Fear....essential for survival but detrimental to a fully lived life....

I have heard it said: "A life lived in fear is a life half lived." I have also heard it said: "In order to truly see things as they are, we must first remove our blindfolds of illusion."

A while back, I invented a "Teddy" figure that would speak about issues difficult to illustrate. (These two drawings are both "Teddy".)

In conversation with a friend, my friend told me that she has recently realized that many of her decisions on what to do and what not to do, were "fear" based; fear of getting hurt, fear of making a mistake, fear of being misunderstood, fear of failing, fear of letting someone down, and so on.

Now, in hindsight, she can't but help speculate on how different her life could/would  have been if she would not have sub-combed to her fears.

Fear .. is an emotion, not a very pleasant one, but a rather important one because without it we may throw ourselves into potentially precarious and dangerous situations without first considering possible consequences, on the other hand, sometimes we may see danger and threats to our  physical/emotional safety, where none exists except for in our own minds.

A person may know that statistically speaking, flying is safer than traveling by car, but for someone who struggles with a fear of flying, that stat makes little difference or impact on his/her fear.

Whether "irrational" or "rational", fear in any shape or form, is a powerful emotion. Accumulation of information and knowledge, can be helpful and soothing for some of us, but for others, not so much.

(Saying "Don't be scared of that spider, it's just a Tarantula and they are not venomous" does little for someone scared of spiders staring at a huge Tarantula climbing up their leg.)

For someone experiencing fear, for whatever reason, rational or not, the fear is telling that someone Danger! and to get away, to avoid, that which is feared. Fear, some say, is our first line of defense when it comes to survival.

There are some fears that most of us share: extinction, mutilation, loss of autonomy, separation, and humiliation/shame. Most of the things we are fearful of, at some level, fits into one of those categories. Depending on our life experiences, these fears can have subsidiary (additional) fears attached them. What may have begun as a fear of spiders can develop into a fear of any creepy crawlies, what may have begun as fear of rejection by someone, may develop into a fear of rejection by anyone, what may have begun as a fear of failing in one area, may develop into a fear of failing in all areas, and so on. For some of us, our fears may seem as if they just come from "out of nowhere", they grab hold of us and there is little we can do to stand up to them. Not so, say those in the know: "when we begin to see fear and its companion emotions as basically information, then we can think about them consciously. The more clearly and calmly we can articulate the origins of the fear, the less our fear will frighten and control us."

So, some of us are perhaps like the Teddy with all his patches and band-aids, and then there are others of us who may be more like the Teddy running while blind folded.

Symbolically speaking, the "blindfold" represents a number of different things: resistance to clarity, denial, wishful thinking ("I can't see it, so it doesn't exist"), a lesser state of consciousness, etc.

But it can also symbolize impartiality and objectivity, especially in law as in the case of "Lady Justice", who is wearing a blindfold.

Teddy, like many of us, at times desire and seek "fun" and excitement, exploration and adventure, new experiences and new relationships, and in order to fulfill such desires we may prefer to be "blind" to the potential dangers that may encountered on the way. The "fear" of what can or may happen is overcome by the desire of expanding the experience of being alive; living life to its fullest.

During a break at a gig (music), the bass player in the band asked me to play a game of pool with with him. "You play pool, don't you? he asked. "Sure" I answered although I had only played pool a few times. Much to my surprise, I managed to drop one ball after the other into the pockets until there were only two left. By this time, the other band members had rallied and there were quite a number of people standing around watching the game. All eyes were on me while the bass player made sarcastic comments: "Go on, sink both of them with one shot." Quietly to myself I thought "Is that even possible?" I stepped up to the table, chalked the cue, and I do not lie, Whack! with one shot, one ball dropped in the left pocket, the other in the right pocket, whilst leaving the white cue ball spinning on the table in-between the two. No-one was more surprised than me!!!! Luckily for me, I didn't have to play another game because the break was over and we had to get back on stage. It was just one of those fluke moments, a new experience, a fun experience, probably possible because for me there was no fear involved; fear of failure, or fear of humiliation; it was merely a bit of fun.

