"Nothing that matter comes easy, nothing that's easy really matters"

 

Searching for images to sketch, I came across a black and white photo of JFK and Robbie Kennedy. 

The intensity and seriousness of these two brothers carrying the fate of a nation on their shoulders, grabbed my attention. JFK is speaking and Robert is listening...obviously something is discussed which matters very much to both of them.

(This sketch is made using graphite.)

Channel surfing on the TV I briefly watched a few minutes of a documentary on Rick Springfield and while doing so heard him say this: "Nothing that matters comes easy, and nothing that's easy really matters."

The opening line in the book "The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck is: "Life is difficult".

When I first read it I thought: "Finally, someone who has the courage to say it like it is."

What a relief, someone gets it.

Easy. Now there's a word that seem to be used an awful lot.

It can be attached to many things:  nice-and-easy, easy does it, easy come easy go, easy money, easy way out, easy going, easy living, the easy life, et cetera. What is so good about something being easy?

“... it is the greatest of all mistakes to begin life with the expectation that it is going to be easy, or with the wish to have it so.”   (Lucy Larcom)

If something comes easily perhaps we also let it go that way?

When I read the words "Life is difficult" I realised that it offered a different perspective; If life is difficult, then when life is not difficult, those moments are not to be taken for granted, rather, they are to be treasured.

Difficulties overcome, do we not value them somehow more than those easily solved?

Hidden within difficulties are the potentials for opportunities to discover a number of different solutions.

Often when we find a solution to something straight away, we may find ourselves not investigating if perhaps there may be other possible solutions, perhaps even more suitable.

While driving to a gallery with a friend, I asked him why he was taking the long way around.

"Because I always take this route" he answered.

 "Why?" I asked to which he answered: "Because it's easier to just take the route I am used to even if it takes a bit longer."

Why do we often seek the path that offers the least resistance?

Some say we do so to conserve our energy, which may have been relevant in the old days when we were hunters and gatherers, but since nowadays most of us just go to the shops to buy whatever we need, what are we conserving our energy for?

It may be easier to buy take-away-food than to cook a meal from scratch, it may be easier to take the car than to walk to the corner shop, it may be easier to sms/facebook/email a friend than to arrange a meeting in person, it may be easier to adopt others opinions than to form one's own, it may be easier to do things the same way over and over rather than to figure out new ways, and so on, but perhaps in doing so we may lose valuable experiences?

“If you expect life to be easy, challenges will seem difficult. If you accept that challenges may occur, life will be easier.” (Rob Liano) 

Some of us are born into more difficult lives than others (wars, poverty, addictions, sicknesses, dysfunctional families, et cetera) and through necessity have to quickly learn how do deal with such the best way we can. Some of us grow strong from it, some of us less so, depending on our perspective.

If we view difficulties as opportunities for growth and valuable life experiences, then somehow those difficulties often become easier to cope with.

"It is not in the still calm of life, or the repose of a pacific station, that great characters are formed. The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties." (Abigail Adams)

"Nothing that matter comes easy, nothing that's easy really matters"  but as to what that "matter" is, is up to each of us to ascertain.

Loving enough to let go.......

 

Realising that in order to save his family he must leave the country he loves, his friends and relatives, and most of what he holds dear in life; he still makes the choice to let go of what was in pursuit of what may become. His love for his family gives him the strength to be brave, and fuels his dying embers of hope.

As the ocean liner enters New York harbour, he decides to leave the past  well and truly behind and focus on what lies ahead.

“Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an ordination of character which determines the relatedness of the person to the whole world as a whole, not toward one object of love.”   (Erich Fromm)

When I had a tooth pulled out I found that my tongue kept revisiting the space where the tooth used to be although it was still tender and quite raw. I knew the tooth was no longer there and to be honest, for all the pain it had caused me, I was certainly glad to have had it removed, yet somehow my tongue kept finding its way there, prodding, touching, and reminding me that I had lost a tooth.

It seemed reminiscent to me of how at times we keep revisiting painful memories in our pasts; there is nothing that can be done about what was or what happened, yet somehow our thoughts drift back and when they do, they often affect how we feel and behave in the present.

Perhaps we keep going back over painful memories, i.e.  the past; because we are seeking to understand what happened, why it happened, and our part in what happened? Perhaps we ask ourselves if we could have done something differently that would have altered the outcome?

