Loving enough to let go.......

 

Realising that in order to save his family he must leave the country he loves, his friends and relatives, and most of what he holds dear in life; he still makes the choice to let go of what was in pursuit of what may become. His love for his family gives him the strength to be brave, and fuels his dying embers of hope.

As the ocean liner enters New York harbour, he decides to leave the past  well and truly behind and focus on what lies ahead.

“Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an ordination of character which determines the relatedness of the person to the whole world as a whole, not toward one object of love.”   (Erich Fromm)

When I had a tooth pulled out I found that my tongue kept revisiting the space where the tooth used to be although it was still tender and quite raw. I knew the tooth was no longer there and to be honest, for all the pain it had caused me, I was certainly glad to have had it removed, yet somehow my tongue kept finding its way there, prodding, touching, and reminding me that I had lost a tooth.

It seemed reminiscent to me of how at times we keep revisiting painful memories in our pasts; there is nothing that can be done about what was or what happened, yet somehow our thoughts drift back and when they do, they often affect how we feel and behave in the present.

Perhaps we keep going back over painful memories, i.e.  the past; because we are seeking to understand what happened, why it happened, and our part in what happened? Perhaps we ask ourselves if we could have done something differently that would have altered the outcome?

Whatever happened in the past we cannot alter, but the good news is that if we learn from our experiences (whether good or bad, joyful or sad) we may be able to repeat actions, thoughts, and behaviours that are life affirming and avoid such that are unhelpful and or destructive.

Perhaps we keep revisiting times (in our memory) when people let us down, or when our parents failed to support us, or when we lost our job, or when someone stood us up, et cetera? When we think of these things, how do we feel?

Not so good? Angry? Hurt?

Going back over old painful memories opens up the wounds again, yet there is nothing we can do to change what happened. What we can do is to make space for more life affirming experiences by choosing to let go of our painful memories. How? you may ask.

Forgiveness. What if it wasn't my fault? Forgiveness is not saying "It's okay what you did", rather, it is saying "I forgive you although you did what you did".  When we forgive, we clean the slate, and the best thing about it is that no one else needs to know, because it's not about others, it's about us.....loving ourselves enough to let go of that which hurt us.

“You can victimize yourself by wallowing around in your own past.”  (Wayne Dyer)

“The past should be a learning experience not an everlasting punishment. What’s done is done.”

(Unknown)

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”  (Steve Maraboli)

 

We often forgive those we love when mistakes are made, why not extend the same forgiveness to ourselves; being loving enough to ourselves to let go.....