The pluses of smiling even when we don't feel like it..........

To smile, or not to smile, that's the question.

Well, not really, but according to some, smiling is

good for us.

It can lower blood pressure, improve immune

function and activate the release of neuropeptides.

In many cultures, although not all, a smile is often interpreted

as an outer expression of an inner state of mind.

( happiness, contentment, friendliness, openness, etc.)

''Smile, and the whole world smiles with you.''

(Stanley Gordon West)

''The shortest distance between two people is

a smile." (African proverb)

Some say that smiling is often contagious; when someone

''throws'' us a smile, we feel inclined to smile back.

I have read somewhere that it is called a ''positive feedback

loop'', and has to do with our ''mirror neurons''.

(Seeing someone smile stimulates our mirror neurons to

 suppress our facial muscle control, and before we know

it, we have smiled back.)

It is of course possible to ''fake'' a smile and many of us

probably often do so for a myriad of different reasons:

Embarrassment for example:

 "I didn't get the joke but I smiled anyway as if I got it.''

Fear: ''I wanted to seem confident so I smiled.''

Wanting to be accepted: ''People are often drawn to friendly people

so I smiled to come across as an open and friendly person.''

Can't find the right words to say: ''I didn't know what to say so

 I just nodded my head and smiled.''

To hide our true feelings: ''I felt hurt by what was said

but I didn't want others to know it, so I smiled instead.''

Charlie Chaplin sang in his song ''Smile'': ''Smile tho' your heart is

aching, smile even tho' it's breaking....etc., then concluded the song

with ''you'll find that life is worthwhile if you just smile.''

That's putting a lot of faith in the power of a smile!!

It can be tempting to suggest to someone to ''smile'' if they

look or seem a bit ''down'', but in my experience it is seldom

helpful, on the contrary, it often tend to make the other person

less inclined to smile.

A smile, although an outer expression, comes from within. 

Smiling is (so they say) a natural human response to feelings of

contentment, joy, happiness, etc. but, in many different positions

of employment (any kind of service orientated work),

smiling is also a required social ''tool''.

So, here is some good news:

Whether we smile because our

job requires it or because we feel happy-ish, feel-good

neurotransmitters will swirl about and that often

tend to brighten our mood.

"If you smile, 

not because you have to but because you chose to,

feel-good little neurotransmitters

will definitely help you.''

(Citizen Z)

ps: about the painting. Put your finger over the mouth on the painting

and the smile is gone. It becomes a totally different painting, in my view,

 a much more ''dark'' one. When we smile because we feel good, 

we smile not only with our mouths, but also with our eyes.

Who says that feelings gotta have a ''charge''? I don't.....

''Despair is good. Despair can be the nadir of one life

and the starting point of an ascent into another,

better one.'' (Dean Koontz)

Nadir, is a word that until a few days ago, I had never come 

across before. It did not sound ''English'' to me, so I 

looked it up in a reputable English dictionary and found

that the word's origin comes from medieval Latin

and Arabic. 

The translation of the word nadir to ''the lowest point (of anything)'' 

was first recorded in 1793, but in common parlance we probably

use terms such as: rock-bottom, all time low, desperate,

depth's of despair, ready to tap out, etc. before we use the word nadir.

Experiencing so called ''negative emotions'' such as for

instance despair, often gets a bad rap and we are often

told to ''get over it'', ''snap out of it'', or ''move on''.

But, what if Dean Koontz is right? What if despair can be

the nadir of one life and the starting point of an

ascent into another, better life?

I believe it is a commonly held belief that sadness and despair

becomes worse and lasts longer if we give it our full

attention, but what if that is not true?

What if the opposite is true? What if not paying attention to our

feelings of despair, i:e, shoving them where the sun don't shine'',

actually makes us feel worse?

 (My beloved brother died when I was twelve years old

 and knowing no better, I shoved the pain as far down 

into the deepest recesses of my heart and mind as I could. 

It took me seven years before I reached my point of nadir and

was finally able to deal with the loss.)

According to those in the know, ignoring our true feelings 

we often prolong our misery and that often keeps us stuck.

They suggest that the fastest way out of emotional pain is through

accepting the pain rather than fighting against it. 

Thing is, often when we try to pretend that we are okay when we

really are not, we tend to seek out artificial means to help us

 numb our feelings of despair, hopelessness, pain and

or sadness. But, unfortunately, more often than not, rather than

getting rid of our feelings of despair, hopelessness, pain and

or sadness, we often end up acquiring behaviour patterns

that conceal rather than make clear to us the core reasons for our

feelings.

John Lennon: ''The basic thing that nobody asks is why do

people take drugs of any sort? Why do we have these

accessories to normal living in order to live? I mean,

is there something wrong with society that is making us

so pressurized, that we cannot live without guarding

ourselves against it?''

What if there are no ''negative'' or positive feelings,                

 but only feelings?     

What if instead of telling someone sad to ''pull their socks up''

we said ''let down your socks'' and put our arms around them?

What if instead of telling someone to look at the ''bright side''

we ask them how we can help?

What if instead of ''putting on a happy face'' when we feel     

down we allow ourselves to feel sad for awhile?

         What if on the other side of nadir a new and ''better'' life awaits us?

  What if we were to let go of the notion that feelings need to be

 ''judged'' and instead learned how to accept

and understand them?

Wouldn't that be something....

''Hate'' is a complex ''soup''........

It seems to me these days, that watching the News can

be a more terrifying and horrifying experience than watching

a Horror movie of the most bloodiest and gruesome kind.