Whatever happened in the past we cannot alter, but the good news is that if we learn from our experiences (whether good or bad, joyful or sad) we may be able to repeat actions, thoughts, and behaviours that are life affirming and avoid such that are unhelpful and or destructive.

Perhaps we keep revisiting times (in our memory) when people let us down, or when our parents failed to support us, or when we lost our job, or when someone stood us up, et cetera? When we think of these things, how do we feel?

Not so good? Angry? Hurt?

Going back over old painful memories opens up the wounds again, yet there is nothing we can do to change what happened. What we can do is to make space for more life affirming experiences by choosing to let go of our painful memories. How? you may ask.

Forgiveness. What if it wasn't my fault? Forgiveness is not saying "It's okay what you did", rather, it is saying "I forgive you although you did what you did".  When we forgive, we clean the slate, and the best thing about it is that no one else needs to know, because it's not about others, it's about us.....loving ourselves enough to let go of that which hurt us.

“You can victimize yourself by wallowing around in your own past.”  (Wayne Dyer)

“The past should be a learning experience not an everlasting punishment. What’s done is done.”

(Unknown)

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”  (Steve Maraboli)

 

We often forgive those we love when mistakes are made, why not extend the same forgiveness to ourselves; being loving enough to ourselves to let go.....

You are not alone............

 

 

You are not alone

although

this may be how you feel.

 

You are connected

and many are the ways.

 

 Through breath;

the air you breathe

is the same air that gives breath

to all that is alive.

 

Through words;

all of us humans use words,

some sung, some written,

some read, some spoken.

 

Through our senses;

 we connect through the smell of a blossoming flower,

the sound of rolling thunder,

the taste of the sweet and the taste of the sour.

 

Through what we see;

through our eyes we have instant access

whether from near or from afar;

life unfolding; from the smallest plant to a shooting star.

 

Through being alive;

you are connected to the earth upon which you walk;

you and all creatures;

from the biggest of the big

to the smallest of the small.

 

You are not alone,

you are surrounded by life,

some of the human kind,

some of the flora and fauna kind.

(Citizen X)

 

"Humankind has not woven the web of life.

We are but one thread within it.

Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves.

All things are bound together.

All things connect." (Chief Seattle)

Is there such a thing as "normal"?

 

Many of life's "battle scars" are invisible; a cuddly teddy bear with many patches may perhaps be interpreted as a "well loved" toy, but I wonder,  are we as favourably inclined with people?

How tolerant, patient, or accepting are we of those among us who very visibly show signs of
"battle fatigue"? (People who battle with mental health issues, or any other issues that may affect their behaviour.)

"Yeah, I know he suffers with PTSD, but come on, surely that doesn't mean he can't behave like normal people?"

"Yeah, I know she lost her job, and that her car was repossessed, but surely, it can't be that hard to get another job? I mean, why doesn't she just do what normal people do, get another job, any job?"

"I heard that he has a drinking problem, but he just has to stop drinking like a mad man, and drink like normal people and he will be alright."

Yeah, I know she has some sort of anxiety problem, but why doesn't she do like normal people, suck it up and just get on with life?

"So what if he has Bipolar disorder, it's just a label anyway, if he really wanted to, he could change his behaviour and act like normal people."

Normal? Hmmmm.........

This is how the Urban Dictionary defines normal: "A word made up by this corrupt society so they could single out and attack those who are different." Normal is about as concrete as the idea of "love". The meaning is constantly evolved to suit the momentary desires and/or needs of a single person, or group of people."
Another definition is: "conforming to the standard or the common type."(dictionary.reference.com)

Wikipedia: "Definitions of normality vary by person, time, place, and situation – it changes along with changing societal standards and norms."

Perhaps, what we deem normal, keeps changing according to the changes occurring in our environment/culture/society?

The behaviours we perceive our society, friends, and family expects from us, are often instrumental in determining how appropriate (normal) we measure our own (and others) behaviours to be.

(Example: Speaking loudly and animatedly; normal in some cultures, but less so in others.

Crying in public; normal in some cultures, but less so in others.)

Understanding what we perceive to be expected from us, and what we can deliver on the other hand, may prove to be difficult. We may want to be more "social" and easy going, but if we have experienced rejection many times when we have attempted such, we may find it very difficult to overcome our past experiences; we may have healed, but we still have scars. (patches)

Feeling upset, worried, hurt, rejected, ignored, isolated, sad, lonely, disappointed, uncertain, et cetera, is common to human beings. So is feeling happy, joyful, confident, passionate, exuberant, energetic,

glad, optimistic, pleased, thankful, et cetera. Let me ask this; when we experience such feelings, is there a "normal" amount attached, and if so, who decides such?