As well as being "blind-folded" by "wishful thinking", in my view, it is also possible to be blind-folded by "fearful thinking", and with that I mean, fear (of whatever kind) "blinding" us from seeing possibilities that may offer us ways of enriching and expanding our lives. Blind-folds can be insidious, because they are often invisible to ourselves, and when or if others suggest that we are wearing one (it may be called something else like wishful thinking, fear, bias, prejudice, attitude,etc.) more often than not, we don't respond favourably.

Being a human, from my point of view, means at times we may have to be: patched up, get a stitch or two, use a crutch or two, wrap ourselves in woolen blankets, mend a broken heart, put band-aids on, and have band-aids ripped off.

"I've learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road for you. The journey is valuable, but believing in your talents, your abilities, and your self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path. Transforming fear into freedom - how great is that?" (Soledad O'Brien)

If you are running, are you running from or towards?.........

After driving for hours, we finally arrived at the destination; Gulf Shores.

As I stepped out of the car, perspiration had drenched my clothes and I felt like I had been through a car-wash. The Alabama summer was in full swing, the heat stifling with barely a whiff of a breeze to cool the air. As we started to unpack the cars and unload our music equipment, I had dizzy spells and I started to wonder if I was even going to be able to play at all. My hands were clammy, sticky, and felt like they were on fire, drips of perspiration trickled down my forehead into my eyes, down my nose, and then finally leapt for freedom off my chin. Slowly but surely I got the electric piano on its stand, connected all the leads to the amp and mixer, plugged in the sustain pedal, and then discovered that I had forgotten to bring the stool to sit on...... Now this was a bit of a dilemma, because this gig, was an out-door gig in a park with no spare chairs or stools about, so before we had even started to play a note, I had to start improvising. As a jazz musician, improvising is what one does, so I started to walk around the park searching for something I could use as a stool...nada.

The drummer however, had a light bulb moment and told me I could use one of his drum cases to sit on. Phew!! Disaster averted.....well, not for long.

This gig was the first trio gig (piano/bass/drums) that I was doing since arriving in the States and both the drummer and bass player were very respected and well known musicians, so me forgetting the piano stool was not a good beginning. I was sweating bullets. Doing trio gigs means that the pianist has to carry both the melody and harmony, so this was an important gig for me, but it was also an opportunity to prove my worth, so to speak. Finally, all the gear was set up, an audience had started to form, and it was time for us to start playing. I counted us in, and hit the first chord.......nothing, not a sound.

Frantically I ran my fingers up and down the keys only to discover that all the keys in the middle of the keyboard didn't work. Panic. The middle of the keyboard is where all chords are made, how was I going to be able to play the tunes with only the bass and treble register to work with?

Did we stop playing? No. This was jazz after all...... Usually, the melody is played with the right hand, and the chords with the left, but since this was not possible, I had to swap and do the opposite.

Here I am, playing with one of Duke Ellington's bass players and the darn keyboard stops working..!

All my solos had to be done in the bass register and all the harmonies in the treble, geez....but

much to my surprise, the bass player and drummer loved it!

They both had big grins on their faces, and seeing that made me brave and very adventurous. Two years of practicing the piano six hours a day in preparation for my stint in the USA, paid off......

We didn't have a big audience, but the people who were there seemed to really enjoy the performance we gave them, and we certainly had a lot of fun performing for them. Three hours flew by, and then it was over.... As I turned around to say thanks to Cleve (the bass player), he stretched out a hand and and with a big smile on his face said:  "I knew you could really play when you adapted to playing without a mid register, and this, without dropping a single beat or note." I shook his hand, thanked him, and could finally exhale. 

As a musician, my stint in the USA was my longest, and by far the scariest, most exciting, and educational,  "on the road" experience. For a musician, touring is often something that comes with the job, but for those of us who are not mega stars with mega budgets, more often than not, touring often means one non-descript motel after the other, un-healthy food, far too much bitter coffee, too little sleep, late payments (we'll send you the check), etc. etc. 

Jack Kerouac, author of the book "On the Road" writes: "Nothing behind me, everything ahead of me, as is ever so on the road."

