Are you who you want to be? The good news is....you can be.......

 

Are you who you want to be?

If not, then the good news is that you can be.

 

Each new moment offers us the possibility to change those things about ourselves we do not like.

There is freedom hidden in taking responsibility for who we are, how we behave, and how we think.

Regardless of what others or circumstances may inflict on us, how we respond....that is up to each of us.

 

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." (Viktor Frankl)

The word "responsibility" perhaps may evoke an allergic reaction in some of us, but if we for a moment have a closer look at what taking responsibility for our own lives (actions, thoughts) have to offer, then we may also see the freedom it offers. Blaming others, or circumstances, may be easier, less painful, and demand less effort on our behalf but....and there is a but,...it may also mean that we are giving away our sense of our own "personal power". (Personal power= our ability to have our own needs met in a positive and life affirming way)

The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” writes Joan Didion.

So, how does freedom enter into this then? You, when you take responsibility for your own actions/behaviours/thoughts, You have the freedom, (and not others or circumstances), to determine how to respond. (In as much as we would probably like to; we cannot change others it seems.)

Examples: You drink more than you think you should, you smoke more than you think you should, you eat more than you think you should, you get angry more than you think you should, you spend less time with your loved one/s than you think you should, you exercise less than you think you should, and so on. When we think we should do something differently than the way we are doing it, then in my view, that is often our life principles/belief system telling us we are "out of line".

Staying true to our guiding life principles offers us stability, and assists us in building our self-esteem, and in achieving more self-esteem, we feel better about ourselves.

Are you the person you want to be? If yes, then great, if no; then perhaps you can begin by identifying what you want to change about you and how you can go about it in a responsible way?

That is; without assigning the blame on others and or situations/circumstances. This offers you the possibility to become more proactive rather than passive, it assists in building self-respect rather than a need for others validation. Bearing in mind however, that how others will respond to what you say or what you do, is not within your control, what is within your control however, is the way you communicate your message. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't want another drink, I am quite content." "I am sorry, but I can't work that extra hour tonight, is there another way that I can get that job done?" "I am feeling in a bad mood tonight, can we talk about this after I have had a shower please?" "I am sorry, but I don't agree with what you just said, can we agree to disagree for the time being?" "It's important for me to stay true to my guiding life principles, so I am going to have to turn you down, sorry." 

If perhaps, you are not sure of what your guiding life-principles are, then perhaps spending a few moments thinking about what those are could be helpful?

Guiding life-principles/values are the fundamental building blocks that we use to prioritise what is important to us. (Example: honesty, loyalty, fairness, kindness, compassion, et cetera.)

Prince William has this to say: "My guiding principles in life are to be honest, genuine, thoughtful and caring."

“Make the choice to be your highest and best self, regardless of the circumstances.”
(Rosalene Glickman)

“Your ultimate goal in life is to become your best self.  Your immediate goal is to get on the path that will lead you there.”(David Viscott, M.D.)

My (Citizen X) number one guiding life-principle is: "to serve others" which is one of the reasons why I have this blog....and as a person who continuously does battle with trying to become a better "me"; my suggestion is to never give up on becoming the best You, you can be.

 

ps: The image is a Photoshopped photo of me wearing a mask and hat....after all....why not a little mystery?

 

 

Searching for more hope? Embrace the mysterious......

 

In these times of pragmatism, materialism, and our seemingly unending thirst for more certainty;

it may perhaps be easy to overlook those things that never offer certainty, but only mystery. But what if we didn't?

 

"The way the tendrils of love can suddenly reach out

 and wrap themselves around, even a frozen heart.

 

The way an unexpected smile in a crowd of sullen faces

can offer connection, in the strangest of places.

The way a courteous gesture, a sudden offering of kindness,

can fill a heart with hope, and unfolding gladness.

 

The way the sound of a an open ocean endlessly rolling

can blur our sense of time, timelessness is its cajoling.

The way the wind plays with the leaves, the birds, the trees,

can soothe our souls, fill us with a sense of ease.

 

The way a hand on the shoulder, a firm and caring embrace,

can make us feel loved, can make us feel safe.

The way of words, when sincerely spoken,

can make us whole when hope is all but broken.

 

The way a sad and haunting song

can remind us of treasured people, now long gone.

The way a painting can help us see

thoughts and imaginings, ... set free.

 

The way a field of blossoming flowers

can leave a joyful impression, lasting for hours.

The way animals of all different kinds,

can baffle and enchant, the most analytical of minds.

 

The way that faith can grow and make us strong

inspite of failures and when things go wrong.

The way that forgiveness and loving kindness

can set us free, when we leave behind us,

 what we should or shouldn't have done,

and put our trust in things to come." (Citizen X)

 

 

"I realized it for the first time in my life: there is nothing but mystery in the world, how it hides behind the fabric of our poor, browbeat days, shining brightly, and we don't even know it."

  (Sue Monk Kidd)

 

"Science cannot solve the ultimate mystery of nature. And that is because, in the last analysis, we ourselves are a part of the mystery that we are trying to solve." (Max Planck

Does gender define you as a person?..........

