Don't hide your vulnerability behind anger.......

 Although we do know a lot more about emotions these days,

in my view, they can still be rather perplexing at times.

While doing a course on crisis counseling a few years back

I discovered that when it came to truly understanding emotions

I was virtually an ignoramus.

Emotions, I learned, are often very complex and seldom

a singular psychological state.

Example: -How do you feel? 

-I feel angry.

-What does the anger feel like?

-Huh? It feels like anger.

''Emotions, according to Psychology Now, are more than just

a feeling, they are a complex blend of actions, expressions,

and internal changes to the body that occur in response

to the meaning we make of our environment''.

Anger, for instance, seldom occurs in isolation but is

usually preceded by other feelings, such as for instance

shame, guilt, and or pain.

Anger, some say, can at times be a substitute emotion.

Some of us may find it hard to deal with pain, whether it

be physical or psychological, so we try to hide our pain

behind our anger. Being angry (for some of us) often feels

 ''better'' than it feels to be in pain. 

Switching from pain to anger we basically switch our attention 

from ourselves to someone or something else

and thus we can temporarily escape our pain.

Commonly pain is often associated with vulnerability.

Feeling vulnerable is often associated with weakness,

whereas anger pontificates, beats its chest and feels

righteous.(Strong)

Anger makes us feel strong and justified, pain makes

us feel weak and fragile.

Some in the know say that some people may even

unconsciously develop a habit of transforming their

vulnerable feelings into anger in order to not have

to deal with them.

Problem is, doing so does not actually make those

vulnerable feelings disappear it merely distracts us from them.

Not until we address the root cause of our pain without anger

will we be able to overcome it.

Having said this I also need to say that some say that

there is something called ''healthy anger''.

As in: Observing and experiencing anger without being

overwhelmed by it and reacting to it.

Being able to communicate our feelings assertively

and effectively without any hostile undertones.

The better we understand our emotions the better we 

understand what we feeling and why.

Emotional awareness helps us to understand what we need

and what we want. This in turn helps us to understand

others and to build good relationships.

Emotions in my view are neither good nor bad,

but how we chose to express and communicate our emotions,

that we can do badly or well.

''Respect other people's feelings. It may mean

nothing to you, but it could mean everything to them.''

(Roy T. Bennett)

about the image: water colour on paper and quite

a bit of photoshopping

title: What about ME!!#@#!

Forgiveness is love in action........

Though his eyes are smarting and his body keeps telling

him to pull over he just can't. 

As if hypnotized by the white line he keeps staring

at it, driving further and further away from the pain.

Every now and then he checks the rear vision mirror to make 

sure that he is not being followed and every time he sees

his haggard face staring back at him he wonders who

the hell he is.

He sure don't recognize the face in the mirror.

What's happened to me? I used to know who I am

and what I stand for. I used to be respected and treated

with dignity. Now......I have no idea about anything.

How can one momentary lapse of judgement change

a whole life? What possessed me to make me behave in such

an arbitrary manner?

Images of the incident flashes before

his eyes and he can feel his stomach turning.

Quickly he pulls over to the side of the road, stumbles

out of the car and throws up what little is still left in his stomach.

Slowly he raises his head, wipes his mouth with the back

of his hand and lets out a heavy sigh.

He is so tired that he feels as if he is unable to move,

so he closes his eyes, stands still and just listens.

All he can hear is his own breathing, his heart pounding

and the voice of his boy saying: Don't go daddy, don't go.

He feels tears burning behind his eyelids threatening to

break through his hard fought for and toughened countenance.

Before he knows it he falls to his knees and begins to cry.

In the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night,

on the side of a road with no name, wailing and spluttering

he finally allows himself to really see himself.

What he sees he doesn't like and though he knows how and why

 he got to be what he has become, he no longer wants to be that man.

How do I change? How do I unknow what I know?

How do I undo what I have done? Where do I begin?

Sitting on the ground with his arms wrapped

around his knees and staring across a vast desert landscape

thoughts race around his weary mind .

So lost is he in his thoughts that when a car pulls up behind his

car he doesn't hear it.

Suddenly he feels a hand on his shoulder.

