Laying in the bathtub, she tries to hide her aging body beneath soap bubbles.
The small bathroom is filled with flickering candles, discarded clothing,
and half dried towels.
Managing to hold back her tears, she takes a hesitant sip from her glass of wine.
Although submerged in hot water, a chill sweeps through her body as
she swallows the wine.
She feels like a fool, a failure, she feels betrayed, she feels lost,
she feels as if her whole life was a life built on lies.
She scolds her self for having been so naive, so trusting, and so clueless.
Right under her nose, and for seven years he had been unfaithful.
How did she miss it?
With trembling fingers she reaches out for her glass of wine and
although the smell of the wine makes her feel bilious, she
drinks it all down.
How can he do this to her? And with her best friend at that.
For seven years they have been sneaking around, having secret meetings,
probably laughing at how clueless she has been of their affair.
She feels insulted, betrayed, and angry with herself for
not having noticed what obviously had been going on
right under her nose.
She thinks back of how she used to do ball room dancing,
and she was good at it too, but how she fell pregnant early in their
marriage and from then on it was all about him and his career.
She had to let her dreams of becoming a dancer evaporate
and instead concentrate on supporting him as he studied, traveled,
lectured, taught, and flew here, there, and every where
for weeks on end and across the country.
She minded their child, cooked, baked, cleaned, joined the PTA,
played tennis with the ladies, served tea and scones at charity events,
took care of his dry cleaning, managed elaborate dinner
parties for his colleagues, took the car for regular servicing,
but somewhere amidst it all,.... she lost herself.
She feels so angry and sad that she can hardly breathe.
What had it all been for?
30 years of marriage. All gone with one sentence: ''I want a divorce.''
The look on his face. She will never forget it.
In an instant he became a stranger. He certainly ceased to be
her husband and best friend in the time space of a single breath.
She desperately wants to open the floodgates and let out all of her
tears, but she just can't.
''Come on, just cry for heavens sake! What the hell is wrong
with you, why can't you cry all of a sudden?!!!'' she tells herself.
But nothing happens.
Her eyes are burning, her head thumping, her back aching,
and her heart? Does she even have one any more or
is it broken into so many pieces that it no longer is a heart?
She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and just listens,
.... listens to the unfamiliar sounds of a city that is not
her city.
The water in the bathtub is no longer hot, candle wax have
begun to find its way down to the bathroom floor, and she
has finished the wine.
''I should get out'' she says to herself but somehow she
doesn't seem to be able to do so.
Slowly she opens her eyes. The bubbles are all gone and
the water looks tired and sad.
A gentle knock on the door stirs her into action.
''Lilian? Are you okay? Can I come in?''
Her sister enters the bathroom with a worried look on
her face.
She stands up, gets out of the tub,
grabs a towel and wraps it around her body.
Her sister looks at her, then walks up to her and
embraces her.
With her sister's arms around her, the floodgates suddenly
burst open. She begins to cry.
She cries for love lost, for years lost, for dreams lost,
for trust lost.
She cries for what was, for what she thought she knew,
she cries for a world of uncertainty that now lay before her.
A world she now faces alone.
''Pain is an opportunity for us to resurrect our true selves.''
(Unknown)
(ps. this is not my story, but it's a story I have heard many times)
No comments:
Post a Comment