Who says we have to always ''put on a happy face''? Not me........

The phone rings.

A few words are said.

And just like that,

a door to the unfathomable is opened.

My friend is dead.

By his own hand.

Why? How? 

Through the many years we had worked together,

had he been wearing a mask?

Had there been another person altogether hiding

behind his energetic, fun-seeking, and open exterior?

(Musically speaking, we definitely knew

each other as we never seemed to need words

to communicate, actually, it was as if from the

first time we played music together, we had tapped in to 

the same ''source''.)

Depending perhaps on how one defines ''mask'',

I have a sneaky feeling that most of us 

probably wear masks of some kind or another

at different times and for different reasons.

(Mask, as in facial expressions.)

Example: The doctor telling anxious parents that their child

is seriously ill, the parents telling the child that

he/she is ill, the lover telling his/her partner that

he/she wants a divorce, the employer telling

the employee he/she is fired, the friend telling

his/her friend that he/she is alright although he/she is not etc.etc.

There is a song that has the lyrics: ''Take off the gloomy mask

of tragedy and put on a happy face'', but, is that really wise?

We are able to fly to the moon, view stars that are light years

away, harness energy from the sun, wind, and water, yet

when it comes to allowing our facial expressions to line up

with our ''true'' feelings we are supposed to ''put on a happy face''?

Actually, research has shown that covering up (masking) ''negative''

feelings can lead to feelings of loneliness and social disconnection.

While training as a crisis counselor at a crisis center, part of the

training we had to do was to man their phone lines.

(The number of calls I took from people phoning in

because they felt suicidal but with no one to talk

to were too many to recall.) Often the calls would begin with:

''I feel suicidal, at the end of my tether, but I don't want

to burden any of my friends or family with this, but, 

can I talk with you?''

Talking helps; dropping the ''happy face mask'' and allowing ourselves

to feel what we feel and then sharing those feelings with

someone we trust, makes hope possible.

And hope, ''hope is the thing with feathers, 

that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words,

and never stops at all..''  (Emily Dickinson)

(Mourning the passing of one of my friends while
listening to one of the recordings we made together.)

The power of the words: but what if........

He looked at the painting on the easel, shook his head

and then asked me: "Where do you get all your ideas from?''

''I don't know, they just come to me. Perhaps it has something

to do with that I often tend to ask ''what if?'' I answered.

''What do you mean?'' he asked.

''Well, whenever I am doing something, 

whatever that something may be, it seems I have an inbuilt

''urge'' to ask myself if what I am doing can be done

differently, better, faster, and or more effectively.''

Since then I have realized that my ''what if'' urge is not limited 

to ''doing'' only, but also to thinking and feeling.

Examples: ''What if I change the way I think about xyz, will that

change how I feel?''

''What if the way I feel about xyz is a response to having a bad day

and not about what I think of him/her?''

''What if I haven't thought this through enough, as in considered a

number of different possibilities? If I did, would I view it differently?

(At this point you may be wondering about another kind of ''what if'',

as in the ''what if'' that has the added ...''I would have''...

''What if I would have/had not''..... is a totally different creature

and belongs more to the past than the now or the future, so, 

bearing in mind that the past can not be changed, I am going to

stick with the ''what if'' that brings us forward.)

In my view, asking ''what if'' stirs our creative juices, helps us

to think laterally, helps us to stay in the domain of possibilities

rather than staying stuck in the same old muck.

According to Stephen King, ''what if'' is always the key question when

it comes to coming up with new ideas, and the reason that the

''what if'' often works so well is that it can stimulate us into

combining ideas in new ways.

(All through the history of mankind there have been people asking:

but ''what if''.... we could fly, go to the moon, split the atom,

prevent deadly diseases, harness energy, etc.etc.etc.)

Us humans are said to be creatures of habit, slow to change,

and hesitant to embrace new ideas. 

Asking ''what if'' can be tricky because more often 

than not, it opens a door to change.

Unfortunately, change is not something that comes easy for us, 

we prefer the predictable to the unpredictable,

the certain to the uncertain, 

yet if we want to move ''forward'',

change of some kind is inevitable.

Example: For years you have been expecting your partner to

change his/her habit of leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor. 

You have asked nicely, you have asked angrily, yet no change.

It bugs you no end, then one day you ask yourself why it bugs

you so much. (What is it in me that finds the wet towels

such a bother?) What if the wet towels is not the issue?

Suddenly you realize that it is not the wet towels that 

bug you, rather, what bothers you is that you feel disrespected 

by your partner. You decide to tell your partner how you feel,

he/she listens, apologizes, and promise to do better.

Suddenly, no more wet towels on the floor.

In my experience we can seldom change another person's behaviour,

thoughts, attitudes, and or opinions, we can only change our own.

To do so, it can be really helpful to begin with asking ourselves:

what if I...........

Asking the question ''what if'' can be the beginning

of a wondrous, exciting, and enlightening journey.

