Betrayal.....one of mankind's worst attributes

What makes someone betray a friend?

What makes someone idly stand by and watch as his/her friend 

is being verbally and physically abused?

What makes someone publicly belittle his/her friend, 

yet still spend a lot of time in secret with that friend?

(Insert here any of the very many and elaborate different ways human beings use to betray each.. other............)

Betrayal is a very common subject matter in much literature, plays, movies, operas, etc. and I guess it is so because it is such a common experience for many of us.

Betrayal can perhaps be defined as "the violation of an established bond of mutual trust".

Trust, as I view it, is an essential ingredient in establishing relationships, whether they be with our partners, friends, siblings, parents, work mates, health professionals, etc.etc. 

So, how do we establish trust?

I believe it begins with authenticity. Our own as well as others.

Just like we may need to know that someone else is genuine, 

someone else may need to know that we are too. 

To gain trust and vice versa, there are some things we can do:

We can keep our word, do what we say we are going to do, and live in accordance with our professed moral codes and ethics.  

Someone who consistently keep their word, follow through on fulfilling their commitments, and  communicate openly and honestly, may well be what some of us may need as "proof" in order for us to trust that someone. 

In my view, establishing trust is a process and this takes time, and as time passes, often we invest more and more of our emotions into that process, more often than not until we feel that we "know" that someone, aka we have established a bond of mutual trust.

We are no longer in a "protect" mode, we feel secure.

Enter one of mankind's many complexities: expectations.

More often than not, we assume that those we call our friends, lovers, mates, buddies, etc.etc. share our expectations of what to expect from those relationships. 

Examples: A friend/buddy/mate/lover has your back no matter what, a friend/buddy/mate/lover never says bad things about you behind your back, a friend/buddy/mate/lover doesn't keep secrets, a friend/buddy/mate/lover doesn't lie, etc.etc.

Enter another of mankind's many complexities: perception/point of view.

"What do you mean, betray you? I didn't betray you, I just didn't tell you what soandso said about you because I knew that that would hurt you."

"What do you mean? How did I betray you when I told soandso that you may have a drinking problem? You drink every night and I am really worried about you, I just wanted someone else's opinion."

"What do you mean? How did I betray you when I didn't tell you about bumping in to my ex the other day? I simply forgot, you know how busy I have been for weeks now."

It's a quagmire, what one person may view as deceit, another may view as an act of protection, so, in my view it comes down to intent and motivation.

An act of betrayal, in my view, occurs when someone deliberately violates a mutual bond of trust that he/she/they have with someone without any regard for the harm or suffering it may cause the other/s.

Aka, the motivation for the act solely founded on personal gain and or gratification.

A few suggestions of acts that I consider as betrayal: lying, cheating, embezzling, stealing, blaming, cowardice, abuse whether mental or physical, verbal, or sexual, malicious slandering, entrapment, bullying, killing, breaking promises and agreements, parents ignoring the cries of their children, etc.etc.

"Betrayal, can be experienced as having
been stabbed in the heart with a poisoned dagger.
Physically we may heal, but the
 poison so easily in the heart remains.

Yet, no matter how powerful the poison
devastating and potent the potion,
it can be overcome, indeed it will succumb,
to the transformative powers ...of love."
(Citizen Z)

(about the painting: best friends, sheltering together in the middle of pouring rain.
Painting this painting reminded me of an incident in my son's life. At 12 he was betrayed in a most horrible way by his best friend. The friend together with a number of other boys staged a set-up which resulted in my son taking a severe beating while his so called friend stood by and did nothing.)