Be sad, but not too sad, be glad, but not too glad?

Laugh out loud, but not too loud, cry for your loss, but not for too long?

Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, stiff upper lip, ol'boy....

Laughing out loud at a joke with friends, considered a normal response,

laughing at the same joke on a bus when alone, you're strange.

Crying out loud in the company of friends, often frowned upon,

crying out loud according to norm, must be done when you're all alone.

 

 “Everybody knows there is no such thing as normal. There is no black-and-white definition of normal. Normal is subjective. There's only a messy, inconsistent, silly, hopeful version of how we feel most at home in our lives.”   (Tori Spelling)

 

 “Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”

(Dietrich Bonhoeffer)

ATTENTION ! .... there's a crow at the door...and he wants you to listen to him.

 

There is a crow who has decided to 'communicate' with me.

And he does so very loudly (!) and at the most inopportune times.

As far as bird calls go, his, is not musical, rather, he sounds obnoxious and petulant.

"Hey, can I get some attention here!!! Now!" seems to be his message, however, I don't speak crow so maybe I am totally misunderstanding his message.

Not long ago he decided to make sure he got my attention, ....which he did by hopping up to my glass door and start to tap on it with his beak. (The sound he made, almost that of paradiddles on a snare drum.) What did he want??? And why was it so urgent?

This carried on for a week or so, and then, as suddenly as it had started, it ended.

Apparently crows are commonly associated with life mysteries, insight, mischief, audacity, fearlessness, and often, they are viewed as tricksters. (Since ancient times the crow has been used as a religious/cultural symbol.)

Then on the other hand, some view them as noisy, aggressive, ugly, and destructive birds with perhaps an unusual and often somewhat comedic, capacity for problem solving.

Since I do not speak crow, it occurred to me that perhaps I could use it as an analogy.

Perhaps the noisy, obnoxious crow could be likened to the "noisy, obnoxious" people who try to get our attention about any number of issues they consider to be of great importance.

Global warming, climate change, food shortage, increasing pollutions, an over populated planet, holes in the ozone layer, bleaching barrier reefs, melting glaciers, new strains of deadly viruses, animal species becoming extinct, languages disappearing, cultures disintegrating, starvation and yet also obesity issues, and the list goes on and on and on.

In the beginning the crow cawing loudly every morning was hard to ignore, but, strangely, when it finally stopped, I had become used to it. Are we getting so used to the "cawing" of the people warning us of how our insensitivity towards our planet is beginning to show serious effects, that we now barely notice them? We may still hear the cawing, but we no longer are affected to the extent of trying to understand the 'message'?

What we call "progress", is it so for everyone, everywhere, or does progress for some rest on the retrogression of others?

Besides, what do we mean with "progress"?

Some say, progress is when the economy grows, and the economy is said to grow when the value of a country's economic output (Gross Domestic Product=GDP) increases. (In other words, a country's income per person is increased, which is believed to indicate a "better" lifestyle.) However, one may ponder; does not the benefit of economic growth depend on "what" is growing?

(Oil spill= people get hired to fix it; a spike in employment/income for "clean-up" companies,

but fish and other creatures in the hydrosphere die and some of the resources are diminished.)

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have little." (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

Many voices are rising up trying to get our attention as to the impact that "progress" has on

the hydrosphere, geosphere, biosphere, and the atmosphere.

We may chose to ignore what they are saying, but in the face of increasing numbers of tsunamis, devastating droughts, life threatening floods, deadly viruses, the decimation of wild animals (of many kinds), et cetera, it becomes harder and harder to pretend that all is well with the planet. The people who are trying to get our attention, may I suggest do so because they are trying to find possibilities of minimising the impact humankind is having on the planet.

Although, perhaps it is no longer a question of how we can minimise our impact, rather, how we can intervene, and if such is the case, we may need to listen more carefully to those "obnoxious, insistent" voices (cawing) trying to get our attention.

Caw, caw, caw......

 

                            "Saving our planet, lifting people out of poverty, advancing economic growth... these are one and the same fight.

We must connect the dots between climate change, water scarcity, energy shortages, global health, food security and women's empowerment. Solutions to one problem must be solutions for all."

(Ban Ki-moon)