Love comes in many guises....sometimes in the appearance of a cat

 Cats are mysterious creatures.

Some of us love them and some of us don't.

They are independent, willful and often refuse to be

told how to behave. Unlike dogs, they will not come

just because we call their name. They will come only when

they chose to do so and in my experience, usually it will

have something to do with food. 

But here's the thing with cats in my view, they can be interesting,

fascinating, playful, and although quite unpredictable,

also great at comforting. 

Linus, my first cat, shared an apartment with me

 when I lived in Stockholm studying music at the Conservatorium.

Having little experience with cats I had no expectations of how

a kitten was supposed to behave, I was just enjoying his company.

Only when I had a friend over was it pointed out to me that my

kitten was behaving un-cat-like. Kittens, apparently, don't usually

 play the piano, have showers, drink milk from a glass, welcome its

owner at the front door, or scare the owner half to death by

jumping up and down on the piano's bass keys  

 in the middle of the night. 

I think Linus liked scaring me. 

(He would often hide behind things and then

suddenly lunge himself at me as if he enjoyed me being scared.)

He also seemed to know

when I needed a bit of affection. On more than one

occasion he would jump up in my lap, stretch his body

until he could gently stroke my face with his paw.

He was amazing and loved.

Eventually however, years later, I decided to go to Australia

and so had to have Linus ''adopted'' by my older sister.

(Who also loves cats)

Now, to the cat in the image above.

(Her name is Lovecraft and she belongs to my son

although we both love her.)

My son is a sort of cat whisperer so when he suggested

we add a cat to our household, I agreed.

We decided to go to an animal shelter and after looking

around for an hour or so, we decided we would buy a cat 

named Thomas. Unfortunately, before we got to the 

cashier, somebody else had bought him.

We had to keep looking. My son stepped in to one

of the enclosures and as out of nowhere a little tortoiseshell

kitten jumped on to his back and would not let go.

Obviously, we bought her.

She has now been with us for almost ten years and she

is just as enigmatic and entertaining as Linus was.

She ''talks'', she knows how to open doors, she loves

porridge, ice-cream, custard and MacDonald's.

 She runs ''interference'' if my son and I are having a heated 

discussion.

As in; she will push things of tables, demand attention by

using a very eerie meowing sound, or just by placing herself

between us in a very demonstrative way.

She ''bangs'' on the door to be let in (not sure how she does it)

and when only the screen door is closed, she slides it open 

and lets herself out.

She will not sit in anyone's lap but she will sit on the

top of the back of the sofa and demand to be patted on her butt.

She is very friendly and ''talks'' to everyone including

total strangers.

She does not kill birds, only the odd field mouse.

She loves to chase water dragons, even one's twice her size,

but she never hurts them. (However, when she let's them loose

inside our living room, especially the big ones, havoc ensues.)

Lovecraft, this fury little creature with amazing green eyes and

a quirky personality is more than a ''mere'' cat, she is

a comforting and loving friend.

There is nothing ''mere'' with a cat in my view,

unlike us humans they do not hide their emotions, they

do not pretend, they do not fake affection, and they

always keep themselves "clean''.

''I have lived with several Zen masters - - all of them cats.''

(Eckhart Tolle)

''Feed a dog and he will think you are a God,

feed a cat and he will think he is a God.''

(Don't know who said this...)

''Cat's will amusingly tolerate humans only until

someone comes up with a tin opener that can be

operated by a paw.''

(Terry Pratchett)

''The cat is cryptic, and close to strange things men 

cannot see.''

(H. P. Lovecraft)

about the image: photo, some editing in Photoshop

Why do we keep doing stupid things?

 Some say that the definition of being a fool is to ''keep doing

the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome''.

If this is true, then I guess most of us at some time or another

has probably behaved like a fool.

Why do we keep doing stupid things?

Short answer: Because we are creatures of habit.

Even if the outcome of a habit has negative consequences,

we often keep repeating the habit.

''Yuk, I feel awful, I'll never drink again'', we say.

''I shouldn't have eaten so much pizza, now I feel sick.''

''I shouldn't have said those things, now I feel bad''.

And so on.

''Habits work by generating an impulse to do a behaviour

with little or no conscious thought.'' (Benjamin Gardner)

So here's the thing; in order to truly change a behaviour/habit

we need to give it some ''conscious'' thought.

What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Does it benefit me

or not? What will happen if I stop doing it?

Why did I start doing it in the first place?

Unfortunately, only when a habit cause us more pain 

than benefit do we usually become sufficiently enough

 motivated to deal with our ''bad'' habits.

I have a bad habit of not keeping my back straight.

I slouch. I also have scoliosis (crooked spine) which

does not help. Straightening my back hurts and feels

very un-natural, but due to slouching for years, consequentially

  now I have a whole lot of other painful body issues 

to deal with.

Though I keep reminding myself to keep my back

straight, more often than not, I forget.

Then one day as luck would have it, I stumbled upon

a kind of harness made for the purpose of keeping

the back straight. I instantly bought it and now wear

it every second day. Does it work? Yes, it does.