He jumps to his feet and standing in front of him stands

an old man holding a small dog in his arms.

-Son, are you alright? the man asks.

-Sure, sure, I just felt a bit sick, that's all, he answers and squeezes

 out what he hopes looks like a smile.

-Me and Betsy saw your car idling with the drivers side door opened

and thought perhaps you were in trouble so we thought we better

check, says the man with the dog.

-Thank you Sir for your concern, but I'm alright, he says but the 

look on the old man's face tells him that he doesn't believe him.

-Son, I can tell that you are not alright. Betsy and I are in no

hurry, so why don't you tell us what troubles you? 

Is this where I begin, is this when I become me again? he asks himself.

Still with the little dog in his arms the old man goes up to the still

idling car and turns it off.

-Come on son, let's go and sit in my flatbed truck and have a chat.

As if in a trance he follows the old man and they climb into

the truck.

-Son, tell me what's hurting you.

-Sir, I'm a lawman, but two years ago I was involved in an incident

in which an innocent bystander was killed. There was an inquiry

and I was cleared, but I couldn't forgive myself, and I couldn't

let it go. I started to drink too much, stay out late, treat my son

and my wife badly, and I became a person I hated.

I lost my self-respect, my sense of dignity, and became an ill-tempered

and angry man. One night, full of liquor and anger I pushed my

wife so hard that she fell over and broke her arm.

Seeing her on the floor, holding her broken arm and crying

something in me snapped and I knew I had to leave.

As I walked to my car to take off my son followed me,

crying and begging me not to go. How can I go back after

what I did? How can I fix what I broke?

-Son, do you love your wife and son?

-Yes, Sir, I do.

-Do you believe in forgiveness?

-Yes, I do.

-Do you want to mend what you broke?

-Yes, I do.

-Son, hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.

Mistakes are always forgivable if we have the courage to

admit them. Forgiveness is a gift that we can give not only

to others but also to ourselves, and forgiveness is love

in action. 

Are you brave enough to go back to your wife and son

and ask for their forgiveness?

Are you brave enough to let go of your bad habits and

be the best man you can be?

Are you brave enough to try to repair the relationships

that you may have damaged?

-Yes, I think I am. What must I do, Sir?

-Lawman, you must get in your car and go back

with love and forgiveness in your heart and begin to

repair your life.

However, Betsy and I will have to leave you now because we 

have other hearts to tend to.

 Betsy, as if she had understood everything the old man had said

 suddenly jumped into the lawman's lap urging

him to move out of her seat.

As he got out of the flatbed truck he thanked the old man

 and Betsy for having spent time with him.

He jumped into his car, started it, drove it onto the road,

threw a quick glance in the rear vision mirror but

strangely, there was no sign of the truck.

What he did see however, was the most beautiful sunrise 

he had ever seen.

''As we know, forgiveness of oneself is the hardest of

all forgivenesess.'' (Joan Baez)

about the image: ink and graphite on cardboard

With our words we create our world.......

''With our words we create our world.''

''Physical concepts are free creations of the human mind

and are not, however it may seem, uniquely determined by 

the external world.'' (Albert Einstein.)

The mind though it be just a human-made word,

we treat as real though it can not be observed.

Nor can it be touched, nor seen nor heard,

yet still it defines what we call the world.

The mind consists of the words we choose

to define who we are and our personal views.

What we commonly call the I and the Me,

is no more solid than a flittering bee.

The mind can be changed, reversed and revised,

confused, bewildered and sometimes surprised.

But it can also be rigid, stubborn and closed,

set in its ways and to change be opposed.

The mind needs words like flowers need water,

like hearts need love and children need laughter.

Like music needs notes and sculptures need marble,

like sails need the wind and sailors a safe harbor.

The very same mind that may drive us crazy,

that lies, distorts and makes everything hazy,

is the very same mind that hopes and endures,

fights to the end and often assures.

With our words, we create our world,

who we are, and what we've learned.

If a better world, we long to see,

our choice of words, must different be.

about the image: acrylic on canvas. 

I painted this painting after having watched the news

from the New Orleans tragedy. It does not depict someone

in particular, just the face of someone who's world has

come crashing down.