It takes a childlike mindset to be an adult........

One of my favourite tunes of all time is a tune called

''A Child is born" composed by Thad Jones.

It's a very mellow and beautifully constructed piece of

music and I used to love playing it.

Originally it was an instrumental piece but after Alec Wilder

heard it performed by the Thad Jones-Mel Lewis Orchestra,

he felt compelled to put lyrics to it.

(Tony Bennet does a wonderful rendition of it.)

Though I left Sweden many years ago, the other day a Swedish

song about children made its way to my frontal lobe.

The song is called ''The mysterious people'' and

it describes the many ways children can transform

for instance: a pile of pillows into a deserted island, 

a handful of pebbles into a handful of golden coins,

an ordinary bed into a ship full of pirates,

a broom into a magical flying dragon.

The song begins with the words:

''Children are a people, 

a people who live in a different land...''

(A land that only children can inhibit.)

What is a child?

''Children are not things to be molded, but are people

to be unfolded.'' (Jess Lair)

''Children are great imitators so give them something

great to imitate.''(Anonymous)

''Children need models rather than critics.'' (Joseph Joubert)

''Children are a third of our population and all of our

future.''(Promotion of Child Health)

''Children see magic because they look for it.'' (Christopher Moore)

Many of us adults have spent much of our lives learning

how to sublimate our imagination, to live in our ''heads'',

regurgitating our past and fretting about the future. 

Sometimes even to the extent that it feels strange and

kind of unnatural to ''live''(be fully present) in the now.

Children often have the ability to immerse themselves

in their activities, whereas many of us adults often find it 

quite difficult to stay totally focused at the task at hand.

Give a child a brush, some paints and a canvas and 

off they'll go... instant Picasso's.

Give an adult a brush, some paints and a canvas, and

more often than not the adult will say something

to the effect: ''Oh, I am not artistic, I wouldn't be

able paint anything good.''

Children, according to those in the know, live in the process

of the ''doing'', adults are often more outcome orientated.

For a child, each new brush stroke leads to a new 

creation/imagination and discovery. 

Often, us adults tend to stick with judging what we are

doing according to how well we are able to actually paint what we

have in our mind's eye.

Put on some music and more often than not a child will

start to move his/her body(dance) regardless of what kind of music

it is.

Many of us adults often need encouragement(often alcohol) in order to 

start ''dancing like nobody's watching''.

''Oh, no thanks, I don't dance,'' she says although she would love to.

She just knows she'll make a fool of herself.

If you ask a child what he/she wants to be when he/she

grows up, anything is possible.

''What would you like to be when you grow up, Lukas?''

''Batman, I wanna be Batman'', answers Lukas.

Ask a teenager the same question and the answer may be:

''I don't know, I just want a job.''

Most of us adults probably had dreams as children of 

many things that we were going to do when we ''grew up''.

However, for many of us life got in the way 

and so far most of those things were never fulfilled.

 As we have matured, what we once deemed as possible or achievable

as children no longer seem neither plausible or doable.

That's being an adult, innit?

Well, yes and no.

Lately I have come to the conclusion that there are

some ''childlike ways'' that we may benefit from hanging on to.

Such as: curiosity, imagination, a sense of wonderment and awe,

enjoying the moment, laughing out loud, crying out loud,

doing silly stuff, focusing on the process rather than judging, etc. etc.

''It takes a childlike mindset to be an adult.''

(Citizen Z)

''We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old

because we stop playing.''

(George Bernard Shaw)

''Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem

to be solved.''

(Winnie the Poh)

''A child is not a small adult.

If such was the case,

I fear that lack of fun,

wonder and amazement,

 would be the sad, sad result.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: acrylic on cardboard, some Photoshopping

Did you know that there 250 are children born on earth every minute?

Feeling a bit squeezed emotionally?

 Lately I have been feeling like a tube of toothpaste.

Stuff keeps happening and although I feel like there's no

more ''life''(paste) that can be squeezed out of me, something

happens and I'm squeezed yet again.

For about eight months now my son's health has been

deteriorating. Trying to find the reason for this, my son and I have

sought help from numerous experts.

''Maybe this expert may know'' we hope as we crisscross

the country in search for answers.

But so far, the answer to my son's illness seems to elude

every darn expert. (Not only that, often my son is treated

as if whatever ails him is ''all in his head''.)

Each time my son is treated with disdain, arrogance

and lack of empathy I can see hope and life

being squeezed out of him.

Though we have come far medically and technically

since leeches and blood letting, it seems that when it comes

 to compassion, patience and empathy for patients; 

aka ''bedside manners'', more work needs to be done.

Since my son's condition started to deteriorate he has asked

me to be present at his doctors/hospitals/experts appointments.

This has given me the chance to make some observations.

For instance: There is no touching unless one insists.

