Who says we have to always ''put on a happy face''? Not me........

The phone rings.

A few words are said.

And just like that,

a door to the unfathomable is opened.

My friend is dead.

By his own hand.

Why? How? 

Through the many years we had worked together,

had he been wearing a mask?

Had there been another person altogether hiding

behind his energetic, fun-seeking, and open exterior?

(Musically speaking, we definitely knew

each other as we never seemed to need words

to communicate, actually, it was as if from the

first time we played music together, we had tapped in to 

the same ''source''.)

Depending perhaps on how one defines ''mask'',

I have a sneaky feeling that most of us 

probably wear masks of some kind or another

at different times and for different reasons.

(Mask, as in facial expressions.)

Example: The doctor telling anxious parents that their child

is seriously ill, the parents telling the child that

he/she is ill, the lover telling his/her partner that

he/she wants a divorce, the employer telling

the employee he/she is fired, the friend telling

his/her friend that he/she is alright although he/she is not etc.etc.

There is a song that has the lyrics: ''Take off the gloomy mask

of tragedy and put on a happy face'', but, is that really wise?

We are able to fly to the moon, view stars that are light years

away, harness energy from the sun, wind, and water, yet

when it comes to allowing our facial expressions to line up

with our ''true'' feelings we are supposed to ''put on a happy face''?

Actually, research has shown that covering up (masking) ''negative''

feelings can lead to feelings of loneliness and social disconnection.

While training as a crisis counselor at a crisis center, part of the

training we had to do was to man their phone lines.

(The number of calls I took from people phoning in

because they felt suicidal but with no one to talk

to were too many to recall.) Often the calls would begin with:

''I feel suicidal, at the end of my tether, but I don't want

to burden any of my friends or family with this, but, 

can I talk with you?''

Talking helps; dropping the ''happy face mask'' and allowing ourselves

to feel what we feel and then sharing those feelings with

someone we trust, makes hope possible.

And hope, ''hope is the thing with feathers, 

that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words,

and never stops at all..''  (Emily Dickinson)

(Mourning the passing of one of my friends while
listening to one of the recordings we made together.)