This novel, in broad-strokes about freedom and longing, has inspired many of its readers ever since first published in 1957, although, in my view, it does at times tend to "romanticize" the reality of what a life on the road may actually entail. Many of us have probably had moments when we have felt like we just wanted to hop in our cars and take off on the "open road" and leave it "all" behind. Perhaps at times that may seem like our best option to a tricky situation, and perhaps sometimes it is, but more often than not, whatever problem we may want to escape, we often take with us "on the inside" and unless we somehow manage to resolve the problem, we may end up mere shifting locations.

On the other hand, going on a "road trip" at times can help us to change and widen our perspectives, have new experiences, meet new people, and discover things about ourselves previously unknown.

Traveling is often encouraged as a way of broadening one's mind, running away?....not so much.

But, who decides what is what?

You.

If you are feeling "antsy", is it because you want to get away from something, or because you want to expand your experience as a human being, expand your horizon, so to speak? 

Walk away from, or walk towards?

You decide.

"Wherever you go, there you are! You can't run away from yourself, or the underlying situation, no matter where you go. You won't find happiness anywhere, unless it's already there in your heart, and therefore you have carried it with you." (Andrew James Pritchard)

What makes something "real"?.......

What makes something "real"?

If it can be seen, touched, smelled, heard, and or tasted?

These are our common senses and for a long time, those were our "guides"when it came to establish if something was real or not.

So what is a "sense"? "a faculty by which the body perceives an external stimulus; one of the faculties of sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch."

Nowadays however, most scientists agree that there are other "things" that makes us decide whether something is real or not.

For some of us, something is real if it can be supported by facts, scientifically verified evidence, rigorous scientific scrutiny, and in some cases, all the above plus statistics.

This can be somewhat problematic, because memory, thought, consciousness, love, imagination, inspiration, experiences, feelings etc.etc......for most of us seem very real, although at this moment in time, all the above would be virtually impossible to subject to the scientific method, and if one was to call them "facts", a hefty debate would follow. Take a "thought" for instance, our thoughts are very real to us, some of us may even say "it's a fact that we all have thoughts". Scientifically, I am not so sure it can be called a fact, philosophically,...perhaps?

While chatting with someone on-line recently, someone said: "Seeing is believing"... I have heard that phrase used many times, but this time I decided to bite: "Hmmm....for me, that seems like an oxymoron" I said and ducked for cover. (In my experience, challenging that phrase often tend to make folks quite animated.)

"What do you mean, oxymoron?" he/she asked then continued "so you're into blind faith then?"

"Blind faith, in my view, is also an oxymoron" I answered then continued "an oxymoron is like a figure of speech in which one term contradicts the other as in "an open secret, or minor crisis, or pretty ugly" for example. If you can see something with your eyes, you don't need to believe anything, the thing you see is before your eyes and so "sight" verifies it as actual. Believing something, you see nothing in actuality, but in your "minds eye", it can be experienced as a "reality."

"You're an idiot" he/she said and sadly, with those words the conversation ended.

Regardless whether we can substantiate and or verify something as real from a scientific stand point,

most of what we experience in our lives, we experience as real.

Our thoughts seem very real, so does our feelings, but just like consciousness and love, we would be hard pressed to provide any scientific proof/evidence of such. But, our feelings, thoughts, love and consciousness affect our actions and behaviours, and those in turn can perhaps be viewed as evidence for their existence. We may not "see" the wind, but we see its affects, we may not see thoughts, but we see how thoughts affect someones behaviour, we may not see love, but we see how love affect someones behaviour, we may not see others experiences, but we see how they affect their behaviour, and so on. Logic and reason, rational thinking and reasoning has brought human development and progress far, but it has its limitations, in my view.

Science, wonderful as it is, is often "speechless" when it comes to comforting someone who is experiencing the loss of a loved one, a broken heart, a confused mind, loneliness and or isolation, social anxiety and or depression. Far more helpful (in my opinion) than facts and evidence, is someone who listens, shares their experiences, and offer a hand of friendship and compassion. 