One has to ask if the doctor/expert has read, and/or has access to

all the patient's files, scans, MRI's, Ultra Sounds, prescriptions,

 etc. etc.

One has to ask: ''If this is not your area, who do you

suggest we see next?''

When my son was prescribed a particular medication

I researched the medication and discovered that taking it

could cause dangerous side-effects as it did not mix with

the medication my son already takes.

When I pointed that out to two of the experts they responded

very brusquely and basically shoved us out the door.

 Worst of it all is that my son is often treated with

a lack of compassion or any kind of positive input.

I have lost count of how many times we have left

appointments with our hopes dashed and feeling that

my son is not a patient but rather....a bad customer.

Driving home

As soon as I hear him close the car door, 

 his hope, his heart, drops to the floor.

A moment of silence,

calm before the storm,

I know what is coming,

as we journey back home.

Out pours his anger, 

fears and frustrations,

unfettered feelings

emotions reeling.

I focus on the road

I try to stay calm,

I listen intently,

I do no harm.

Slowly but surely,

his fury subsides,

his venting finished,

pushed back deep inside.

Alas, I am the catcher,

of the pain my son endures,

to lift, to bear, to carry,

to hope and reassure.

As we arrive at home,

we've both run out of words,

we share a meal in silence,

as hope and heart returns.

(Citizen Z)

Though I am feeling a bit squeezed out at the moment,

....there's always a little bit left.

about the image: pen on paper Photoshopped

Introvert or extrovert.....who gets to decide?

She looked at me and said: ''How does an introverted

person like you deal with performing in front of an audience?''

-Introverted? I was puzzled.

''What do you mean with introverted? I responded.

''Well, I mean that you are a very internally driven person.''

Many years have passed since that conversation so I'm

not even sure if the terms ''extroverted'' and ''introverted'' are still

being used by psychologists.

None the less, for the purpose of this post I am still going to use

those terms.

A psychologist by the name of Carl Jung began using these terms

during the 1920's: ''Introverts turn to their own minds to

recharge their energies, extroverts seek out other people for

their energy needs.''

In my view; introverts often seek answers to their ''dilemmas'' 

within their own(but not always) inner beings, 

extroverts often prefers(but not always) doing so in the company

 of someone. 

And then there are ''ambiverts''; swinging between the two

(extrovert/introvert)depending on circumstances, mindset at 

the time and emotional state.

The first time I looked up the word introvert I found the

definitions quite disparaging: wallflower, brooder, loner, 

reclusive, shy, quiet, etc. etc. Hmm, not terribly encouraging.

What about extrovert then? Extrovert: outgoing, sociable,

gregarious, friendly, lively, people-orientated, etc. etc.

Obviously a preferable personality trait.

Being an introvert I instantly started to analyze and deeply

ponder all aspects of the definitions I came across.  

 Shy? Is that not an emotion rather than a trait?

Don't we all have times when we choose a bit of peace and

quiet rather than company?

To observe and ponder before we act?

To think before we speak?

What I found when I was researching introversion was what

I would view as bias.(Bias, as in partiality and prejudice.)

''Introverts are ''unfriendly'', hard to get to know, prefer their

own company, whereas extroverts are friendly, open, sociable,

etc....leaders.

Now, who gets to decide how much observing, thinking, 

reflecting, acting, socializing, inter-acting, communicating,

talking, etc. etc. a person has to do in order for he/she to be

labeled an extrovert or introvert?

I mean, ask a self-professed introvert to define what an extrovert

is and the answer may be: someone who never shuts up and

can't stay still.

Or, ask an extrovert to define what an introvert is and the answer

may be: someone too wrapped up in their own thoughts to

 notice life happening. 

Perhaps we would be better off not using the terms 

extrovert/introvert at all when we define our personalities?

Especially considering how we respond to most situations and circumstances

depends a lot on our emotional state at the time.

Some of us prefer to observe and think things through before

we act, and some of us prefer to go with our ''gut instinct''

and act instinctively.

Some of us enjoy spending a fair bit of time by ourselves, some of us enjoy

spending a lot of our time with friends.

Some of us prefer to be team players, some of us prefer to be

the leaders.

Some of us seek comfort in the company of others, some of find

comfort in being on our own.

Having said all this, in my view what is important to remember

is that we can all feel sad, lonely, left out, misunderstood,

not fitting in, uncertain and apprehensive at some time or another.

And knowing how that feels we can use that knowledge to support

and encourage someone else if he/she seems to be struggling.

Don't be bothered by my silence,

I wont be bothered by your noise.

I find strength in solitude and stillness,

you find yours in company and busyness.

Though different yet much the same,

to love and be loved is still the game.

(Citizen Z)

''We move along the continuum of introvert

and extrovert behaviours and preferences all day long.''

(Patricia Weber)

about the image: water colour on paper

"Sometimes she felt sad''