Sometimes in order to change a bad habit we may

have to exchange that habit for a new one, one

with a better and more healthy outcome.

As long as we do not question why we keep

doing stupid things we will keep doing them.

If we want to change a behaviour pattern we

need to begin by understanding why we

created that pattern in the first place.

We may need to ask ourselves:

That stupid thing that we keep doing,

what triggered it the first time we did it?

Since then, do similar circumstances

always trigger the same behaviour/response?

Can that behaviour/response be substituted

for a ''better'' one?

Sometimes ''willpower'' may be enough to help

us change a behaviour pattern, other times we 

may need some assistance in the form of for

instance, a prompt.

Ex: When I am not using my harness I hang it 

somewhere where I can always see it.

Seeing it reminds(prompts) me to use it.

For a while it was popular to wear a rubber band

around one's wrist and then snap it to remind or to 

reinforce a particular mindset and or behaviour.

In my view, it definitely works.

Whatever may be going on in our head at the time,

a quick snap of the rubber band interrupts it and

gives us a chance to really think.

If we want to stop doing stupid things, in my view

we must begin with thinking before we act.

"Don't do something permanently stupid

because you are temporarily upset.''

(Minnie Nord)

''Everything you do in every moment matters.

A single thought can change the world.''

(Anthon St. Maarten)

about the image: ink on wood board

the spikes in his head represents how remembering

the stupid things we say and do sticks in our

minds like nails

Is a broken doll more attractive than an unbroken one?

The minute he stepped in to the badly lit bar she couldn't take

her eyes of him. He just oozed confidence, mystique, and a

''devil may care'' attitude. His black hair was slicked back,

his eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses, and as he slowly made 

his way to the bar everyone else moved out of his way.

Who is he? she wondered. She wanted to know. She just

had to know. She quickly finished her drink, stood up,

and then walked up to the bar.   

Standing next to the mysterious man, 

she ordered a gin on the rocks.

''Hot in here, isn't it'', she said after she had taken 

a sip of her drink.

The man slowly turned his head towards her, pushed his

sunglasses to the tip of his nose and with the greenest eyes 

she had ever seen staring straight in to her own, 

he just mumbled, ''sure'' and then went back to 

staring straight into nowhere.

And just like that, the confidence that she had mustered 

in order to speak to him shattered into a million pieces.

I really need to get my ''bad boy'' addiction under control,

she muttered under her breath

as she walked back to her table and sat down.

 ''Where did you go?'' Lilly, her friend asked.

''Oh, just to the bar for a refill'' she answered.

''I need a refill too'' said Lilly, ''after all, this is your hen party

so let's party!!'' 

*****************

Some time ago I wrote a post on ''The Broken doll syndrome''.

The term ''The Broken doll syndrome'' is a term that my son and I came 

up with after a long discussion on why it is that

 both women and men often seem

 to have a conscious or sub-conscious predilection toward

seeking relationships with partners they feel they need to fix, 

rescue or help become ''better'' people.

A ''Broken Doll'' by our definition, is a person who has 

experienced physical and or psychological abuse, trauma, 

addiction, etc. etc. etc. 

Often they have a history of failed relationships and as 

a result may have deep-seated emotional issues.

But here's the thing that I've been pondering recently;

are complicated, mysterious, un-reliable, emotionally ambivalent,

etc. etc. types more attractive somehow than reliable,

stable, kind, and emotionally secure ones?

Is a broken doll more interesting and attractive than an

unbroken one?

As far as I can ascertain, we are often attracted to what

feels familiar. If we experienced love as something

confusing and complex when we were children,

we may discard potential partners if it all seems to

''easy''. For some of us what we consider ''love''

may go hand in hand with pain and suffering, so if there is

no suffering attached to the loving, subconsciously we 

may equate that with not being ''real love''.

(I remember my folks asking me why I always seemed 

to fall in love with difficult and distant types.)

Often we are unaware of why we are attracted to someone

although warning bells are ringing. If we suffer with

the Broken Doll syndrome we will probably make excuses

for the Broken Doll's behaviour and surmise that our

loving him/her will eventually ''fix'' him/her.

This position and in my experience, is in my view untenable.

No matter how much we may love someone, we can't change

him or her. We can only decide to accept someone as he or

she is, or not.

Looking back on my many failed relationships without

sentimentality or regrets, I now have a different understanding

of what I deem ''love''.

''It seems to me that we love someone when we care more

about the other as he or she is, rather than who we think

they should become; when we reveal ourselves honestly

and vulnerably, just as we offer the same for the other.

We love someone when we act with patience, resilience,

compassion, forgiveness, and a whole hearted

commitment to their well-being.''

(Citizen Z)

Just a quick thought from the sidebar: 

It may perhaps be helpful to ask yourself:

Is it possible that I am a broken doll?

or

Am I suffering with the Broken Doll syndrome?

about the image: acrylic on canvas, not painted with a brush

but with a cloth