What makes something "real"? That, to me, seem to depend very much on how one defines the word real. So, let me offer a few suggestions: existing or occurring as fact, actual rather than imaginary, a concept for things that on a collective basis we agree on are real such as for instance: tree, car, traffic light, house, lamp post, water, etc.etc. We may all have differing views on the colours, the sizes, and so on, but we may all still agree: "that's a tree, because it has a trunk, branches, roots and leaves. We can see it, hear it (when its windy), smell it, touch it, and taste it (especially if its a fruit tree)."

Scientifically speaking, a heart may be a "pump, a muscle, etc....."  and a brain more or less "water and fat", but that's not what we commonly mean when we say "he is heart broken, she has a soft heart, he is hard heartened, my heart tells me I love him/her, he/she had a heavy heart, etc. etc." and reminding someone who is heart-broken that a heart is a mere pump, is usually not received very well albeit a factual statement. Even if we can't substantiate our experiences, thoughts, feelings, imaginations etc. scientifically, we experience such as real nonetheless. 

Pondering these things has lead me to the notion that there are things that human beings as a collective experience as real, but there are also things that on an individual level we experience as real that are obvious and actual only to each of us individually. Two realities, a collective reality in which we function and interact with each other, an individual reality in which our very own belief systems, perceptions and interpretations are obvious and actual only to us, and as far as I can ascertain, we exist in both simultaneously, although occasionally, .....they do seem to overlap.

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one." (Albert Einstein)

"Life is not a problem, but a reality to be experienced." (Soren Kierkegard)

(The painting, is depicting a little African boy as imagined by me.)

How to see things with fresh eyes........a child's eyes.....

I read somewhere that children have a different concept of time than adults do. For a child, time is either now or later. They very much live in the now (present), and later, is a very nebulous concept that only becomes "real" when that later becomes now.

Many of us have probably had bedtime stories read to us about animals of many kinds that can walk and talk, or fly, or both, stories about gallant princes and beautiful princesses living in far away lands, stories about magicians and witches with magical, mystical powers, etc.,... stories in which all things are possible.  Many of them beginning with the words: "Once upon a time......."

For children, "time travel" seem not to be an issue...whether listening to a story, or watching one on a screen, children seem to be able to just "Be There". Perhaps, for a child, "time" is more of a "liquid", malleable kind of concept rather than a static, hours, minutes and seconds, kind?

Of course, once a child starts school, "real" life starts, and so does "real" time. 

Slowly but surely, the child learns that time comes in increments, and that it is very important to learn and understand those increments because a human's life revolves around those.

Time is no longer "wake time" or "sleep time", now or later, rather, time is fixed and what a person does have to be done according to that fixed time. A child also learns that time never goes backwards, only forwards, and armed with that knowledge many of the stories previously "real" and possible for the child, now become fantasies and therefore impossible. 

Luckily for mankind methinks, there are many humans who somehow manage to keep alive their ability to view the world with the eyes of a child. People who challenge established concepts and constructs and ask: but what if?

What if time could move backwards? What if time is not what we think it is, but something else?

 What if some things we deem impossible could be made possible with a different approach? What if some fantasies could become realities? What if something we view as unsolvable could be solved with a different perspective?

Through the eyes of a child, horses can fly if they are unicorns....a horse can fly, if it is on a plane.

Through the eyes of a child, Santa Clause is real..... a person wearing a Santa Clause outfit is real.

Through the eyes of a child, magic is real......... a trick performed by a clever magician can often appear very real to most of us.

Through the eyes of a child, stuffed toy animals can speak........ a stuffed toy animal with a recorded voice inside of it can speak.

Through the eyes of a child, princes and princesses are real........Harry and William are real princes and Diana was a real princesses.

Through the eyes of a child, time travel is possible..... when we fish up an old memory, do we not travel back in time in our minds?

I have a feeling, that if there were not people who just like children ask: "yeah, but what if?" it is quite possible that I would not be able to write this sentence right now.......

"If we could all see the world through the eyes of a child, we would be able to see the wonder in everything." (Citizen Z)