Is it easier to be angry than to be loving?.......

Anne Frank wrote a diary while she was hiding from certain death, unaware that her words would become immortalized in a book that many of us would come to read.

She was just a young girl writing down her thoughts and experiences as she dealt with the many trials and tribulations she endured, but due to someone having the insight to realize that her words had much to offer, we are today able to partake in her insights.

With the constant threat of being discovered and shipped off to an extermination camp, how was she able to remain so optimistic and hopeful? How was she able to choose an attitude of love rather than

 anger??

Choose? you may ask.....is anger not a primal response to a perceived threat and or danger, so an instinct, not a choice? (Anger gets our 'juices' flowing, increase our heart rate, pumps us full of hormones, and often feels like a power surge rushing through our bodies. In other words, preparing us for defending ourselves from a possible attack.) Some say that anger is a secondary emotion, and with that they mean that it is expressed on the back of other emotions such as fear and sadness, which are deemed as prime emotions. If this is the case, does that mean that since anger is a secondary emotion, we do have a choice as to how we will respond to it? 

Fear and sadness can often be experienced as emotions that diminishes us, as in we feel weakened and powerless, whereas anger with its mixture of 'juices' can often be experienced as making us feel more able, strong, and powerful.

A child wanders off in a crowd, the parents panic while searching for the child, ..... often these are the first words the child will hear from the parents when they find him/her: ''How many times have we told you to not wander off!!! Do you realize just how worried you made us????''

(Mea culpa (my guilt also), and many times...only to feel terribly guilty and remorseful immediately after.)  Less common is: ''We are so glad we found you, because you are so loved, and so precious to us, that when we couldn't find you we felt really scared, but thankfully, you are here now.''

Pondering this, lead me to wonder: ''Is it easier to be angry than loving?''

('Easier', in the sense that anger somehow feels empowering whereas expressing feelings of love (or sadness and fear) opens us up to possible rejection and so feels more risky.)

A few different scenarios spring to mind:

Is it easier to tell the homeless person to 'get a job' than to say a few kind words?

Is it easier to to tell the broody teenager to 'snap out of it' than to tell him/her a few encouraging words?

Is it easier to tell a person who says he/she feels really sad to: 'look at the bright side and pull your socks up' than to tell him/her: 'you seem a bit down, is there something I can do to help?'

Is it easier to tell the person who is anxious about many things to: 'don't worry about everything all the time' than to say him/her: 'I can see that you are worried, what exactly worries you, perhaps I can help?'

Is it easier to tell a person who struggles with illness and pain what they should do to fix it than to ask him/her what they need?

Is it easier to deny our own feelings of sadness and fear behind a veil of indignation and anger than to

find a measure of love and kindness for ourselves? 

Do we at times veil our authentic emotions in order to protect ourselves, as in,

do we have 'default' reactions/responses to different emotions in order to protect ourselves?

''Sad people make me feel sad, I don't like feeling sad so instead I will ignore those feelings and people.''

''Angry people make me feel scared, I don't like feeling scared so instead I will ignore those feelings and people.''

''Anxious people makes my feel anxious, I don't like feeling anxious so instead I will ignore those feelings and people.''

(These words (italics) is a recollection of a conversation I had with someone. This someone's choice for a default response (according to herself)was: I will only care for those whom I deem worthy.)

Most of the time, what we feel, is about us.....our egos. Other people do not make us feel things, our feelings belong to us, they are our responsibility. I understand that it often feels as if so and so made us angry, but unless someone is able to actually go into our brains and manipulate our synoptic impulses, we alone are responsible for our feelings. (Although there may be extenuating circumstances in which expressing 'negative' emotions may be part of a healing process, aka. rape, abuse, and or some kind of violent crimes.)

''No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'' (Eleanor Roosevelt)

The ego want protection from, love wants to open up to,

the ego wants to hold grudges, love wants to forgive,

the ego wants to be right, love wants to understand,

the ego wants to be respected, love wants to be connected,

the ego is fragile, love is strong.

''Everyone inside of him[her], has a piece of good news.

The good news is that you don't know how great you can be! How much you can love!

How much you can accomplish! And what your potential is!''

''In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.''

(Anne Frank)

Whether it is easier to be angry than to be loving, we must all decide for ourselves.

ps. Not long before the II World war ended in 1945, Anne Frank died in the Bergen-Belsen camp, barely 16 years old.