Horror movies, we all know are manufactured horror, "make-belief''

stories, but the News....are not.

A week ago, one after the other of horrific images from 

Christchurch, New Zealand, flooded the News here in Australia.

One aspect of the footage that made it extra horrific (in my view)

was that the shooter filmed the events and provided a

running commentary which he streamed live to different media

platforms. A commentary, mind you, consisting of despicable and

hateful words as he fired shot after shot into

a multitude of defenseless men, women, and children.

In this case it was a mosque, but it could just as easily have been

a church, a temple, or any other kind of space where people

gather together. (A school, a shopping center, a mall, a park,

a music festival, a club, etc.etc.)

At this point you may think: ''These kinds of events have 

been happening for years, so...what's so special about this one?''

My answer to that is; the sheer brazenness of the shooter and

the fact that some of the media platforms actually allowed his

footage to be shown. 

Whatever ''righteous'' (sarcasm) or ''justified'' reasons the 

shooter/terrorist told himself in order to justify (if he even did that) his

violent and deadly actions, .....let me to go out on a limb here

and suggest that....... the main driving and motivational force behind

his actions, was hate. (Although probably interspersed with a subconscious

need for a pinch of notoriety.)

Hate, in my view, is a complex ''soup'' that consists of many ingredients.

''Soupe de haine''

(Hate soup)

Step one: Find a ''human vessel'' (saucepan) and fill it with water (pain).

              Step two: Peel four onions (childhood experiences) layer by

        layer, and dice them into small pieces and drop them into

the human vessel. (Soupe de haine)

Step three: Stir vigorously.                                         

       Step four: Take two stock cubes (major traumatic events),

crumble them so that they dissolve and become 

''one'' with the pain and onions (childhood experiences).

     Step five: Slice five carrots (disappointments) thinly and

drop into the soupe de haine whilst making sure the soup

 does not boil over. Keep the soup just under boiling point.

Step six: Take a head of garlic and peel it into segments. 

(each segment representing a rejection of some kind)

Chop the segments into small pieces and mix into the soup.

Step seven: Take a head of cauliflower and break it into

florets. (each floret representing: bias, prejudice, ignorance, 

judgementalism, callousness, insensitivity, etc.etc.)

Stir vigorously.

Step eight: Take four large potatoes (=hope) peel them, then cut 

them into even sized wedges so that they will crumble and mix 

 evenly with the rest of the ingredients.

Step nine: Turn up the heat.(heat=anger)                          

Step 10: Stir vigorously until all ingredients have become

indiscernible from each other.

Step 11: Add spices (salt=fear, black pepper=loneliness, 

paprika=hopelessness, cayenne pepper=feelings of powerlessness)

Step 12: Simmer on low heat for a long time.                                          

Bon appetit!

''Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.''
(Martin Luther King Jr.)

Home, a safe haven or a house of horrors?

When Tom was seven years old, his childhood ended.

And it ended in a spectacular way when his father

beat him black and blue with a belt while his

mother was passed out drunk on the sofa.

From the beating Tom learned that if he was going to

survive, he would have to look after himself and stay

out of the way of his violent and erratically behaved father.

Sometimes, when his father was not at home, he would try to talk 

to his mother, plead with her for them to run away, but

she always defended his father and told Tom that

things would get better.

But they didn't, and as the years passed, Tom realised

that his mother's solution to the problem was to pretend,

ignore, and to drink it away.

Tom's solution became that of staying away from home as

much as he could. He would find himself somewhere quiet,

and then lose himself..... reading.

On the morning of Tom's 14th birthday, his father slammed open the door

 to Tom's bedroom, grabbed Tom by the neck, dragged him

through the house while screaming profanities at the top of his lungs

and then pushed Tom to the ground in front of their house.

As Tom tried to get up, his father kicked Tom in the chest and yelled:

''Get up, you worthless piece of shit! You're old enough to pay your own bills

now, you're out, leave, and don't come back, you lazy, good for nothing,

shit for brains!''

Tom scrambled to get up, and then ran. 

Barefooted and barely dressed, Tom ran for his life.

Only when his feet started to bleed, did he stop.

He sat down under a tree, hugged his knees, and for the first

time in seven years he allowed the tears to come.

On her way back home from working at the homeless shelter, 

Salvation Army soldier Sue Wittington spotted Tom

sitting under the tree. She stopped the car, got out, and slowly walked

toward Tom.

A few feet from Tom, Sue spoke: ''Hey, are you okay?''

A sliver of sunlight fell on Tom's face as he looked up,

but he said nothing.

Sue sat down next to Tom and then said: ''When you feel like you can

talk, why don't you tell me what has happened.''

Tom nodded.

A few minutes later Tom told Sue what had happened and that he

no longer had a home to go home to.

''Well, you are in luck, it so happens that I work at the Salvo's homeless

shelter down the road, do you know of it? Sue asked Tom.

''Yes, I know of it," Tom answered.

''I am sure that we can help you out, but why don't we begin

with you telling me your name, my name by the way is Sue.''

''Tom, my name is Tom.''

********************************

Family, for many of us is supposed be

our safe haven. Unfortunately, too often

we may find that it can be a place where we

experience our deepest heartaches.

72.000 women, 34.000 children, 9.000 men,

sought homelessness services in 2016-17 due to

family/domestic abuse in Australia.

Domestic abuse occurs across all ages, all socioeconomic

and demographic groups, but predominantly affects 

women and children.