Sometimes things are not as they seem to be.
But often, even in the face of new information, we can find it hard to change our views once we have settled on them.
This is intriguing to me. Why is it at times so difficult to change our perspectives?
What exactly do we feel we are "losing" if we change our perspectives?
Do we lose something if we change our opinion/perspective on something?
If we do not lose something, then why is it so hard at times to let go of an opinion or way of seeing something?
Is it possibly pride? If so, then what is pride?
Skimming through a bunch of definitions it seems to be the case, like with most words, pride, is also quite an ambiguous term. Some definitions offer this: self-esteem, dignity, honor, a sense of deep satisfaction derived from one's own accomplishments and skills. On the other hand, there is also a definition that pertains to the "flip-side" of pride: an un-realistic and over-blown sense of one's own achievements and personal value.
In some religions, pride is not viewed as a "good" thing, rather, it is the root of mankind's perpetual mess-ups, yet at the same time a good person takes pride in his/her work, in the way he/she presents him/herself and his/her family. in doing good deeds for others, etc. etc.
Confusing, methinks. According to Wikipedia: "Philosophers and social psychologists have noted that pride is a complex secondary emotion which requires the development of a sense of self and the mastery of relevant conceptual distinctions through language based interactions with others."
Bit of a mouthful, but in my view, a helpful definition, after all, pride is a different kind of emotion compared to for instance happiness, satisfaction, or joy.
If someone you are speaking with said: "I am proud of what I have achieved with.....xyz...." would such a statement seem fair to you or would you consider the person to be a bit "full of him/herself"?
What about: "I am proud of my children, or I am proud of my partner, or I am proud of the way I dealt with a difficult situation"?
Is it okay to be proud of some things and not other things? If so, how are we to know which is what ?
If we define pride as an "overblown sense of oneself and one's achievements" then pride is not something to be proud of methinks, but if we define it as a "healthy dose of self-respect and esteem for and in one's own capabilities", then pride can perhaps be an effective motivator for achievements and goal setting.
(I used to practice the piano a lot, and with a lot, I mean sometimes 8-10 hours a day. I would spend four hours just on scales and arpeggios and in order not to get bored I decided to use the metronome as a motivator. My goal was to be able to play all scales in all the different keys at 220 bpm.
The first day I was able to do so, I felt proud of myself, or should I say, I experienced a great sense of satisfaction and achievement.)
A child comes home from school beaming with pride, holds up his/her painting that he/she did at school and says: "Mom, look, I did a good painting at school today."
The mother looks at the child and says:
a) -Don't be so boastful! b)-You sure did! c) -It looks wonderful, well done! d) -Don't praise yourself, that is for others to do.
Perhaps it is possible to err on the side of too much praise and risking an inflated ego, but is it not also possible to err on the side of too little praise and risk a fragile sense of self-worth and esteem?
(Life, in my view, often finds a way of letting us know when we need to adjust our level of pride if it is unproportional.)
"Human beings, more than anything else, desire to be right" someone has said. Sometimes we discover (much to our dismay), that something we thought to be "true", may not be true at all.
With true, I mean based on proven and established facts. Once upon a time, it was a "fact" that brain cells cannot be rejuvenated, today we know that they can, based on new scientific facts.
The more shame we attach to being "wrong", the harder it seems to be to alter our perceptions.
(Shame, as in a sense of humiliation, it seems to me, has a tendency to go hand in hand with pride. Ask Fonzie, he couldn't even say the words: I am wrong without choking on the words.)
Here is something I have discovered and would like to share with you: There can be a great sense of freedom in having an open mind, to be open to entertain many possibilities, and to rather than seeking to be right seeking to acquire a greater understanding and insight.
Changing our opinions and perspective now and then, is not a loss, rather, it's a gain methinks.
"There are two kinds of pride, both good and bad. 'Good' pride represents our dignity and self-respect. 'Bad pride' is the deadly sin of superiority that reeks of conceit and arrogance."
(John C. Maxwell)
About the painting: what do you think it depicts?
Feel free to see what ever you see, but what I actually painted was bits of a broken beer bottle on top of a ledge with the sun streaming through the broken glass.
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