About the above image: It began as a photo of plaster-cast statue of a child 

holding a basket standing in the middle of a shopping center.

I decided to edit it. What if I removed the background, 

what if I changed the basket into a fish, what if drew in a

sketched background, what if I changed the colours,

what if I put the figure next to the ocean, etc.etc. 

Are your spikes showing?

Some people view hedgehogs as ''pests'' but I am not one of them.

I view them as wonderful and intriguing creatures with traits

that in some ways are quite similar to some human traits.

There are hedgehogs called ''Huffers'' and they tend to be very vocal,
 often ''huff'' about many things and frequently curl up, spikes(spines) out.
Then there are others called ''Runners'', they can't be still, they run around
and want to explore everything.
Thirdly, there are the ''Couch Potatoes'' who love to do as little as possible,
who prefers to eat, sleep, and just curl up.
(I got this information from Google, so exactly how accurate it is, I'm not sure.)
Hedgehogs, cute as they are, do have spikes/spines.
When threatened, up they come, when safe, flattened they stay.
A bit like us humans methinks, although our spikes are
not visible and we call them ''words''.
A hedgehog uses its spikes for defense only, humans on the other
hand are very good at using their ''spikes'' forcefully,
devastatingly, and offensively.
Some say that hedgehogs tend to be ''loners'',
often shy and cautious, which I believe can probably
also be said about some of us humans.
(Although, I do wonder how such a conclusion 
about the ''personality'' of hedgehogs can
be ascertained without speaking as it were ... hedgehog.)

Some species of hedgehogs hibernate for
a few months during a year, although, they often
change nesting sites at least once during that time.
Well, strictly speaking, human beings don't hibernate,
but most of us probably have times in our lives when we
may feel a need to ''withdraw'' temporarily from the company
of others and spend some ''alone'' time in order to recharge.
Sometimes that may mean that
we change ''nesting site'' temporarily and head for the
mountains, the seaside, the rain forest, etc.etc.
Hedgehogs are nocturnal animals and do their
''hunting'' for food at night, well, perhaps not so much
hunting as foraging.
Some humans are also more ''nocturnal'' in their habits
than diurnal(daytime), although, not always by
 choice but by necessity. For instance, in order to put food on the table,
some of us have to work at night whether we like it or not.

But for all we may have in common with hedgehogs,
there is one glaring difference;
hedgehogs don't use their spikes offensively,
they only use them defensively.
We, on the other hand, often use our spikes (words) to intentionally
hurt and belittle others. ( as in for instance internet ''trolls'')
 But here's the good thing about
being a human being,...we can choose not to.

It's okay to feel blue sometimes.......

(This painting is called ''Blue in Green'', and the reason it is called

that is because I painted it while I was listening to Miles Davis

track ''Blue in Green'' on the album ''Kind of Blue''.)

Perhaps you, like me, may have days when you

just feel ''kinda blue''.

Sometimes there may be a definitive reason for

why one may be feeling blue, but in my experience,

sometimes that's just the way one feels.

Some may classify feeling blue as a ''negative'' feeling,

a feeling best avoided, but is it not possible that

experiencing the occasional bout of feeling blue may

actually contribute something ''positive'' to our lives?

In other words, can something positive come from feeling 

blue every now and then?

According to brain research and with the help of fMRI imaging

we supposedly now know that the answer is yes.

Here are some of the benefits suggested: 

(Bouts of sadness, not prolonged episodes or depression)

Improved memory and attention to detail. Apparently on

bright, shiny, sunny days we tend to forget things that

 on somber, rainy, gray days we remember.

So, what they are suggesting is that being ''overly'' positive

it is possible for us to be less focused and attentive

when we are processing ''information''.

Sadness can improve our ability to make ''sound'' judgments.

''Positive'' bias can cloud our thinking, as in; ''she'll be right''

even if there is a niggling feeling that it won't.

Sadness can increase our sense of motivation.

Suggestion here is that when we are feeling happy we

are less motivated to engage in something that may

 alter our mood, whereas when we

are feeling sad, we are often motivated to do

something that improve our state of mind/feelings.

Sadness can improve social interaction in some circumstances.

A person who understands and has experienced sadness

is often more patient and compassionate than someone

who ''knows'' (is that even possible?) only happiness.

(Just to be clear, I have paraphrased others views and suggestions

so far.)

Feeling blue now and then, judging from my own

experiences and from speaking with others, can bring with

it benefits depending upon how the person experiencing the sadness

deals with it.

As human beings we experience many different kinds of emotions,

and sadness is one of them. Recognizing our own sadness we can

recognize it in others, and when we do,

we will hopefully respond to someone who

is feeling blue with compassion, patience and understanding.

After all, some of the most beautiful works of art created by

 humans, often have tinges of sadness, and or melancholy in them.

''The word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not

balanced by the word sadness.''  (Carl Jung)