"I have a dream......" Martin Luther King Jr exclaimed with his majestic voice on the 28th of August 1963 at the Lincoln memorial in Washington D.C. Over 200.000 people listened as he spoke of hope, of forging forward in spite of difficulties, of following the pursuit of building a better society, of remaining united in the vision of everyones right to the pursuit of happiness.
On April 4th, 1968, his life was cut short by a bullet fired by an assassin. Martin Luther King Jr. was 38 years old.
For many people, Martin Luther King Jr, offered hope, raised expectations and consideration of possibilities maybe never entertained.
There are "drawbacks"(for lack of a better word) with hope, faith and expectations; vulnerability and the possibility of a "let down". Expectation in as much as it can feel like a "buzz", excitement and hope, maybe can be defined as: "looking forward with anticipation".
The first time you beat the computer expert at a chess game, you probably feel exhilarated, joy full etc. but how do you feel after the 15th time? Something happens with our expectations and corresponding feelings because something first considered amazing, unexpected, a boon, and often received with a sense of humility, quite often becomes an expectation experienced as a "right", a given, and instead of humility, our feelings can change into pride, maybe even self-righteousness. Put another way, our feelings may change from a sense of gratitude to ingratitude.
Do we not expect others to treat us fairly, if we treat others so? Do we not expect others to be on time if we always keep our appointments promptly? When we treat others politely, do we not expect others to treat us the same way?
I sometimes ponder where our expectations spring from. Is it an inalienable "right" to expect a life free from hardship, ill health, heart brake, disrespect, ridicule, unfairness ,etc.? And if it is a "right" then who dispenses this right, and why is it not given to millions of people who can not even except clean, fresh water to drink when they need it?
The difference between our expectation of how life should be and how life is, may present an insight as to our feelings of dissatisfaction. If we expect a life with ups and downs, with bad times just as often as good times,(insert here your own definition of the words), of times of just getting by, of love received and love lost, of promises kept and promises broken, of good health as well as times of illnesses, of hopes fulfilled and hopes dashed, if we expect life to contain experiences evoking a myriad of feelings, from inertia to jubilation and all in between, then maybe what is and what we want our lives to be, more often than not,......will intersect.
Expectation, hope, belief, anticipation,...now to the antonyms: doubt, miss trust, unbelief.
Some people say they prefer to not have any expectations, because that way they will not be disappointed, but isn't that an expectation also? An expectation can be "negative" or "positive" in nature. "They'll never make it", "He always stuffs it up", "She is never on time", "He never returns my calls", etc.etc. Often with negative expectations, "absolutes" are used such as : never, always, all, forever, etc. which reiterates and reinforces the expectation.
Do we use the same absolute language for positive expectations?
Let's try it.......: "they always win, she's always on time, he always does it the right way, he always returns my calls"........Well, maybe we do.
According to the "Expectation Effect", our perception and behaviour change as a result of personal expectations or the expectations of others. Once a person believes something, the belief alone creates the possibility that it will happen.
So whether our expectation is negative or positive in nature, it may become self-fulfilling.
Some examples:
The Halo effect: an employee's performance is rated higher/better based of giving a positive impression rather than their performance
The Hawthorne effect: employees become more productive based on the belief that changes in their work environment will increase productivity
The Pygmalion effect: students perform better/worse according to the teachers expectations
Our expectations affect the outcomes.
"Your expectations opens or closes the doors of your supply. If you expect grand things and work honestly for them, they will come to you, your supply will correspond with your expectation."
Orison Swett Marden
"Uncertainty and expectation are the joys of life. Security is an insipid thing"
William Congreve
If we remove the absolutes and instead use somewhat more ambiguous words, who knows what may happen?
"He did stuff up, but maybe next time he wont. She is often late, but let's just wait and see. So far he has not returned any of my calls, but maybe this time he will? They have lost the last few games, but today is another day, perhaps today it will all work out for them."
Exchanging the absolutes connected with our expectations for words of ambiguity, may open a path for us to experience our lives with more contentment and satisfaction, and to join with Anne Frank in her thought: "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world".
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