The minute he stepped in to the badly lit bar she couldn't take
her eyes of him. He just oozed confidence, mystique, and a
''devil may care'' attitude. His black hair was slicked back,
his eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses, and as he slowly made
his way to the bar everyone else moved out of his way.
Who is he? she wondered. She wanted to know. She just
had to know. She quickly finished her drink, stood up,
and then walked up to the bar.
Standing next to the mysterious man,
she ordered a gin on the rocks.
''Hot in here, isn't it'', she said after she had taken
a sip of her drink.
The man slowly turned his head towards her, pushed his
sunglasses to the tip of his nose and with the greenest eyes
she had ever seen staring straight in to her own,
he just mumbled, ''sure'' and then went back to
staring straight into nowhere.
And just like that, the confidence that she had mustered
in order to speak to him shattered into a million pieces.
I really need to get my ''bad boy'' addiction under control,
she muttered under her breath
as she walked back to her table and sat down.
''Where did you go?'' Lilly, her friend asked.
''Oh, just to the bar for a refill'' she answered.
''I need a refill too'' said Lilly, ''after all, this is your hen party
so let's party!!''
*****************
Some time ago I wrote a post on ''The Broken doll syndrome''.
The term ''The Broken doll syndrome'' is a term that my son and I came
up with after a long discussion on why it is that
both women and men often seem
to have a conscious or sub-conscious predilection toward
seeking relationships with partners they feel they need to fix,
rescue or help become ''better'' people.
A ''Broken Doll'' by our definition, is a person who has
experienced physical and or psychological abuse, trauma,
addiction, etc. etc. etc.
Often they have a history of failed relationships and as
a result may have deep-seated emotional issues.
But here's the thing that I've been pondering recently;
are complicated, mysterious, un-reliable, emotionally ambivalent,
etc. etc. types more attractive somehow than reliable,
stable, kind, and emotionally secure ones?
Is a broken doll more interesting and attractive than an
unbroken one?
As far as I can ascertain, we are often attracted to what
feels familiar. If we experienced love as something
confusing and complex when we were children,
we may discard potential partners if it all seems to
''easy''. For some of us what we consider ''love''
may go hand in hand with pain and suffering, so if there is
no suffering attached to the loving, subconsciously we
may equate that with not being ''real love''.
(I remember my folks asking me why I always seemed
to fall in love with difficult and distant types.)
Often we are unaware of why we are attracted to someone
although warning bells are ringing. If we suffer with
the Broken Doll syndrome we will probably make excuses
for the Broken Doll's behaviour and surmise that our
loving him/her will eventually ''fix'' him/her.
This position and in my experience, is in my view untenable.
No matter how much we may love someone, we can't change
him or her. We can only decide to accept someone as he or
she is, or not.
Looking back on my many failed relationships without
sentimentality or regrets, I now have a different understanding
of what I deem ''love''.
''It seems to me that we love someone when we care more
about the other as he or she is, rather than who we think
they should become; when we reveal ourselves honestly
and vulnerably, just as we offer the same for the other.
We love someone when we act with patience, resilience,
compassion, forgiveness, and a whole hearted
commitment to their well-being.''
(Citizen Z)
Just a quick thought from the sidebar:
It may perhaps be helpful to ask yourself:
Is it possible that I am a broken doll?
or
Am I suffering with the Broken Doll syndrome?
about the image: acrylic on canvas, not painted with a brush
but with a cloth
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