"Women need to feel loved and men need to feel needed." (Rita Mae Brown)

 "She's a woman, you're a dude. You're not supposed to understand her. That's not what she's after.... She doesn't want you to understand her. She knows that's impossible. She just wants you to understand yourself. Everything else is negotiable."  (Neal Stephenson) 

 

Is it really impossible for a man to understand how a woman thinks? On the other hand, is it possible for a woman to really understand how a man thinks?

In any relationship, understanding is an important aspect (building block), (including the relationship we have with/to ourselves), but does gender actually play a role?

When the book "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" by John Gray was released, it caused quite a stir, some thought it insightful and helpful, others....not so much.

"Dr Kellie Burns, a gender expert from the University of Sydney welcomed the new research as an important step in challenging ideas around gender. “This research confirms something we already knew”, she says. Gender difference "is an outmoded and limited way of seeing relationships and I think it is an easy way to operate within relationships because it justifies behaviour and patterns in some relationships. I think that science is used to justify gender difference as natural but there is resounding evidence that our culture, society, norms, expectations, customs and ideologies play the most significant role in shaping the gender order.” (Sydney Morning Herald/Life style)

Whether we are men or women, we are human beings. If we define what may be difficult in a relationship by "gender" we may not be able to get to the core of the issue(s) which may have nothing to do with gender and more to do with communication. Some examples:

"Oh, don't start with the waterworks, you women always start crying to get your own way" he says.

"What do you mean, I am crying because I feel hurt by what you said" she says.

"Oh, that's right, walk away, you men never want to talk about your feelings" she says.

"No, I am not walking away because I don't want to talk about my feelings, I am walking away because I feel angry and I don't want to say something that may hurt your feelings" he says.

Expressing in words how we feel may be difficult, but not because of our gender but because we

find it hard to do so. Some of us may have no trouble in expressing our feelings, perhaps because we are very in tune with our feelings, but some of us may find feelings confusing and don't really know how to express what we feel. If we as children are encouraged to speak openly and safely about how we feel, then whether we are one or the other gender doesn't matter. Feelings, in my view, are not gender specific. A man may have a hard time in expressing his feelings, but not because he is a man, but because he was never taught/encouraged/showed, how to do so. A woman may find it easy to express her feelings, not because she is a woman, but because she grew up in a home that encouraged a child to express his/her feelings.

A society's definition of what constitutes the masculine or the feminine, (man/woman) often fail to capture the essence of a being; how we truly feel, behave, and/or define ourselves.

 It can be tempting to adhere to stereo-typical gender roles; Women are: soft, dependent, emotional, passive, self-critical, quiet, et cetera. Men are: tough-skinned, independent, non-emotional, aggressive, self-confident, competitive, et cetera. But in doing so, we risk excluding the individual.

We may see the gender, but not the individual person, we may expect a certain behaviour/personality to fit with our perception, rather than seeing the person for who she/he really is.

Our gender, may I suggest, consist of a composite of beliefs, characteristics, genetic dispositions, behaviours, and personal experiences, more so than our sex organs. If we desire to simplify the complicated dance between men and women, perhaps a good starting point may be to look past gender and see the human being.

 

"Love is based on a two way communication and respect, and that only exists between equals."

(Anselma Dell'Olio)

"It is time that we all see gender as a spectrum instead of two sets of opposing ideals."

(Emma Watson)

 

Life is like a soap bubble...not a box of chocolates....?

Soap bubbles.

Well, my attempt at painting soap bubbles .

Why paint soap bubbles?

Life is like a soap bubble?

Here one minute gone the next?

Fragile and impermanent?

For months, I have been taking my son to the hospital to have a number of tests done in order to discover what the cause of his pain and re-occurring bumps may be. Most of the time these test were done at the oncology (cancer) out-patients department, and while I was waiting for my son to have his tests done, I had the opportunity to do a lot of thinking.

When things flow in our lives, when we feel in charge and pretty sure of what comes next; it can be easy to forget just how fragile and unpredictable life can be.

An unexpected diagnosis can have devastating consequences for our lives, so can losing a job, a loved one, come to think of it; there are perhaps a great many things/people that we take for granted that were we to "lose" them the fragility and unpredictability of life would become very clear and immediate to us.

Pop! goes that bubble.

We all come with an "expiry" date, perhaps even more so, everything living has an expiry date, but somehow in the midst of all the hustle and bustle of  just living, that bit of knowledge gets pushed back into the recesses of our minds. Which in my view is a good thing; life only happens now.

In every second hides the potential for the discovery of something wonderful, something beautiful, something extraordinary.

 

A few days ago the weather roared.

 Lightning, thunder, and intermittent squalls.

The cat ran for cover, out went the power.

The trees rustled and whooshed, while the rain whipped and washed.

We waited, my son and I, for the weather to pass us by.

Which it did; after and hour or two; then out came the sun and the sky turned blue.

Standing by the window, looking out across the meadow,

clinging to a branch, an extraordinary drop of water.

Somehow it managed to sparkle, with colours remarkable.

Just a common drop of water, yet an extraordinary display,

of unexpected beauty, to my eyes had found its way.

 

That drop of water reminded me of the importance of taking the time to appreciate beauty in the midst of the ordinary, it reminded me to not take life for granted and in doing so let precious moments slip by unnoticed.

If life is like a soap bubble, then life is short, precarious, fragile, impermanent, but also colourful, fun, beautiful, any shape, any size, and the aspect of its impermanence,

also makes it more precious.