our car, the movie we just viewed, the new i-thingy, pizza, the sports team, etc. etc.? If we do love those things, how is that love different from the love we feel for our partner?

Do perhaps some of us consider "falling in love" as a cure for feeling separate, for loneliness, and alienation (an aspect of the human condition)? After all, the initial rush, sense of excitement, euphoria, and increased feeling of well-being that often accompany "falling in love" is amazing! The transformation of a stranger into becoming the "beloved", from being separate to being part of a union; an exclusive "us"; is so powerful and emotionally charged that writers, poets, painters, sculptors, musicians, and the rest of us may find ourselves "wax lyrical".....

Of course the flip side is that if we can "fall" in love, perhaps we can also "fall" out of love?

Some suggest that we can only sustain such a blissful state for six to thirty months and what we are really seeking is a "self sustaining" love, not romance. The passion of romance is often directed at our own notions, projections, fantasies, and expectations, and not so much about our love for another person, but rather that of ourselves. (If you love me so much, perhaps I am lovable after all, you make me feel..., when I am with you I feel....) Having said this I will add; I believe that love (of any kind) awakens the ego to the existence of something outside of itself.

It seems to me that we love someone when we care more about the other as he/she is, rather than who we think they should become, when we reveal ourselves honestly and vulnerably just as we offer the same for the other. We love someone when we act with patience, resilience, compassion, forgiveness, attention and with a whole hearted commitment to their well being.

Perhaps we "fall" in love but we choose to stay with love.

 

“For the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth - that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.” (Viktor Frankl)

"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, still only flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love become as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable."

(Bruce Lee)

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."

(Mother Teresa)

Anger, and what it hides.....

Finally, .....it's all quiet. Molly stays where she is. Last time she crawled out from her hiding place too early, so her head case of a mother got a few more in. Molly hugs her teddy bear closer to her chest. "Don't be afraid Huggy, I'll protect you," she whispers.

He knows he shouldn't, cause it's wrong, but what is he supposed to do... they need food. They haven't had anything to eat for days, except for a few dry biscuit's. Martin keeps his head down, hands in pockets. Mrs. Jones is busy chatting away with old Nathan. Martin quickly grabs a bag of oats. He doesn't care what he takes, as long as it is edible.....that is if he can swallow anything after his dad nearly strangled him last night.

Leslie looks in the mirror. He really did it this time. Half her face is black and blue, and her left eye won't even open. A tear tries to force it's way through the swollen, bruised, and blood covered eyelid. Leslie let's out an almost soundless sigh,....then picks up a tube of make-up and start to cover up her husband's multitude of statements made with a closed fist.

Gloria waits for the front door to close. She has been playing "possum". "He means well, but that temper of his is really getting the better of him," she mutters to herself. When she was younger, she used to think that his angry outbursts were just a phase, but now in her 70's.....she is finally accepting that her son is a bully.

Lenny parks the car. "What the hell do you think you're doing, you old fool, that's my spot!!!!" the man yells at him. "Didn't you see my indicator flashing !!!!" Lenny looks at then man, sees his anger, and decides to move his car.

"How do you expect to win when you're playing like losers!!!", coach Robinson yells at the girls. "How many times have I told you to pass the ball, not study it!!!" In a fit of anger the coach throws one of the chairs across the change room.

 

People get angry, we get angry, anger is a common human emotion; perhaps one may say that "anger is an emotion with a wide range of intensity, from mild irritation to frustration and rage." Why do we get angry, and what happens in us when we feel angry? To begin with, how we interpret a situation affect our feelings about that situation. When we get angry, our mind and body is preparing for "battle". The nervous system is aroused, there is an increase in heart rate, blood flow, blood pressure, and blood sugar levels. We produce more adrenaline, hormones, and our senses are sharpened.

What are some situations that may trigger anger: threats (perceived or otherwise) to ourselves or and loved ones, verbal abuse, disrespect, disappointment, feeling ignored, feeling powerless, tiredness, pain, worry, feeling "stepped on", anxiety, alcohol, frustration, and so on. (Insert here your own reasons for feeling angry at times) If a dog/cat feels threatened they display an aggressive behaviour, a mother protecting her offspring may also display an aggressive behaviour; aggression is the behaviour and anger the emotion.  Some of us may find it difficult to express intensive feelings, we may subconsciously release them in smaller portions through a  "negative" attitude; being overly critical, cynical, and sarcastic. Some have suggested that depression is anger unexpressed.  "So what, I get angry...what's wrong with that, it's a perfectly natural emotion," you may say,  "it’s a natural response to threats and attacks, injustice and disappointment."

Thing is, if it is a response to an actual and not a perceived threat (someone is trying to brake in to your house while you are in it), anger may help mobilise you into protection mode, but what if when you go to confront the intruder; baseball bat in hand; you discover that it is your teenage son trying to sneak in after hours? The body is ready for battle, your adrenalin levels through the roof, but it's false alarm......What would you do?

For some of us who internalise our more intense emotions, anger can become a secondary response to feeling lonely, disappointed, sad, and scared. Example: Your partner is unexpectedly late, you can't reach him/her. Three hours late, he/she walks through the door. What is your first response? Someone else is given the credit for something you did; do you set them straight or do you say nothing but seethe inside?  (Anger, although it destabilises our peace of mind serves us by invalidating whoever/whatever led us to feel invalidated and our need for emotional security is once again stabilised.)

                             When we get angry we often: raise our voice, take a threatening stance, stare,

"fist-pump", "fluff our feathers like a peacock", attempt to "stand over". Anger in the face of a (real/actual) physical threat may be the most appropriate emotional response, but is someone stepping in front of us in a line, changing lanes precariously, "looking at us funny", rudeness, impoliteness, having a toothache (or any other kind of ache), being over-tired, stressed out, et cetera, deserving of a "fight" response? 

If we find ourselves feeling angry a lot of the time, perhaps we may ask ourselves if there is some other underlying emotion, or emotions, expressing themselves as anger and or aggressive behaviour?  Such as perhaps feeling ignored, guilty, rejected, powerless, devalued, invalidated, and unloved? Perhaps we may need to ask ourselves (if we have a lot of anger in our life), what is my anger enabling, protecting against, and or symptomatic of?

Is my anger just the tip of an "iceberg of emotions"?  Am I angry or sad? Am I angry or lonely? Am I angry because I am sad and lonely?

Let me suggest a few tips on how to respond with less anger: "press pause" = take a time-out...,when you are calm, state your concerns, think before you speak, instead of focusing on the problem consider possible solutions, take responsibility for your own emotions; I feel...rather than you make me....., let it go without holding a grudge, use some self-soothing; take it easy, relax, say the word "calm" repeatedly out loud, release inner pressure through some physical exercise.....

and give yourself a pat on the back every time you find a way to express your feelings in a clear, and non-aggressive way.

 

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." (Buddha)  

"When anger rises, think of the consequences." (Confucius)